The Vampire's Pet
by Seal of Doom
Summary: In a world that's slowly returning to the Monsters, disgruntled Salem attends a party that unfortunately turns her into a vampires pet. Through comical escapades Salem learns to open up to others, and them to her. But the ultimate show of commitment will be put to the test in the battle for equality.
1. Party Crashers

This is me.

*Insert lovely picture of a disgruntled teenager*

And this is me at a party.

*Same disgruntled teen, but at a party*

I have no clue _why_ I'm even here. Who even had the bright idea to invite me? All I can imagine is the conversation that went down:

" _Who else should we invite?"_

 _"Why not that nerd Salem?"_

 _"...Eh, what the hell."_

It was then decreed that I was cordially invited to a royal asshole's party. Which I would have been more than happy to decline via some believably made up illness, if it weren't for my _sweet...helpful...Aunt Jojo._ Who accepted the invitation for me. In front of the inviters. Leaving me no escape option as she drove me to the party herself. And stayed to make sure I went in. Sweet Aunt Jojo.

So it's understandable that I'm in the corner pretending I don't exist and making sure no one notices me and think it's a good idea to engage in conversation.

And I would have gotten away with it too if it weren't for some dumb blonde wearing shades indoors.

"And what's a tiny thing like you standing in a corner by yourself?" he asks, leaning casually against the wall.

"Not interested, hot shot,"I say, deliberately stepping around him and bee lining it for another empty corner.

"Not even going to introduce yourself?" Oh hell, he's following me.

"You didn't," I shoot back over my shoulder.

"Touché. Call me Strider for now," He's acting like that'll make us friends. Cocky bastard. Can he be so oblivious to direct rejection? Wait, he's still pursuing me, that was a dumb question.

"Alright, get away ' _Strider_ '," I flick some of my dark hair over my shoulder in agitation. I'm already irritated enough as it is just by being here. This asshole _Strider_ isn't helping.

"Okay, I'll leave you alone for now. But I'm getting your name before you leave," He chuckles. And then he simply vanishes. I turn around to say something extra snarky, but he simply isn't there. I can't even see him weaving through the throng of people. Then again I'm really short. _Which that jerk called me when he first showed up._ He didn't even bother flirting! Douche was just messing with me. What a swell party this is. Thanks for accepting the invitation for me Aunt Jojo. I hope you're all wrapped up in a big blanket, watching that new episode of Untold Stories of the ER, and that you feel my wrath all the way from here in my little corner.

There's a bit of racket coming from the outside of the house, and it pulls me out of my seething rage and dark musings for a brief moment. But that's it. Well, it should have been anyways. I would have gone on to imagine painful things happening to Strider's lower region if it weren't for an ill timed party crash.

Of zombies.

A growing problem in today's society is monster uprisings. And it's not the politicians you see on tv asking for your vote and making false promises they never intended to keep in the first place. It's real, living, breathing bonafied monsters. You've got the vamps, wolfbloods/werewolves, spirits, myths, and yes, zombies among hundreds of other different species.

There are a lot of monsters in the world right now, and they're tired of hiding. So they've been invading human society trying to take over again. As must be something akin to the case right now.

The only difference between how most people depict zombies in comics and tv shows vs. how they are in reality is that zombies aren't mindless rotting husks. They can think, run, and blend in society just like any other supernatural creature. And also, they're freaky strong.

There's chaotic screaming everywhere, which only results in rabid zombies silencing it with disgusting eating sounds. And then there are idiots running bat shit crazy and running right into a zombie and being ended by more disgusting eating sounds. Jeez you would think zombies would at least retain good table manners but _nooooo._

I glance around my little corner and feel some what relieved that there's a mini table with a lamp on it. Lamp's are great. I love lamps. It's like whacking a bad dog with a newspaper, but the dog is a zombie, and the newspaper is the lamp.

Of course you can kill a zombie, even with a trusty lamp at your side, but doing that is a bad idea. If you do, the rest of the zombies will swarm on you and you become SOL. That's why stunning is preferable option numero uno, thus still concluding that a lamp is a trusty friend.

Carefully I cling to the wall. Even though that bastard Strider made it a point of making it obvious that I'm short, it has its perks. Short people are good at going unnoticed. Even in a mass panic because of zombie party crashers. Zombies forget about us just like regular people do.

This allows me to make it into a room so I can stay hidden until the wave crashes. Zombies never stay active for long. Just enough time to satisfy their munchies for brains and then they're chill. They retreat into whatever dark hole they came from. All I have to do is stay in a room and hope that none of them thinks to check in here or look through a window, since they're rampaging out there too. And if they do it'll be time to put my forget-me-lamp to use.

I quietly shut the door behind me.

"Nice to see you're still alive, Shorty. Seems you've got some sweet brains in you too," I freeze with my hand almost off the doorknob. _Please don't be the asshole when I turn around Please don't be the asshole when I turn around Please don't be the asshole when I turn around._

"Dammit it's the asshole," I hiss after slowly turning around. Blondie Strider boy is perched on top of a bed with lavender sheets- probably satin- like he's posing for a photo shoot.

"That's Mr. Asshole to you," he smirks. His round shades hide his eyes, his true emotions to my direct insult. But I get the feeling he's had a lot of time to cultivate his personality to not give a damn about what people call him. A _cool_ guy if you will. One that thinks it's necessary to wear shades indoors. An irritating idiot.

"Was a pretty stupid to plan a party this far out from the city if you ask me," And the asshat continues speaking as if we'd been having a casual conversation right from the start. "Noise attracts the Monsters you know. They always want to investigate and destroy."

"Thanks for the Monster 101 lecture, but I already knew that," My grip on the lamp tightens. There's more crashing and screaming, muffled as it is, coming from beyond the door.

"If you knew all that, why'd you come?"

My eyes roll over. "You're a genius, can't you tell I never wanted to be here in the first place?"

"Oh I thought you were just playing hard to get," his grin widens, and I know he knows he's getting under my skin. Jeez, I hate to admit this, but he is _good_.

"Still, it's a shame that a cool party like this was ruined by some homewrecker zombies. Not that it wouldn't have been crashed anyways by a different person. Namely, me."

"You?" My eyes narrow ever so slightly. In a different lighting I was beginning to notice a few other things to this Strider guy. For starters, he's pale as fuck. And not just naturally pale, _bloodless_ pale. The other thing is the almost translucent beauty he has to him- almost like he were carved from marble. And his nails look normal, but slightly pointer than the average humans.

But then my eyes are drawn to something orangish on the floor. Hair. And it's attached to a head, which isn't attached to a body. Not only that but I recognize the chick, even through her bloodied, glazed eyed, make up filled disaster. It is the royal asshole who cordially invited me to this party.

Strider follows my gaze, disgusting enjoyment lighting up his features. He leans over and picks the head up by the hair to show it off to me, before grasping around her neck to examine it himself.

"She was entertaining while she was alive, in a petty, human sort of way."

I am speechless. More so because of the head in his hands than anything else. The fact that he is an asshole and a Monster to boot doesn't really come as a shocker to me.

"Now I wonder how entertaining you'll be," he looks away from the head, grinning with pin point fangs.

I so have no intentions of being apart of _any_ game he has in mind. Dammit Aunt Jojo! I'm adding this to the list of reasonable excuses of why you shouldn't accept invitations for me.

Strider lets the head fall from his hands, hitting the floor with a thud and it bounces away. He stands up and I back into the door. _Now_ trapping myself in a room seems like a bad idea. But he doesn't go for me. Instead he heads for the dresser that's about an arms reach away from me. There's a vase sitting on top, elegant floral patterns adorning it. He reaches for it.

And only before does he say, "Let's see if you prove to be better than she was."

He picks up the vase and smashes it against the wall. The shattering of ceramics is like a loud crack of thunder. Before I have time to do anything ridiculous in regards to being horrified, I slam myself against the door.

Growling and gnashing becomes louder, and a zombie rams into the door. I hold firm, keeping my back to it and lamp at the ready to whack some hands away if they break through the door. I glare at Strider, sinking to the floor as I struggle to keep it closed. My feet run into the dresser, and for a moment I find that I am at my strongest so the door can't budge, my arms braced against it and the wall.

But then I realize my mistake and know that I am also at my weakest. Strider is also the enemy here. And I am completely at his mercy.

Another zombie runs into the door and my head snaps forward. In that moment he strikes. Like a blink of an eye, maybe even faster, he was in front me in a crouched position, legs spread in two different time zones. His hands gripped my shoulders, and I felt frozen.

"Perfect, just how I like them," his voice is still suave and cool. Irritating enough to snap me out of the stupor. Like hell am I going to be his submissive fodder! I swing my head up, slamming into his chin. His glasses slipped and looked skewed on his face. But I finally see his eyes.

Burning red coals stare back into my own eyes, which I know to be a cool glacier blue color. I feel sucked into them, losing my will slowly. He takes my distraction as an opportunity to strike and sink his fangs into me.

I'm sure I would have died an agonizing death knowing that this limp noodle had gotten his nasty fangs in me if it weren't for the fact that he retreated so fast coughing and spluttering my blood all over the place.

"You're _anemic?_ With _sickle cell?_ Why didn't you say something?!" he choked, hurrying to push his shades back on and get away from me.

"Oh, well, you know. What with a vampire in front of me- dead body included, and zombies at my back, I _apologize_ for not telling you my medical condition," I snap at him. Tiny droplets of my blood trickles down my neck from the bite mark, and a numbness grows and spreads. Not long after I notice this my right arm refuses cooperation. Then my left. I'm going limp one limb at a time.

"What the hell?" I mumble. My head feels light, and my vision bounces between dimming and fuzzying. "What'd you do to me?"

"Well it's supposed to make your death less painful," he grumbled. "But now I guess you're just gonna take a nap."

After a moment of thought, a bright idea seems to come upon him. He grins, getting back down to my level.

"You know, you're not all that bad. I think I'm gonna keep you around instead of leaving you for zombie chow."

"Gee thanks," I so didn't sign up for this shit when I woke up this morning.

"What's your name Shorty?"

"Salem," I didn't want to tell him, but it seems that there's more to this numbness than first feels. The truth just wants to come forth. I let him win yet again.

"Sleep tight, Salem. I won't let those zombies bite."

The last thing I saw before the light switch was pulled was Strider's infuriating grin.

* * *

 _So if you've made it here, I applaud and thank you. The idea for this story was a highly intriguing one for me, and I've been busy thinking up plots to help me work on certain things. I know that there's still a bit I could use improvement on, but if there's anything in particular, please let me know! Also, I don't really intend to to make this a romance, but there will be moments where it seems like it. If I do stray off my path too much, come slap me with a dead fish._

 _Disclaimer: Y'all should know that I ain't Andrew Hussie, but I can be devious enough to be one of his relatives (not really). I don't own le Homestuck, just Salem and the plot to this story._

 _(After note: I'm going through and editing this even though I still have yet to finish the story. My editing process is jacked up af but oh well. Mostly I'm just fixing spelling/tense mistakes. If you see something I might of missed help me out a bit and point it out please!)_


	2. Hive

_So I realized I forgot to say something about how this is like a Monsterstuck!au, so ya there you go. Also, in regards to reviews, I love 'em and don't care if you send in some things you didn't like about this story. Just don't be rude, because that ain't professional. Good and bad reviews are welcome~_

 _Disclaimer: If you haven't figured it out, I ain't Andrew Hussie so clearly Homestuck is not mine. Just the disgruntled teenage OC._

* * *

It was dark, all except for two pinpoints above me. They were like beacons, deceiving me into thinking they led to safety. They shined like rubies, but also glowed like burning coals still embedded in flames. I couldn't move, couldn't look away. I was _enraptured_ by them. By his _eyes._ By-

"...So _reckless_ as per usual. And you even brought a human back with you! How many times do I have to tell you to not bring your snacks home?!" My conscious comes back through as fuzz and scrambled brains. Someone is shouting and I know for a fact that it can _not_ be Aunt Jojo.

"Quiet Karkat, you'll wake her up," That voice I know and it makes me groan aloud. Looks like I'm not in Kansas anymore. Or away from Strider.

"Dammit, see what you did? I hoped she'd stay knocked out a little longer," Strider sighs.

"Well and a fuck you too," I mumble. Slowly I open my eyes. Stalactites are the first things I see, however blurry they may appear. The next thing that jumps into my line of site is the asshole of the year. I sit up, forcing him to back away.

"That's not a-," I silence him with a look before keeling over and nearly falling off my...cot?

"Good idea," he finishes anyways as he catches me. "You've been in knock out paralysis state for the last half hour, so you're gonna feel like shit."

"And who's fault do you think that is?" I bat him away from me and manage to keep myself in a slouched position.

"Okay, I guess this human's not so bad if she hasn't fallen for any of your bullshit yet," I look around for the other voice, the one that subsequently brought me out of that 'knock out paralysis state' as Strider so eloquently put it. A short, slouchy, grey person with messy black hair and nubby horns is located. The only monster I can place him as would be a troll.

"Shut it, Karkat," Strider hisses. "And you, if you had told me that you were anemic then you wouldn't have gotten to this point, now would you?"

"I really hate reiterating myself, but zombies behind, vampire in front, chaos everywhere. So please excuse me for not immediately thinking of giving you the note from my doctor saying I didn't have to participate in this activity," Nothing like waking up to a piping hot bowl of bitching and moaning.

" _Zombies?_ You went to a party with _zombies?_ How stupid can you get? No, wait, I'm talking to you. You ever growing dumbass," Angry troll boy explodes upon mention of zombies. My head throbs with echoes of his words and I wish nothing more than to take a cloth to him and ask if it smells like chloroform.

"Oh, so it's all my fault?" Strider's voice is like the hammer to troll boy's wedge, cracking my skull open.

"Both of you just shut the fuck up!" I snap, holding my hands out like the guy from the history channel meme. Ah, silence is golden.

 _Unless_ I'm the one breaking it.

"Now, I have questions, and I know you've most likely got answers in riddles because everyone seems to think it's a fun game to never give me a straight answer," I cut to the chase in one breath before anyone can try to start an argument again. "First off, _where the hell am I?_ "

Before Strider can give me some coded answer, Trollian von Douche responds in a tone as irritated as mine. "This is the Hive, a refuge for Monsters."

"Dude, I thought we went over this, it's the _Bat Cave_ ," Strider really truly needs a swift kick in the ass. Perhaps send him into next week. He can't even keep his mouth shut for two seconds!

"Dave, we are not naming the Hive after some fictional location just because you can turn into a bat," Another argument can be seen coming on the horizon. But extra information has been slipped into my possession. Now I know the true name of my would be vampire killer.

"Alright, so you're Dave the Vampire Ass, who're you?" I ask next, cutting into the segway of argument who knows what number for these two.

"I'm Karkat, and you can just fuck off, Human," He spits. Like a cat it seems his hackles appear to be raising. And then he's shrinking. Next thing I know is that I'm staring at an actual cat. A black one to be exact. So what I presumed him to be is not what he is. It seems we have a changeling in our midst.

"Hey, her name's Salem you dolt," Dave crosses his arms in annoyance. Then he flashes me a cocky grin and adds to me, "Told you I'd get your name before you left."

"Go to hell," I snap.

"Baby, I _am_ hell," His grin widens and his fangs gleam in the dim light like he'd put glow in the dark solution on them. His defensive stance shifted open and wide as he spread his arms out from him. "And you're my new pet."

My eyebrows skyrocket further beyond my hair, and there's some incoherent swearing coming from Karkat on the floor before he turns and leaves. I don't like the way he calls me his pet. Like he thinks he owns me or something. Even though it technically has been proven vampires can do shit like that, I can literally think of a million worse things I'd rather have happen to me.

"I'll pass," I say, hopping off the cot. "Doubt I'd make a good 'pet' anyways."

"Funny how you think you've got a choice," He chuckles darkly. I blink and he's in front of me. Just like last time, he did that faster than you can recognize thing. It's a bit uncanny.

He reached for my neck, alabaster fingers splaying out. The closer they come, the more frozen I feel, though desperate as I am to move. Those carefully curved nails brush my hair out of the way like a gentle breeze fluttering through. He touches the bite mark, and a frigid tingling sensation follows everywhere he traces.

"I've marked you. You _do_ belong to me," That's what he meant by pet. I was branded like cattle to him. Those stupid fangs of his bit into me and suddenly it makes him my owner. Monster branding is weird as hell.

When I filled out my goals for the future worksheet over the course of high school- you know the ones they make you go over thousands of times until you can repeat your answers like a droid because of how sick of it you are- I actually did have my future decently planned. I was going to got to community college and get a good transcript going so I could make something of myself later on. Go into a medical field that dealt with animals. Live my life secluded and not bother myself with relationships. A good, solid plan.

Nowhere in that plan did I put "Become an asshole vampire's pet."

Dave backs away and his cold fingers retract from my neck. With it the feeling of time begins to flow again. He continues speaking. "Besides being sickle cell anemic, you've got quality blood- Type O to be exact."

Type O is rare blood, the universal donor to be exact. If I didn't have my condition I'd go in monthly to donate, because I don't have anything against helping people who _actually need it._ But giving my blood to a vampire just because it was "good quality" doesn't cut it for me. I don't want to be harvested when I'm not in my terribly anemic state.

"So what, I'm a food bank for you?" I sigh.

"Bulls eye!" He mocks shooting me with a finger gun, blowing the imaginary steam off. Asshole, vampire, _and_ childish! Wowee wow this guy's list of charming qualities just keeps expanding.

"And just what am I supposed to do? I do actually have a life despite whatever it is you might be thinking."

"Oh I didn't say you had to stay here forever," He comes back and loops his arm over my shoulders. I cringe at the physical contact. He ignores it and proceeds to lead me out of the room. We walk down a glowing hall. Veins in the walls glow brightly, like tiny rivers of stars. If it weren't for my current undesirable company I might have actually enjoyed myself.

"You can go back to living your dull life where everyone except your Aunt Jojo ignores you. I won't stop you from living _that_ dream," he laughs like he told a funny joke. Then again what he just described might as well have been. Damn vampires thinking they're a superior race. "But it won't stop me from dropping by for check ups, and you'll be coming back here every once in a while."

I sigh again, deep and long. This is not how I intended to squander my time. And it's definitely not who I want to be squandering it with. He doesn't need to know anything more than he somehow managed...to...find out. How in the hell did he find out about Aunt Jojo?!

I'm about to ask about his invasion of my personal life when I'm cut off by the baying of a dog. Then not even two seconds later this streak of fur comes barreling down the hall, straight at Dave. It's a miracle, because instead of him being draped all over me, he's now sprawled on the floor with a huge wolf on top of him.

"Jade! Jade! _Jaaaaaaddeee!"_ Dave gives something akin to a laugh and a groan as he tries to push the she-wolf off of him, or at the very most keep her from slobbering all over his face.

This 'Jade' has to be a wolf blood, since the full moon was last week. She's a really pretty one too. The top half of her fur is a mottled collection of browns and grays, like winter vegetation. Her lower half is like powdery snow. I'm sure if I were to pet her, she wouldn't feel as soft as she looks. She's built nicely as well, tough even. She'd probably be someone you'd like to ride out into battle with, in a fictional sense.

"See ya sucker," I mutter under my breath before turning around and strolling quickly away. I have no clue what so ever on how to get out of here, but I'm sure someone will be nice enough to give me directions. Maybe I'll run into that little ball of wrath, Karkat, and he'll swear the directions to me. If not I'll just turn into a hermit fugitive and avoid Dave at all costs whilst filching food from wherever. _The possibilities are endless!_

"Psst!" I flinch in surprise. To my right is a girl with a rather fabulous hairstyle sticking her head out of a hole I'm pretty sure was not there before.

"You're Dave's new pet, right?" she asks, nodding back at the guy who's currently wrestling with the wolfblood.

" _Ugh_ ," I am defeated. There's really no way to get out of this it seems. Whoever all lives here apparently knows me and my newly acclaimed "status", and obviously sees me as nothing else.

"Name's Roxy, an you're comin' with me!" More of her body emerges from the hole and she grabs me by the crook of my elbow. I don't even have time to ask some stupid question before she's pulling me into it with her.

Only we pop out in another cave that I can only assume was actually on the other side of the wall. The bio-life is amazing in this room! There's an underground spring that shines brightly and clearly enough to see down to the bottom. It's maybe about the size of a small pool that you can buy at your local Costco and build at home, but acts like an aquarium. Something tells me it's a lot deeper than it appears to be though. It's now that I notice a girl with a similar hairstyle-well almost- to Roxy's sitting at the edge of the pool gently gliding her fingers across the surface and creating ripples in the water.

"I brought her, Rose," Roxy chirps. The girl looks away from the pool, violet eyes glowing and staring at me curiously. Her clothes seem to shimmer and change. First something a normal high schooler might wear; white skirt, t-shirt, tennis shoes. Then a black dress with something that was a cross between a skull and a squid. And finally an orangish dress with a golden sun emblem. Her crest of magic, if you will.

Roxy hops around me and joins the girl known as Rose. Her clothes don't shimmer and change like the other one's dp, but stay solid. She's garbed in medieval looking garments that range in colors of dark blue to navy, her emblem spiraling outwards. The two must be sister witches. Or at least witches in general if they're not actually sisters.

"Er...hi?" I awkwardly wave at them.

"Isn't she just adorable?" Roxy giggles, latching onto Rose's arm and bouncing up and down just a little. "She's more awkward than any of the others, it's totes refreshing."

"Quite," Rose nods, smiling at me politely.

"Oh Dave brought home another cutie? Tell 'em to come _moar_ into the light so I can see!" A bubbly voice pipes up from the spring.

"Hold on, Feferi. Give us a chance to explain things to her," Rose doesn't look behind her to address the third party, she simply continues to observe me as she speaks.

"What's your name?"

"Salem," I can't find any reasonable excuse to refrain from stating my name anymore. Dave will probably go around telling everyone anyways. But the reaction causes the two girls to wince. Ah, right, witches, Salem trials, probably not the best name to have them address me by.

"Call me Lem if it bothers you," I supply, shortening my Aunt's nickname down. Feeling awkward about it, I shove my hands in the pockets of my jacket.

"Lem? Lem. _Leeeeem._ Lemo- _Lemon!_ " The voice from the spring tests out my name, sounding victorious as she unknowingly figures out the nick name I just shortened.

"Lemon? That's _really_ cute! I'm gonna call you that instead, hope you don't mind," Roxy declares.

"I have no need for that, I'll call you by your given name. Fear of the past only results in a stopper plugging the path to the future," Rose murmures quietly, almost to herself.

Then she straightens and moves onto what I'm assuming is more important business. "Roxy, if you'll summon the object please."

Roxy winks as she pulls out an empty rum bottle from behind her back and quickly breaks it across her knee. A ring clatters to the floor, a long, shiny chain trailing along. Glass shards twinkle and gleam in the pale light, tinkling to the floor. She carefully bends and picks through it, grabbing the necklace and handing it to Rose.

It's a simple ring, a thin silver band with a slim, colorless jewel in the center. Well it was colorless until Rose ran her hand over it muttering words in another language. Then it blossoms with a deep red. Like Dave's eyes. I can guess then what it's meant for before she begins to explain it.

"This will mark you as Dave's and basically grant you safe passage in the Hive. That and so long as you're concentrating then you can get a message through if you need help," Rose walks forward in a professional manner and slips the chain over my head. Using it for help won't be as much fun as annoying Strider by calling him only to say something just to piss him off though. But while I'm thinking about this I completely miss as Rose casts another spell on the ring until she is yet again explaining what she had just done.

"And for convenience sake that'll make it so you can't take it off," She steps back to admire the handiwork I can't actually see. While that is many pros for them, it is one too many cons for me. But I hold my tongue so I can save it for Dave's ungrateful ass later.

"Are you done? Can she come over now? I wanna see her!" The little ray of sunshine voice calls out again, more insistent this time.

"Of course, Feferi," Rose nods her head, signaling for me to move closer to the pool. I do just that. For a moment I see nothing but schools of fish and other marine life. Then she pops out with a dazzling spray of water. Getting soaked is simply just another of the _many_ joys I can add to the list of things I'm just _so happy_ that happened today.

"Hello Lemon! I'm Feferi, glubbed to meet you," The third party voice, known as Feferi, stretches out a wet grey hand to me. I take it, but only shake for about a milisecond after I notice the flippers waving ecstatically in the air behind her. Mermaids aren't known as a Sailor's Bane for nothing now. But I see that she has some of the same defining features as that crabby Karkat guy. Black hair, candy corn themed horns, grey skin. She must really be a changeling then.

"You really _are_ cute. Much cuter than any of his other pets," Feferi giggles. Internally I scoff at being referred to as cute. My black hair only had about minimum curl to it, and it's constantly in my eyes-which are an icy blue. And if the hair were to be moved one would find the nightmare known as dark circles. I almost always wear worn out shorts, a tank top hidden under a light jacket, and in colors that will make me disappear. I am short and angry. What exactly is cute about that?

"You should hear how _un_ -cute her mouth is though," My shoulders slump and head hangs. It's too soon to be dealing with him yet again. Better yet, _ever_.

"Hello, Dave," Rose greets him, unphased by anything that comes out of his mouth. She's probably had to live with him for so long that she's become immune to his antics. Just the thought of living with him makes me pity her.

Mr. Asshole sidles up to me and loops his arms back over my shoulders, grinning like the cheeky bastard he is. I look off to the side in disgust. If this is the treatment I'm going to have to endure then I think I'd rather just ask the mermaid to drown me.

"She's probably got a mouth as dirty as Karkat's if I work her up enough," He reaches over and pinches my cheek.

"Fuck off," I growl.

"See?"

"Well maybe you should take her home then. Be a gentleman, perhaps?" Rose suggests, a hint of a snicker in her voice.

"Am I ever not?"

"Your very existence counteracts the definition of the term 'gentleman'," I scoff under my breath. This only seems to further amuse him.

"You're going home? Aw, well see ya another time then, Lemon!" Feferi waves goodbye with a giggle before disappearing with a splash. I experience a fleeting moment of lost opportunity to ask her to drown me while I had it. Dave turns us around to bid adieu to the two ladies behind us.

"Rox, Rose," Dave salutes them, then they disappear. Or really it's us that disappears.

And we're in front of my apartment. 307, third floor exact. It all happened in a blink of an eye.

Dave turns me so I'm facing him, a "serious" look on his face. "Now you're going to follow this schedule: Tonight you'll get a good night's rest, you'll eat a good breakfast, you'll go to school and eat lunch-and so help me I'll bring you a sack lunch and force feed you myself-, and then-"

"Woah there hot-shot, I'm _not_ following your stupid plan. _I don't even eat breakfast before going to school!"_ I shrug his hands off my shoulders and back up.

" _Gasp_ , don't tell me you're one of _those_ students!" Now he sounds truly horrified. Truly horrified and mocking at the same time. Weird how he can do both. Is this guy ever actually serious?

"I eat breakfast at school."

" _Double gasp,_ you _are_ one of those students!"

I roll my eyes at him. "I eat there so I can get more of that thing you call sleep, dumbass."

That and it just seems easier to get ready, even if I get smaller portions of cardboard tasting food at school.

"No wonder your blood tasted weak, you eat shitty food, and not even enough of it," Dave shakes his head. "At least lunch provides a better variety but-"

I cut him off again. "Half the time I don't even eat lunch."

"My god woman, are you trying to kill yourself?" For once I think I catch a glimpse of genuine concern in his voice. Lo and behold miracles _are_ possible.

He grabs my shoulders again with more intensity, head bowing in frustration. All I see is a drama queen. I mean, I'm still _alive_ , aren't I?

"I'm going to have so much work to do," he mutters. Then he straightens up, plasters a smile on his face as he releases me, and turns to knock on the door.

I freeze. He is seriously going to hang around to meet my Aunt? How the hell am I going to explain him to her?! _Hey Jojo this is Dave Strider. He's a vampire I met at that party you took me to. Oh bonus, he thinks I'm his pet and is now trying to become my pediatrician!_

Hahaha haha ha.

She's going to flip.

The door opens with a slight creak and a whoosh as Aunt Jojo opens the door. For a moment she stands there in her blanket wrapped, frizzy haired, tear stained glory. Looks like she's either been watching 'Days of Our Lives' again or she's seen the news. Either has a high probability of being true.

"Oh Lemon! You're alive!" she cries, rushing into my already open arms blubbering apologies for taking me to a party she knew I didn't want to go to in the first place. _But I was just trying to help you get out there into the social world!_ I know. _You needed to make friends!_ I know. _But I'm so sorry!_ It's okay Jojo, it's okay.

The woman is barely taller than me, yet she honestly shrinks so much when she cries. I make what I hope is eye contact with Dave (damn idiot still wears shades even though it's night time) and gesture for him to get out of here. Of course he doesn't listen.

Jojo pulls away and wipes the tears from her eyes, sniffling to the high heavens about how she's _so glad_ I'm okay. Then she trains her focus on Dave.

"This is Dave, he brought me home," I awkwardly introduce them to each other. "Dave, Aunt Jojo."

Aunt Jojo leans over and whispers _really loudly,_ "Is he your boyfriend?"

Of-fucking-course she _has_ to pull this crap on me. First guy that comes home with me and this is what she does. It takes every fiber of my being to not face palm.

And it only gets worse as Dave reaches over and pulls me into his side with the hugest, dumbest, lopsided grin on his face. "Yep!"

The facepalm can no longer be contained.


	3. John Egbert

" _Stupid. Fucking. Strider. Damn. You. To. Hell!"_ I mutter angrily to myself as I scrub furiously at a pan in my hands. In cooking class, no matter whose turn it actually was, I always ended up doing the dishes.

He managed to charm his way right into Aunt Jojo's heart by making her think he was my boyfriend. As if he hadn't caused me enough problems already. Now I'm expected to play along with this gag-me-reel and pretend that we do normal couple things instead of the actual leech off that's really going on.

 _I'm going to fucking_ ** _end_** _him._

"Hey, psst!" I almost dropped the pan right onto some kid in the sink's face. I almost do it again because _there's a kid in the sink._ Well at least a head anyways.

He laughs and floats up up up and around. I track him with my eyes only, not wanting to disturb anybody else and incite the hassle known as mass panic. It seems I have a spirit on my hands.

Occasionally this school, Chelan High, gets a few prankster spirits and every now and then a poltergeist. They're always harmless, but with the latest epidemic of Monster uprisings people are overreacting by a milestone over the littlest of things. It all revolves around "not wanting to take risks". It's the standard human coward misinterpreting things as usual.

"My name's John Egbert," the spirit descends again to introduce himself. He looks to be about my age, possibly a year older which would make him eighteen at best. His black hair is in one of the most articulate displays of disarray that one would think he held a blow dryer to certain spots to make it look that way. Thick frames, buck teeth, and a cute nerdy smile. One look tells me this one can only be up to no good, and his next statement could only prove it. Just not in the way I would have preferred.

"Dave sent me here to keep an eye on you and make sure you actually eat. He even gave me instructions to force feed if necessary," John explains it to me as kindly as he could, but my reaction is anything but.

"Dammit to hell! You tell Strider he can go choke on my food for all I care," I angrily point the scrubby brush I was using at John. I look around to make sure no one is paying attention to me. Like always they weren't, so I carried on my tirade.

"And while you're at it, give him this too," I flip the bird before carrying on with furiously attacking the pan. But I know John hasn't left because I can still see him floating from the corner of my eye.

After awhile of contemplative silence he says, "So I get that you and Dave are not on the most fabulous of terms, but I'm still gonna stay. I haven't been outside of the Hive in awhile."

Well his first analogy is an understatement.

I lower the pan with a sigh. He doesn't seem all that bad I guess. So long as he doesn't get himself into trouble I suppose it'll be fine.

"I swear if you try to force feed me though...," I threaten him with the scrubby brush again, as if it would do any damage. John's grin doubles and he does a pirouette back into the sink.

I think I might have to readjust my future goals sheet.

* * *

The moment the bell rings I bolt for the lunchroom so I can be the first in line to avoid the clusterfuck of crowds. What is it with high schoolers and lines anyways? They don't even get in single file order. They form _blobs_ is what they do. And those blobs just increase as their friends butt in line and make it impossible to actually get the good stuff.

But it's convenient having a class near the lunch room. I can just hop right into the nearest line and get the only thing I want. I don't even bother to eat most of the garbage that's required to be on my tray. Their fruits are never in season, so it's either eating something not ripe or too ripe. And their vegetables look like they either need water or looks covered in mucus. The bread is borderline stale and the cheese tastes like cardboard; the chicken always seems to never get cooked right and I don't even want to start in on what might possibly be in their "beef". School lunches stopped being real years ago.

John floats along casually next to me as I wait in line for my turn to receive today's slop.

"How can no one else see you?" I ask curiously. Usually by now people would have noticed him. He hasn't particularly bothered with incognito unless you count the silly glasses with a moustache he's wearing right now. But you'd think the floating would give him away regardless.

"Consider it as bending light with different air currents," he answered after a moment of thought. The way he put it piqued my interest. As much as people shunned the study of Monsters, I've always found it fascinating to learn about them. It's also a stupid move on humanity's part by not taking the opportunity to gain a better understanding of the counter species. But humans remain foolish nonetheless.

The line moves forward and I hold back other questions that would no doubt draw attention to me. Stupid people thinking it's _weird_ to talk to 'yourself'. John glides off and has nothing further to say until I by pass the salad bar.

"You're not gonna get anything else? That tray there is looking awfully empty."

"Have you _seen_ how dead that salad is? Not even a desperate rabbit would touch that," I weave through people to get to my special landing on an anonymous staircase.

"I don't know much about your condition, but I'm pretty sure that's not what Dave meant by making sure you had a substantial lunch," The way he phrased that meant he really didn't have a clue what my condition was. But what is obvious is the attempt to still follow Dave's orders, even if it's to a point. It still had yet to be determined if he'd try and force feed me.

"Look, unless I bring lunch from home, this is all I'm going to eat," I sit down criss-cross style, plopping my backpack next to me and setting my lunch off to the side. Then I unzip the bag and hunt for the dreaded math homework I didn't finish. And it so happened that the class which this vile piece of homework belonged to is to be attended after lunch hour. Unfortunately the homework contained Logarithms.

John floats and peers over my should to examine one of the many banes of my existence with me. The sheet only had 2 out of the 25 equations done. If I didn't turn this assignment in, completed, I am doomed to spend time in Math Lab detention. That idea is nearly on par with being Dave's pet for bad.

Absently I reach over and take a bite of the grilled cheese sandwich (which is today's slop as I am only just realizing) while setting the math down and going through my bag again trying to find my pencil. Once found, I return to pretending that I have every clue in the world as to what I'm doing.

"X=7," John said, disrupting the supposed concentrative silence. "The answer for number three is x=7."

I turn and stare at him. "How'd you get that without a calculator?"

I could barely solve a damn problem with Logarithms in it to save my life, yet it only took him a couple of minutes of staring at it to figure it out.

John shrugs, looking abashed. Then, a little shyly, he points to the paper and explains what I could not.

For the entirety of the lunch block he helps me finish my math homework. The way he explained math made me actually feel like it wasn't entirely gibberish. Though I could have done without the Nic Cage comparison. If he weren't a spirit, I'm sure he'd be a great teacher.

And for the entirety of lunch my food remained all but forgotten.

* * *

"Aw man! I totally forgot my objective today!" John slaps his face as the final bell releases us from hell-I mean school. "I was having such a blast that it slipped my mind."

"Don't sweat it. I was going to stop off somewhere and grab me a snack," I shrug nonchalantly. "You can tell Dave I ate and it'll all be cool."

"...I suppose," John says after a moment of confused facial expressions. "Where are you going?"

"You ever been to the Parlor before?" I ask. He shakes his head no, and I return it with pity shakes of my own. Poor dude doesn't know what he's missing. How long has he been cooped up in the Hive?

"Today'll be your lucky day then, my friend. Prepare to enjoy some of the best damn ice cream you ever had."

The phrase 'My Friend' had never been uttered by me in reference to an actual person- supernatural or otherwise. It seemed foreign, like it didn't belong, but had the possibility to. Aunt Jojo was always trying to set up the beginnings of blossoming bosom buddies, but she never picked someone I could relate too. (Thus the result of her train of thought when she took me to that party.) Then again, I've never met a human I could actually like. Not since my parents died anyways.

But even as a kid I hated playing with the others. They always seemed too perfect, too shallow. They didn't understand why I would rather want to play by myself than play tea party or jump rope with them. Why I'd rather immerse myself in things that would help me understand the supernatural rather than what would help me wage war against it. They'd never relate to me, and I would never relate to them. Thus I'd never had anyone to call 'my friend'.

As I led the way to the Parlor, I wonder at the possibility of the good that could come out of being a vampire's pet. It wasn't much, but at least coming out of it with a 'friend' almost made the thought of letting a cocky asshole drink my blood a bearable one. _Almost._

* * *

"And then I was like ' _Oh crap! I forgot trolls were sensitive to cleaning products for some reason!',"_ John mimed his dramatic reaction to throwing a bucket with a message at Karkat. I cackled at the absurdity of it. Not only was John good at math, but he had a wicked sense of humor too. After I'd gotten the ice cream from the Parlor, we'd made our way towards my apartment.

John told stories, as a sort of payment for the ice cream. Many of them were simple things like day to day events that happened at the Hive. But they were good.

"Wow, I had no idea that the changelings were so touchy," I commented after I caught my breath.

"Oh, don't call them that. They're almost always in troll form, so they like to be referred to as just that," John corrected me. I make a mental note of this so I don't offend anyone next time I'm forcefully brought to the Hive.

"So is Dave always so demanding?" I ask, finally deciding that I should pretend to give a flying rat's ass about the guy that has claimed ownership over me.

"Are you always so cynical?" I nearly clubbed the devil himself as he popped up in the shadow of a building we were walking by.

"Hi Dave!" John waved to him exuberantly. "Bye Salem!"

And just like that my spirit math guru went poof. And I was yet again alone with Mr. Asshole. I glare at him before moving on.

"So I've got an appointment set up for you with an expert. He should be able to do something about your blood," Dave follows me leisurely, keeping to the shade.

"Sorry, but I'm not dealing with any doctor that has a connection to you."

"It's starting to become really annoying how you think you've got a say in the matter," Dave growled. I stopped, chewing the inside of my cheek in agitation. I could say the exact same to him, but his shades wold probably deflect it.

Dave sighed with the most dramatic exasperated sigh ever. "He's just going to give you a prescription, it's not going it's not going to kill you."

I could hear his eyes rolling in that sentence. That definitely made up my mind, and I picked up walking away from him.

He grabs my arm, dragging me int the shadows with him. I thought I heard a faint sizzling sound, but didn't receive the opportunity to ask him if his sundip burned. He shoves me against the wall, pinning my arms to my sides so I don't club him any more than I've already tried. His shades slipped down the bridge of his nose, brilliant burning coals trapping me in an unmovable spell.

"You're going to go to this appointment," There was no room for negotiation in his voice. I couldn't break away from his gaze. I couldn't avoid it. There was something about his eyes that compelled me to listen to his words, to obey them. But I held my tongue, literally. I was biting down to keep myself from responding with the answer I knew he wanted. The pain kept me intact. I was just lucky enough that he took my silence as obedience. For a split second he released one of my arms so he could push his shades back. I tried to leave.

"Woah, where do you think you're going? We're not done here," Dave blocked my path with his arm, sheparding me none to gently back to the wall. He drew extremely close, close enough that I was really feeling Dave-a-phobic. I don't have to ask what he's doing. I receive his treatment less than enthusiastically.

The bite stings. More than it did the first time. I inhale sharply, closing my eyes briefly at the pain. He smiles at my reaction, and it burns against my skin, just not in any lovey dovey way that a lot of people would expect of a "couple". It made me disgusted he was enjoying himself, and sick that I now had first hand experience in knowing what it felt like having my blood drained through straw like openings his fangs had created.

It was a blessing he didn't keep it up for long. He pulled his mouth away from my skin, but kept close so he could lick the tiny droplets that bled from the small wounds like a dog lapping the last of the water up. The action caused me to feel flushed, and even the shade didn't feel cool anymore. This was the worst invasion of my personal space _ever_.

"It's still weak, but bitter-sweet," As he spoke his breath tickled me. I resented it. Wanted nothing more than to shove him away from me and into what was left of the afternoon sunlight. Pity there was no one around to watch him burn with me.

"Revulsion produces that flavor in blood, and I'm glad you provided me with such a treat just barely," he steps back, licking his lips in savor of the memory. His grin was just as unsavory as he was. "I certainly hope you'll continue to provide such flavors for me again. It wouldn't do to disappoint me by being bland."

He said it like it was a courtesy I provided him. I was going to lash out at him. Hell, I was prepared to tell him to meet me in the fucking pit and fight him. But the bastard disappeared. I could feel a fuse getting ready to blow, but I held back. _Just bide your time Salem. You'll kick his ass one day._

For a moment I stood utterly still, fists clenched, heart pounding. Then I let out a shaky breath and leaned my head back against the wall in defeat. Today was his win. He had said my blood was weak, but bitter-sweet. This encounter felt mostly bitter, and left _me_ feeling weak.

* * *

 _So I'm brilliant and totally forgot this but yeah. Reviews, if you will, please. I won't pressure you on how to live your life._

 _Disclaimer: Seriously, I am not Andrew Hussie. Homestuck ain't mine. Just the disgruntled teenager._


	4. Night Schedule

It's 1 a.m. and I'm sitting the waiting room at the doctor's office plotting my revenge. Dave _Fucking_ Strider, with his rule breaking privileges, broke into my room, woke me up, and dragged me here because he knew I wasn't going to come to this damn appointment anyways. _God fucking damn vampires._

"You look pissed," Dave noted casually, flipping a page of _Health Nut Magazine._ He glances up briefly to study my reaction.

"No fucking dip, Sherlock," I mutter. I fix him with one the best glares that I can manage, but ruin it with a yawn. That bastard is gonna pay one day as soon as I wake up enough for it.

"Do you wanna come sit on my lap? Use my shoulder as a pillow?" He sets the magazine aside and makes not so innocent gestures for me to come and sit. His cockiness is rewarded with gagging noises.

"Oh don't be like that," he pouts. It earns him a special little bird.

The door opens and a troll maiden with _huge_ chopsticks in her hair stands in the doorway. Her outfit is like a a nurses uniform; white and sterile, but more Japanese oriented. A combination of a Kimono with American styles. Even her words seemed to reflect the culture. Choppy, but confident.

" _Salem, Dave, the Doctor will see you now,"_ she said with a near monotone voice. Or is it more disinterested? Both? Then without waiting, she turns on her heel and walks away. We hurry to catch up with her.

She leads us down the hall to an empty room, stopping only to open the door for us before leaving. I enter first with reluctance, Dave hounding me forward and shutting the door behind him quietly. The doctor dude greets us.

Well, I'm not even sure it was him that greeted us. Sure there was someone there, but he looked like a mannequin overdoing it with the leprechaun get up. And there's not even a mouth on that cue ball shaped head. _Is_ this even the doctor?

 ** _Come, have a seat._** The leprechaun mannequin thing gestures for me to sit on the little bed table. I don't really want to accept the invitation, let alone be here, but Dave gave me a not so helpful budge from behind before going to sit in a chair off to the side. Ironically there was another _Health Nut Magazine_ waiting for him.

I settle myself on the table and fold my hands in my lap. The cookie paper crinkles underneath me, so loud in the silence. So far it's shaping out to be like a regular appointment, but more meant for Monsters it seems. Now for the awkward conversations about my health.

 _ **So I've been told this is to assess the proper supplements to prescribe to you, correct?** _ The cue ball turns to his computer and brings up my file. My brow furrowed for many reasons. One, it's incredibly weird having a voice other than yours in your head; and two, the fact that he had access to my medical data is disconcerting. It's an attack on my personal life taken to a new level.

 _ **It says here that you already have an iron supplement, but based on Dave's description of your blood, you don't really use it**. _ The Doctor scrolls through my problems and continues talking as if this were completely normal.

"Er, can I maybe, possibly get your name first?" I ask in irritation.

 ** _Of course, how rude of me,_** he swivels around in his chair and offers a gloved hand. **_I'm Doc Scratch._**

Lovely. I stare at his hand for a second before reaching out to shake it. Something pricks my finger and I snatch my hand back out of his grip. The doctor swivels back around and puts a droplet of my blood on a small tray. Dave shifts in my peripheral. No doubt he was attracted to it.

For what seems like a ridiculous eternity, but in actuality is about a minute, Doc Scratch examines the sample. Or at least I assume that's what he's doing since he doesn't really have any eyes to be doing any examining with. While he does that, one hand flies away on the keyboard. I seriously hope that means this appointment is going to be short.

Finally he pulls away and turns to Dave. **_You'll have to improve her diet, so there's not much I can prescribe for that. But I do have a more effective pill that will not only boost her count considerably, but make the cell whole. I'd like for her to try it and then come back in a couple of weeks for another visit._**

Dave nods his head dutifully. "Anything else, Doc?"

 ** _Don't over stress her._**

That last comment had a tone of implied meaning behind it. I almost get the feeling that I'm a kid listening to my mom and the doctor discuss what to do with me, but I wasn't exactly supposed to be listening in. Not exactly a fun feeling either. Though it is an interesting image brought to mind thinking of Dave as a mom. He'd no doubt be one of those messy yet chic business ladies with a phone to one ear and a baby balancing in his hip. Very classy single momma that can rock multi tasking, but just barely. I have to stifle a snort. Can't let that jerk see me happy because of him.

 ** _Well, this should do it then._** Doc Scratch clapped his hands together and turned to me. **_The nurse should have the prescription ready before you leave the building._**

"Uh, thanks, I guess," I mumble. Hopping off the table and shuffling forward, I lead the way just to get the fuck out of here. Just as the cue ball said the nurse had my prescription ready to go. And it wasn't even before I left the room! She handed it to me with a slight bow, but Dave snatched it before I did.

 ** _These should only be taken twice a day._** The Doc mind calls from down the hall. I shiver slightly at the way it echoes in my head. Dave merely waves, then grabs my arm and drags me out into the chill of a February night. I only had time to snatch my light jacket before being brought to the disgustingly sterile place. Now I wish I'd been given a better warning. Maybe even changed out of my _fucking pajamas._

"That wasn't so bad, now was it?" Dave stops and pulls the orange bottle out of the bag. I take a glimpse at the label, trying to see what the hell it even is, but Dave's god damn model worthy hands are in the fucking way. What I saw though definitely wasn't any known human language. It was like runes with a highly calligraphic twist to it.

He grips the bottle in one and and twists the cap off with the other, tilting it and removing a single pill. He offered it, a bright and almost sickly green shaded pill, to me. I fold my arms and stare him down through his glasses. In the dark.

"Do I _have_ to shove this down your throat?" He cocks an eyebrow. "Or do I need to use a more persuasive method? Perhaps you would take it with a kiss?"

I snatch the pill from his hand and down it dry. That infuriating grin lights up his face and I scowl. _What the hell do I have to do to actually win against this guy?_

"Alright, I came, got the pills, now _take me home_ ," I hiss. Dave pockets the bottle in some mysterious void for a pocket and laughs.

"Oh no, Salem. You're not getting rid of me so quickly. The night's still young after all," He steps in closer, wrapping his arm around my shoulder. The fact that he was literally colder than the air around me does not help me at all, and I shiver like crazy.

"It's fucking 1 in the morning you ass hat! I should be in bed having dreams about an anxiety filled day at school because I didn't finish my homework! Take me home right now!" I kept my voice just under a shout as I chattered with no end in sight. Besides, isn't he the one who was all getting up in my shit about a good night's rest?!

"You're going to start adjusting to my schedule a bit, darling," he crooned. As if that will make it any fucking better.

I blink, and we are no longer in front of the doctor's office. Instead we stand outside of a night life gathering. Fluorescent lights blink down and blind me. Music throbs through the air, in the ground beneath my feet. There's a crowd at the door, waiting to be let in. But they are anything but a normal group of people.

"I have school in the morning, and you want me to _clubbing_ _in a bar meant for Monsters with you?"_ I ask incredulously. I look at him and see he's holding a collar with a metal chain attached to it. _Where the hell did he get that?!_

"Oh _heeelllll_ no," I say, backing away from him. He follows after me without any delay.

"Club rules state that any human pets brought in need a leash," He says innocently, as if he didn't relish the idea of putting me on one in the first place. With snake like reflexes he grabs my wrist and tugs me forward. I lost my balance and fell right into him. The collar is slipped over my head.

"There, fits you like a glove and looks sexy as hell," he lifted my head up for inspection. I am so tempted to bite his hand just to wipe that smug look off his face.

"Don't cause any trouble, don't talk to any pretty boy that isn't me, don't accept any drinks that aren't from me, and of course," He lets go of my chin and readjusts his shades, staring straight at the club. "let the music work it's magic."

* * *

Going to a club is essentially going to a party. Booze is served, guys are trying to pick up girls, girls are trying to pick up guys. The music is blaring and neon lights are strobing in a near dark room. People are making sexually explicit dance moves. And still one thing about my opinion remains the same. I don't want to be here in the first place.

It's even more awkward because this is a _Monster_ club, and there are hardly any humans. And the ones that are here are in a corner on a leash as well. My revulsion towards setting foot inside of here makes me want to scuttle over there and hiss at anyone who approaches me. But I am forced to follow Dave everywhere he goes.

And of course first stop is the bar.

A blonde dude with some of the pointiest damn hair and shades ever whisks around the counter pouring different kinds of shots for everyone. Like he's possessed or something he whips up an order of Tequila and something called _Faygover_ for a party of already tipsy four. Then as if our arrival summoned him, he slides to a halt in front of us as we reach the bar.

"Whattup bro?" Pointy shades fist bumps Dave and pulls another glass from underneath the bar.

"The usual, but add an extra kick tonight," Dave orders jovially. _Ugh_ the combo of Dave and alcohol sounds like a death sentence of unsolicited harassment to me.

"One usual comin right up. Anything for the pretty lady?" It's uncanny when people stare at you through their shades, but it seems that this schmuck is as good at is as Dave.

"I don't drink," I say before folding my arms and turning away to lean against the counter and watch the entourage of dancing creatures. All this is missing is a pentacle and fire and we'd be all set to do some archaic summoning.

"Damn bro, you picked up a mean one this time didn't you?" Pointy shades chuckles over the music before disappearing under the counter for supplies.

"Nah, she's just stubborn," Dave says. "OW!"

He looks down at my heel, which is pleasantly bony I might add, digging into his foot.

"Yeah, maybe it's a good thing for you. Break your streak ya know?" the bartender re-emerges from his hole in the ground. "Don't want her to be too eager like that last chick. Man did she seem desperate to you or what?"

"What can I say? The ladies are desperate to get a taste of me," Dave replied slyly.

I rolled my eyes in disgust. The only one he could have been talking about was the royal asshole who invited me to the last party. She must of been his pet before I unfortunately took her place. She honestly seemed more his type than I did. She was a natural queen; pompous, preppy, and petty. A swell compliment to his assholery bullshit of a cool guy act. I don't understand why he would have traded her for me. Sure my blood was supposedly "good quality" despite the whole detriment of sickle cell anemia, but she would have probably been able to sate him a whole lot better than me. But then he went and decapitated her for who knows _what_ reason. That honestly doesn't sound all too promising for me...

"The only thing Salem seems to be eager about is getting away from me though," Dave's whining pulls me unwillingly back into the conversation. To prove his point he sidles closer to me, and I take my cue to shuffle away. As it happens he just used my leash to reel me back towards him. I growl as he reaches to pet my head and both him and the bartender laugh.

"I can tell," Pointy shades says through his laughing fit. He wipes his eyes with one hand and slides the glass now filled with some reddish liquid towards Dave some short distance over the barista. The moron ceases his laughing long enough to catch the drink and down it in one go.

" _Damn!_ Those get better every time," he crows as he slams the cup down hard enough to possibly shatter it. Whatever it is it obviously put him in a more party animal groove, which is going to prove to be a terrible thing for me.

His next choice of words only further my reasoning.

"What say we go out on the dance floor now?" Dave doesn't necessarily leave any kind of _option_ in his question, but I respond how I normally do anyways.

"I _don't_ dance."

"Well you do now!" He grabs my wrist, ignoring my protests, and drags me towards the pit of doom. As he does, a song I recognize begins to play. A futuristic robotic beginning with a hint of coy mystery to celebrate our arrival on the dance floor, it seems.

Immediately I feel like the song can apply to my current situation, as Dave makes it a point for some stupid reason to act out the story it's telling.

 _~I can see you stalking like a predator, I've been here before~_

He circles me, disappearing and re-appearing behind me or to the side, making me spin around and around just to keep him in my line of sight.

 _~Temptation calls like Adam to the Apple but I will not be caught~_

There is nothing here that would even remotely tempt me unless it's murdering Dave, but the singer has one thing right. I sure as hell am not going to let him catch me for whatever reason.

 _~Cause I can read those velvet eyes, and all I see is lies~_

Dave pops up in front of me this time, his shades gone. Nothing to hide his blazing red stare. His eyes appear slick and soft in the unevenly distributed light of the club, velvet even. They command me to move to the beat. To move with him. Biting my tongue isn't going to help me out of this one. This spell has me trapped despite all my best efforts. I hate it with a burning passion as I obey.

 _~Move while you're watching me dance with the enemy, I've got a remedy~_

Dancing is the exact opposite of my remedy. It just drags me deeper into the trap. Literally amongst the figurative. Dave has a firm grip on me, and he isn't going to let go of me anytime soon.

He'd edged closer to me, wrapping his hands around my waist. Their coldness went deep, biting beyond the shirt and shorts in between. Despite the fierce build up in music generating heat from all the moving bodies, I'm chilled. I can neither escape nor fight him off.

The time seems to slow, yet quicken, until I began to feel dizzy. The people around us jump with the rhythm, yet are simultaneously dancing to another beat. Lights flash, and I feel oddly scared. Scared enough that I want to get closer to Dave. This place is not meant for me.

"You don't get out often, do you?" Dave chuckles, cocking his head to the side with a smirk crawling along his dumb face. I refuse to answer him and just focus on my feet, trying to keep balance. It's getting somewhat hard to breathe. But I'm not going to give him the satisfaction of asking to leave the dance floor until the song ends.

"Just let the music work it's magic. Don't fight it babe," He twirls me around. The 'babe' comment pisses me off. I'm _not_ his babe, and I never will be. I purposefully step on his foot again, and he jumps just a little.

"Haha, by the looks of that human you'd be better off telling a cat to get in the bath," I step back from Dave as a tipsy troll runs into him. She's about my height with short, messy dark hair and cat like horns. She wore a tank black tank top with the Leo sign, and behind her a blue cat tail trails along. I'm sensing either a theme or a furry.

"Oh, hey Nepeta," Dave greets her somewhat non enthusiastically. Gently he pushes her off of him. His grip on me is released entirely, and I backed up even more. Ah, personal space, how nice it is to see you again.

"Is Equius not with you?"

"*hic* No, I gave him the slip and came here with Terezi," The troll known as Nepeta giggled.

"That explains why you're drunk," he mutters. Then a bit more worriedly he asks, "You said you came here with Terezi?"

"Well Aradia is around here somewhere too," Nepeta looks around, but she didn't really seem all that concerned or intent on searching for her friends. Dave, on the other hand, is turning into the exact opposite.

"Don't tell Terezi you saw me," he pleads before dragging me off the dance floor and back over to the bar. Pointy glasses finishes his rounds and stops off in front of us. He almost seems to buzz with some sort of weird energy just from standing still.

"Yo sorry Dirk, I gotta cut short tonight," he apologized hurriedly, continuously looking behind him like he might be attacked at any moment. "Ran into Nepeta back there, said she came with Terezi."

"I get it bro. I'll catch up with you after my shift ends," Pointy glasses-er Dirk now I guess- nods his head in understanding. "Maybe keep the cutie around a little while too?"

Dirk no doubt winked at me behind his shades and I turn my back on him. He laughs. Dave says a few more things I don't really bother to pay attention to. We're getting out of here _finally_ and that's all I care about personally. When he's done, he grabs my shoulder and we make our exit.

Outside he takes my leash off. I rub my neck gratefully. That damn thing was beginning to chafe. Then without any explanation as to his sudden panic swing, a blink of an eye, we are in my room again. He pulls my prescription out of a void like pocket and hands it to me.

"Remember, twice a day," he says with a pat to my head. "Eat your greens and grow strong. Meat will do the trick too. You know what, just eat."

"Er..." He's pretty damn scatter brained all of a sudden. "What's the deal with Terezi?"

"Nunya business. Now it's time to say _goodnight_ ," His shades slip down, and he stares at me real hard. My legs totaled into jelly, and I collapse into his already waiting arms. He picks my sorry excuse for a limp noodled body up and puts me into bed. Hastily he covers me with a blanket before turning to leave. My last image before falling asleep is of him disappearing.

* * *

 _Okay so I'm apparently getting real good at forgetting these things. *sighs* Time to get slapped with a dead fish for my stupidity. Anyways, the song. It's called "Remedy" by Little Boots. Ya'll should check it out it's pretty good._

 _Disclaimer: Don't own the song, don't own Homestuck_


	5. Join the Club

"Not that I'm not grateful that he's left me alone all week, but what the hell man?!" I throw my hands up in the air, complaining to John. It's been a week since Dave ditched me after forcefully taking me clubbing, and I haven't seen a single hair of that bastard. Call me old fashioned, but that's pretty rude.

"Well he does just go off and does his own thing pretty often, so usually it's just because he doesn't have time," John shrugs, casually floating along above me. "That and avoiding Terezi at the Hive is tougher than you think. Avoiding anybody is, actually."

"Run it by me again what his deal is with her?" It still baffles me that he wouldn't be succumbing to this sort of attention, regardless of who it came from. He was just that big of a sucker.

"She's got flushed feelings for him but he thinks it's just infatuation with his cool kid exterior," When he puts it that way I can semi-ignore the troll lingo thrown in. (He had to explain troll romance to me the first time he used those terms. It was ridiculously endearing.) Flush simply translated to crush, and crushes are usually blown up proportions of infatuation. At least from my point of view anyways. I know Disney would have a hay day arguing with me on that.

"Still, if he's so _insistent_ that I'm his damn pet, why the hell is he being neglectful? You better be getting good pay for what honestly started out as a baby sitting job," I have no clue why I'm even arguing about _this_. I mean, I'm glad as hell that Dave hasn't shown up. But something about that has me pissed. Perhaps not seeing him for so long has me pawing for something about him to rag on.

"Nah, I'm his friend, so I do it for free," John floats down and begins picking at the carpet. I feel a very small, exceedingly tiny, almost non existent piece of my frozen heart melt. He is too good, too pure for this world. A cinnamon roll.

I sigh with a shake of my head. John is a good guy. It is a sin he is wasted on Dave. The jerk didn't deserve someone like him for a friend. Then again I'm not much better off either.

* * *

The door bell rings. Aunt Jojo and I look at each other. Neither of us got enough visitors to be accustomed to this, let alone at 7 at night.

It rings again and I leap off the couch to answer the door. I almost slam it shut as soon as I open it. _But he fucking caught it before I could succeed._

"Who is it?" Jojo calls. I struggle to push against him, but he's a strong bastard.

"Hey _Dave_. Nice of you to show up. Fucking finally," I say, my voice so strained as I push against the door with all my might. Slowly it begins to budge in my favor.

" _Sugar plum, dearest, honey, baby why you gotta be like this?"_ His voice sounds far more strained than mine, which means I am definitely making him struggle. But a grin betrays just how much he is actually enjoying this.

"You ditch me after a week of being so desperate to say we were meant to be. I have my reasons, asshole," For my Aunt's sake, who actually believes that we are a couple, I am more than willing to make this look like a break up. But her reaction is definitely not the back up I am needing.

She laughs.

A short snort at first. Which quickly turns to _giggling_. Then full on chortling to hugging her sides and trying not to fall over. I stare at her with the look of disbelief.

"Oh you are _sooo_ much like your parents," she gasps. That threw her into another tizzy. I let go of the door, not _entirely_ meaning to do it, but Dave falls forward with a loud thump and that right there proves that some accidents are the best thing in the world. My satisfaction is at a new high today and I walk away feeling somewhat triumphant for an accident.

Aunt Jojo sounds pretty close to tears as she steadies herself on the couch. The fact that she was finding enjoyment in my predicament, though unknowing of the truth as she is, baffles me.

Dave picks himself up and brushes off some supposed dust from his leather coat. Then he officially enters the house and shuts the door behind him. I frown. I still don't understand his rule breaking privileges. I'm going to have to get John to explain more to me later. But it seems that the door is more Dave's friend than he let's on verbally, because he's keeping his back to it. What, is he expecting to have a need for an escape?

Aunt Jojo manages to calm herself down enough to be able to speak- with moments where laughter overtook her excluded.

"When her mother and father first started dating, they were always at war with each other; always trying to be the Alpha of the relationship or something. Probably the best entertainment I've ever had before Netflix," Jojo carefully explains to Dave, giggling as she remembered the the way before I was born old days. On one hand it's great to hear that I'm doing my parents justice, on the other hand the fact that Dave is filling the role of my "significant other" makes me want to barf.

"And suddenly everything becomes clear," Dave mutters to himself.

" _Anyways_ , what are you doing here?" I ask, finally getting my annoyance out there again.

"Oh, a little messenger on the wind told me that you were pining for my love and needed your gallant knight to come sweep you off your feet," He made grand gestures with his hands as he moved towards me. That is the most winded spewing of bullshit I've heard come out of his mouth yet.

"1) I don't pine for love- least of all _your's._ 2) Don't touch me," I evade his outstretched hand and move closer to the protection of a couch and Aunt Jojo. Jojo betrays me and moves over towards Dave.

"Careful Aunt Jojo, he's dangerous," I warn, only actually half concerned about it. He won't do anything stupid. At least I hope not yet.

"Or I'll sweep you off your feet!" Dave cackles and pounces on Jojo, picking her up bridal style. Aunt Jojo giggles and clings onto him more than I would like. Dave's grin never seems to actually leave his face.

When they settle down enough to be coherent Jojo says breathlessly, "Tell me you're keeping him!"

I scoff, "He's lucky enough to be keeping _me_."

"Indeed," He agrees, though I doubt he actually means it. "Speaking of which, I was wondering if I might borrow your niece for a date?"

The magic words.

"Yes!"

Don't jump the gun, geez Aunt Jojo. I glare at Dave. He wiggles his eyebrows at me and I throw my hands up in the air. I don't have an escape out of this because Aunt Jojo is taken by the enemy. Literally and figuratively. I grab my coat and shrug it over my shoulders. My shoes remain by the door and they will continue to do so until I leave the premises of the apartment.

Dave sets Jojo down gently and she scurries from the room, calling for us to wait a minute. While she's gone the real argument begins.

"What the hell Dave?" I hiss. "Why are you here?"

"I already told you. I heard you were missing me and-"

"Cut the bull shit oh great and powerful Oz because I am not buying it," I cross my arms tightly over my chest. "I'm kinda pissed off that you up and ditched me for a whole week after all that you dragged me through and not fucking explaining yourself one fucking bit."

Okay that explanation kind of sounds like I missed him, now that I'm actually thinking about it. Curses I hope John didn't literally tell him everything I said...

"Just admit it, you missed me," His smirk pissed me off, and I sure as hell didn't miss that.

"Oh fuck off. I'm just grateful I didn't get woken up at some ungodly hour for whatever dumb reason you could come up with."

Aunt Jojo makes a timely reappearence and the argument gets waylaid. She scurries up to me and hands me a shabby looking phone, the kind that one could flip on the side and voila mini pain in the ass keyboard. This is the "when I actually leave the house" emergency phone.

"Just call if you need anything and come home at a relevantly decent time," she says cheerfully. "Now go have fun!"

Hahaha haha ha...fun. With Dave. What a joke.

"I'll take good care of her ma'am," Dave says with what sounds like flagrant lies and bull shit. At least to Aunt Jojo it would hopefully sound serious and gallant. Along with all the flagrant atrocities his statement sounded coy and slightly seductive which sent buzzers off like crazy.

"Oh ho ho, you two have a good time now!" Aunt Jojo does the little toodeloo finger wiggle at us, and Dave escorts me out of the safety of my own home.

* * *

Thankfully clubbing is not on the menu of redundant activities for the night. On the other hand if Dave is with me I don't want to be doing anything. And that seems to be the current case. As we sit here in an empty hallway at the Hive. Waiting for _someone_ to pull his obstinately large head out of his ass and tell me what we're really going to be doing.

It is at this time that I begin to wish Roxy would appear from one of those holes and snatch me away. At least then I'd have something to do, enjoy an actual conversation, possibly make a great escape. Hell, even listening to Crab-kat yelling would be more fun than this right now. So much for Dave taking good care of me, neglecting me again. He really should just stop picking up strays like me if he's not going to be responsible.

 _Woah._

Those were not my thoughts.

There is no way in hell I'd literally think of myself as his _actual_ pet. I am not some dumb animal he picked up.

 **Oh no, is seems you figured it out.** A haughty female's voice that is most indefinitely _not_ mine speaks up in my head. I get that weird sensation that I felt when Doc Scratch used telepathy with me. I would probably spazz out, but Dave is nearby doing whatever the fuck and my resolute stubbornness told me to die first before I did anything like that in front of him. I know that I should probably also ignore this voice, especially because it isn't mine. But be that as it may I thought _Aw, what the hell. Let's talk to the strange voice in my head._

 _So uh...who or what are you?_ I ask.

 **Ke ke ke ke ke, you ever watch Corpse Bride? Think of me as that maggot, except I'm prettier, smarter, and actually the spider instead.**

My head jerks backwards slightly and one of my eyebrows flies high on my head. That is a really bad analogy.

 _Sorry but I ain't dead yet, so you can't exactly make yourself at home in my head. I'd also appreciate it if you didn't put such ridiculous thoughts in my head too._

 **Bluh bluh bluh.**

 _Yourself._ I'm not all too sure how serious I should be taking this intruding voice. I still didn't get an entire answer to my question either. That and the voice's attitude is childishly annoying.

 **How rude! I'm not a child!** The voice protested. Apparently my side thoughts are not as private as I had originally thought.

 **Of course not. I can hear everything you think.**

 _Yikes that is creepy. Mind getting out of my head?_

 **Bluh.**

 _And stay out._

Since I can't tell if the voice left or not, I can only carry on like it was never there in the first place.

"Sooo..." I say casually in annoyance to Dave. "Any particular reason why we are just sitting in a hall? You made it sound like we were actually going to do something."

A sly grin crops up on his face again. "Can't wait to cut to the chase can you? I was biding my time until my room was cleared for a little privacy, but here is pretty secluded too."

Warning signal after warning signal flares off in my brain as I go in several directions with what he could have possibly meant with that deceptively cryptic answer. A fiery sensation creeps up the back of my neck and I viciously fight it back. The bastard has to be pulling my leg because he wants entertainment.

He stands up, and I warily do the same. I really hate that the wall is my only back up here.

Dave begins to stalk in a zig zag formation. First to the right. Then to the left. Until he finally ended up in front of me, right where he was intending to be in the first place. Over dramatic asshole.

He reaches up towards my face, brushing hair away from my eyes. I turn my head to glare at a wall. I hate it when people touch my hair, regardless of who does it. He leans closer and that Dave-a-phobic feeling returns.

He doesn't stop leaning in, and he's sure not changing any trajectory. He's not going for my neck. Maybe on some wacked out level he wasn't pulling my leg and was actually being serious about his intentions. Either way he's not going to win on my watch. _Auto hand defense activated!_

The intent was to slap him, but I'd only just managed to get my hand in front of him before he did some dastardly move. (i.e. try snogging me like ugh I'd probably die of disgust yuck) But he grabs it and presses the heel against his lips. His mouth parts slightly and cool breath glides over my skin. The smooth parts of his fangs press into my palm like a delicate kiss. They sting as he suddenly bites down.

I grimace and recoil in disgust. Dave's free hand grips my shoulder and shoves me back. I can't move forward and barely to the side. I am pinned and not lovin' it.

The flow of my blood is pulled towards him, and it grows faster as he begins to take more from me. It's nauseating.

There's a crash from up the hall, and it seems to break this trance Dave had built up. He drew away sharply and stared up the hall trying to see what it was that was making the noise. While he is distracted small beads of my blood dribble down my wrist.

Feeling that it's nothing to bother himself with, I'm sure, he returns back to his original task. He lifts my hand up higher to catch the running blood, going up and back to the puncture point and ridding any evidence of excess blood.

There's a moment where he holds still and studies me before slamming my hand against the wall above me. The action caused my jacket to slip down the other side and reveal my shoulder. The exposure and Dave-a-phobia increase dramatically with the thump of my heart rate.

Another crash sounds from down the hall and with it some shouting came. It breaks the veil of whatever illusion Dave is trying to set up again, and it's starting to piss him off. His head swivels around to glare at the noise, which is gradually getting louder. And closer. Dave pulls farther away from me and his control is loosened a bit. His glare morphs into a scowl at a now apparent and oncoming- wait what the hell _is_ that?

I squint, trying to get a better focus on it, but it's not needed as the thing turns out to be two trolls. One, a male wearing some 3D glasses for whatever boat floating reasons, and a female with one hell of a tangled mess of hair. They're pretty speedy, and it's clear that their intent is not just for a friendly race. Their path trajectory is aimed at none other than us.

The she-troll raises her hand and slams it to the right. Dave is pulled away from me and smacks into the wall with the most satisfying and painful sound ever. The male-troll pauses and puts his hands to his temples. 3D lights encompass Dave as he struggles to move.

"Oh for fucks sakes you guys. Can't I catch a break around here?" Dave hisses.

From behind another set of trolls come through in what appears to be yet another race. This one actually on wheels. And at what's probably considered more than full speed. One sits in a contraption that resembles a wheel chair, his horns resembling a cartoonish bull. The other one behind him is manning the ship and propelling it beyond normal capabilities. His make up skills could get him a job at a circus.

They don't seem intent on by passing this scene either.

One second I'm on my feet, the next I'm swept off them and pulled into the lap of Bull-horns. We keep going down the hall, speeding far away from Dave. On one hand that is a relief. On another I don't think I've ever actually been so terrified of speeding wheelchairs in my life.

I grip the back of the chair awkwardly over the troll's shoulder with one hand while I probably kill the guy's arm which is still wrapped around me. The one in charge of steerage gives me a dopey grin just as he makes a hard left turn. I squeal. Of all the things I least expected to experience, drag racing in a wheelchair definitely makes it into the top 10.

After about another five minutes of heart attack inducing twists and turns we finally come to a halt in a semi-empty cavern. The only things in here were a lot of consoles and screens with blinking lights. I'm not sure what the purpose of bringing me here is, but as long as no tests are being conducted on me then I think I can remain calm. Not calm enough to unstick myself from this chair and poor troll, but calm.

"Uh, you can, um, let go now," Bull-horns says awkwardly. His voice is nasally and scratchy.

"Er, sorry," I mumble, mentally forcing myself to physically pry my fingers off his arm and internally apologize for probably destroying it. My legs swing around slightly and I hop off him, letting the back of his chair go too. I'm a bit unsteady, and the excess adrenaline only seems to be causing more trouble in terms of jitters rather than help.

"Ha ha ha! Did you see that motherfuckin' look on his face?" Captain Wild Driver burst out in raucous laughter. He comes around and fist bumps Bull-horns as if to say a job well done. Whatever their job was exactly.

"Um, yeah. He, uh, looked pretty shocked and, er, angry," Bull-horns sure stutters a lot mid sentence. He sounds a lot like a kid who has social problems. I can't blame him though. He lives amongst a bunch of strange and dangerously outgoing people it seems.

Wild Driver turns around and gives me a grin larger and dopier than one could imagine actually fitting on his face. His arms, long and gangly, stretch out to either side. Before I know it, understand what is happening, can prevent it, I'm trapped in a bear hug.

"Good to meet you lil sister," he says. "I am motherfuckin' Gamzee, and my brother over there is Tavros, but I call him Tavbro."

I chuckle nervously, squirming a bit. "Nice to meet you Gamzee. And, er, Tavros. My name is Salem."

Must. Resist. Urge. To. Hit. Strange. Clown.

There are so many things wrong with this picture. The physical contact. The fact that he hasn't let go. How he looks like a clown and sounds like he's on drugs. The fact that he is still not letting go. Images of some sort of demonic soul transferring/possession taking place. A knife in my back. A strong general dislike and well intended fear of clowns in the first place. Wondering if he's ever gonna let me go. Sacrifice to some Clown God. Physical contact in general.

"Um, Sollux and, ah um, Aradia will be coming to join us a-after they're, um, done stalling Dave," Tavros throws the info out there meekly, like I'm supposed to know who exactly Sollux and Aradia are. Then again key words are "stalling Dave" so that must mean he's talking about those other two trolls. His words are distracting enough to forget about possible death-by-clown scenarios.

Not even a minute later, still trapped in this hug, the other two run into the room laughing their heads off and high fiving each other.

"That was something! I can't believe we've never thought of trying that before," 3D glasses cackles maniacally. There's a faint lisp clinging to his words, creating gentle 'th' sounds.

"Yes, well it certainly makes stealing pets easier when they aren't attached to him," The she-troll comments.

"Hey you two! Welcome to the motherfuckin' party!" Gamzee miraculously releases me and ambles off towards them. I exhale in relief, trying not to shudder at the prolonged contact. "I'll go get some wicked elixir."

"Thanks Gamz," 3D glasses waves at him as he goes by. Then the attention is focused on me and he gives a toothy grin. His hands are shoved into his pockets and the casual stroll of inspection proceeds. For a moment he simply circles and studies before making any comments.

"The name's Sollux, and I'm pro-anti-Dave," He finally stops and removes his left hand from his pocket in offering. I shake it, kinda enthused now that I might have a prospective ally with a common enemy.

"Salem," I respond, mentally forcing myself to not mimic his lisp. Prospective or not, offending him would've been a no-go mistake.

"You are pro-anti-Dave too, right?" he asks, suddenly in doubt of what just happened.

"If I could, I'd knock him off his block," I answer seriously. There's only been one time that I've actually gotten him pretty good and that was within our second encounter at the same party. Now unfortunately I can't ever find an opportunity to bite, and can only bark at him.

"Good, I can officially start a club now," he nods happily before wandering back over to the troll I can now safely assume is Aradia. They have an animated discussion about club activities and a big opening event.

Tavros wheels closer to me and says with a shy smile, "He's um, always wanted to start a club. And uh, Aradia doesn't really hate Dave, but she's supporting Sollux because they're Moirails."

"Wow, talk about dedication," I mutter as I frantically search the depths of my mind for the definition of 'Moirail'. Something about BFF's from John's dictionary of troll lingo briefly surfaces.

"Yo look who I found!" Gamzee returns joyously with a bottle of Faygo raised in one hand, and the other gangly arm draped around none other than Crabkat. He scowls heavily at the ensemble.

"What in the ever loving fuck is going on here?" He growls. His attempt at appearing menacing looks like a spectacular failure when he's got a happy clown hanging on to him.

"KK, you're just in time to help us plan the grand opening of the Anti-Dave club!" Sollux says, waving at the new arrival. Karkat's scowl lessens slightly and that is the moment I know he isn't such a hard ass after all. The biggest softie of us all has to be him.

"Hey Sol," he mutters. "You're still going on about that club?"

"Hell yeah I am! We need and anti-Dave zone, and we've got enough people to make it worth while," Sollux began to head off on another tangent about possible activities. Obviously some one has a serious beef with the vamp. We're gonna be good friends then.

Again it occurs to me my usage of the term 'friend'. It's becoming a bit more natural to think about now. To mull the word over in my mind. I wonder what it'd be like to say it aloud, and actually mean it. Perhaps, sometime in the near future, I might use it.

* * *

So really Sollux's idea of a grand opening is just playing video games on the many consoles connected to each other. But the way it's set up is what makes it the best damn club opening ever.

Because they're connected, we are able to play in rotations, so everyone gets a chance to play whatever they want. There is x-box games, WiiU, Playstation. This guy has it all. And the games are beyond numerous. He is like, a master geek, but is actually cool. For awhile I actually dominate in a game. Two of them, actually. Mortal Combat and Karaoke. To me Karaoke has been a given. I've always had one of those voices that sounds nice. And I could actually hold certain notes, unlike a lot of people. But Mortal Combat is an out of the blue surprise. Every win I make is a complete accident. Even Sollux can't figure out how I did it for me.

It's only after a particularly brutal match between Karkat and myself, complete with insult throwing, did I think to check the time. Instead I see that I've missed like 20 calls from Aunt Jojo. Oh wait now we're starting in on call 21.

"Hey, guys shut up for a second! I'm getting a call," I yell. The volume doesn't go down at all. Rolling my eyes I answer the phone and put it to my ear.

"Hey Jojo, sorry I didn't answer. I should probably actually turn the sound-," I begin the apology, but Jojo really doesn't seem interested in that.

"Yeah yeah, I don't really care about that, you're fine," I pull the phone away slightly to stare at it. I knew her discipline was lacking when it came to me, but this is a whole new level. I put it back to hear her finish her sentence.

"-know how much fun you were getting into!"

"Really Jojo? Really? What time is it right now?" I ask. Might as well figure out the original objective.

"It's 11:26, but that's not important. How's your date going?" I cannot believe this. She's the one that said get home by a decent time and yet here she is asking about this supposed "date" like a schoolgirl getting juicy gossip. Sometimes I wonder if we've actually swapped ages.

"I wouldn't know because I haven't seen Dave in I don't know how long," I say, somewhat gleefully as I realize that it's actually true.

"What?! Don't tell me you ditched him. Or did he ditch you?" Why am I the first to be accused of ditching? Even if he's undesirable company, I wouldn't ditch him if he actually thought to take me on a _real_ date.

"No, his friends stole me away and we've been busy playing games. Oh by the way, I'm in a club now apparently," I say.

"I'm not his friend!" Sollux yells.

"Well what do you want to be referred to as? His enemy? I don't think 'his enemies stole me away' is real encouraging," I shout back. He simply waves me off and goes back to his game.

"Oh, so you're with his friends then," she says sagely, with a hint of 'I'm going to add something predictable to this'. "So does that mean you're making friends too?"

And there it is.

"Sure Jojo, sure," Let's just give her the answer she wants because I don't actually have a definite answer.

"Good for you Salem!" She cheers happily. "You'll have to have them come over some time and introduce them to me."

Ah yes. Aunt Jojo, these are some of my new 'friends' or clubmates or whatever. They're actually changelings, but look like trolls a good majority of the time so no need to be alarmed! Hope you don't mind them hanging out with me now!

Man I don't even know what they'd look like as humans.

The phone is taken from me, slipped right from my hand. I look around in bewilderment, quickly turning to rage. After all this fucking time he finally shows up. Again. Mr. Fucking Asshole.

"Hey Ms. Princeton, this is Dave. Sorry I've kept Salem out so late," he says politely, fending off my attempts to get the phone back.

"Hey, you're not allowed here! Didn't you get the memo? This is a NO DAVE STRIDER zone," Sollux stands up abruptly, causing all the attention to focus on us. Faintly I can catch Aunt Jojo laughing on the other line.

"I'll bring her home right away. Yes ma'am. Okay. See you then," Dave concludes the phone call and hits end. He then hands the phone back to me and I snatch it away from him angrily.

For a minute he studies everyone in the room, a spiteful smirk creasing the planes of his face. No one appears happy with him, especially the stronger Anti-Dave advocates. Sollux looks ready to chuck his controller, while you can hear Karkat working up a verbal insult storm under his breath. Gamzee is gripping his bottle of Faygo so tightly it looks ready to pop.

"Club activities are over," Dave says coolly. "You've stolen her for today, but don't expect to get so lucky again. Now it's time for Salem to go home. We bid you adieu."

Dave grabs my arm and we disappear in a blink. We no longer stand in the cave, but outside my building. He pushes me into the wall a little too forcefully. He's madder than he'd let on in the first place.

"What is your problem?" I ask venomously. Loosely my fists begin to clench and unclench, working up to becoming tighter and tighter. Dave braces himself against the wall with one hand, bringing himself closer to me. The lines of his mouth are tugging down in a slight frown. Or maybe he's trying not to snarl at me.

"You should have come back after straying from my side. You're a pet, and you belong to _me_ , so you'll do as I say," His voice went low, and he struggles to keep his words slow. He's pissed and it's making me lose my cool as well.

"You know, you're the kind of guy I've always been warned about; the possessive archetype. Just because you've claimed 'ownership' over me doesn't mean you get to be a complete asshole and push me around," I hiss, throwing air quotes over the word ownership.

He gets in my face, and through the dim light of the building's lamp I see what nightmares consist of. He's so pale that he glows with a ghostly aura. His anger causes the blackest, deadest veins to form all across his face, scribbling down his neck in bulges. His eyes were bright, even behind his shades. Like coals come back to life with a spark.

"Stop thinking that you get to do whatever you want!"

"And you stop thinking you're superior to me! You aren't better, you aren't _some god_ , you're just another guy," I've had it. He's done pushing me around and getting his way. It's time to up my game.

It's also probably what can be considered my mistake as well.

Dave seems to grow larger, and he slams into me, pinning me hard against the wall. So hard I can feel the mortar of the building poking into my back. I feel winded, and my heart has lept beyond my throat and up through the roof of my mouth, jarring my brain. His mouth is pressed to my throat, the tips of his fangs poking and prickling, threatening to penetrate and tear me apart. In that moment everything is still. In that moment everything is simultaneously wild and chaotic. The blood pulses frantically throughout my body and I am ready to explode. For the first time I am actually afraid of Dave.

"If you're going to do it," My voice hardly sounds bigger than me. "you should do it now and get it over with."

I quiver where I stand, waiting for him to strike and be done with it. I can't hear anything but the unsteady beat of my heart. Time drags on and on with no end.

What is taking him so long? Why doesn't he just get rid of me? I'm not going to be his good little pet, so he should put me down, right?

He pulls away.

His skin shines like polished marble, no longer marked with inky webs. I don't know if it's possible to become pale when naturally so, but he seems whiter, more translucent. If he could, I'd say he'd break out in a cold sweat.

He swallows, opens his mouth like he's going to say something, then closes it. Then he is gone.

For a moment I remain still. The beat of a drum pounding away in my chest. For a moment Dave hadn't been Dave, and I was terrified. I'm still terrified. It takes everything in my will power just to move. To go up the stares. To get into my apartment.

Aunt Jojo mosies into the room when I enter. A big grin is splayed on her face. That quickly disappears. I've never seen her expressions shift so fast since...since they died.

"What happened?" She asks in concern.

"We...we just had a fight, that's all," I say quietly, calmly. It surprises me even though I feel stretched beyond any normal means. Must be shock.

"Oh Lemon," Aunt Jojo makes a move to come hug me, opening her arms out. I shake my head and she stops. I don't...I can't...I...There's just no way I think she can help. I shuffle past her and into my room.

The door clicks shut quietly behind me. Without changing I crawl into my bed. Blankets, piled up over years of collection, become my shelter from everything on the outside.

And I cry.

* * *

 _Yo! I don't know whether to apologize for this being so long or be fucking glad! I've never written more than 4,000 at a time before so this is pretty exciting to me! Also, voila a new chapter! Hope ya'll enjoy it._

 _Disclaimer: I'm kinda getting tired of these because like, you should all know by now I'm not Hussie? Though one of my other stories that I'm working on will certainly make me seem related to him. Anywho, don't own Homestuck. Just the currently sobbing teen, her aunt, and this plot._


	6. Dirk Complicates Shit

_Kay, so I'm just gonna get this out of the way since I forgot to do this in chapter 4. Ya'll have your head canons I have mine. Mine is Dirk flirts with whoever he wants because he's Dirk Strider. There, I said it. And a special thanks to SighingDreamer for being my first reviewer! Really I can't stress how happy I am, thanks! Anywho, carry on with your reading~_

* * *

I wake up feeling like shit. My throat is swollen and is acting like I just downed 4 gallons of ghost pepper juice. My nose is runny, my eyes are crusted, and let's not forget the headache that could probably kill for a living. I'm clammy and covered in the most disgusting cold sweat ever even though I'm buried under a hoard of blankets. There's now way in hell I'm going to school today. Thank god it's Friday.

And I told Jojo my analysis word for word when she came to see why I hadn't gotten up yet. She'd only figured as much. I haven't cried for a long time in my life, and with whatever it was that occurred last night, it's just a miracle this is all I'm getting away with. Before she left for work, a long and dull job in retail, she called the school to excuse me. I really need to make this up to her later.

For awhile after she had gone I couldn't get up to do much of anything. I just lay in bed and drift between lucidity and grounded thought.

I'd never seen anything like that before. Dave had changed completely in an instant. He was a different being. Feral. A real monster. And he could have killed me. I've been scared plenty of times before. Scared of small things like spiders and snakes. Scared by loud things like thunder. Scared even of my own species at one point. But nothing like last night. My heart beat so fast that each individual moment merged upon one another until it became a continuous string of fuck all. It jacked me up.

I've never been afraid of a monster though, oddly enough.

This keeps turning over and over again, mulling and stewing. It grows more complex as I keep thinking about it from each possible angle. It only seems to enlargen the headache as I overwork this train of thought. Then finally it pulls me under into an uncomfortable murk.

* * *

"Rise and shine, morning glory," A voice I don't recognize bleeds through the murk of sickness. But because I don't recognize it, and I'm hearing it through cell phone static, then I think it's okay to just ignore it. The voice doesn't really agree with me though.

"Yo wake up. I know you can hear me in there."

I groan something intelligent along the lines of _shut the fuck up_ , and roll over. I'm not dealing with supernatural shit today.

"Aw no, that's not how we're doing this today," That's when it starts getting physical. By now I'm awake enough that I can half understand what is going on. But does it mean I've got the energy to stop it? Hell no.

I'm grabbed gently by the shoulders and eased up into a sitting position. My head lolls forward, and I think something might try to escape my stomach.

"Easy, easy," The voice is closer now, and softer too. The space next to me shifts and a weight settles into the bed. Apparently someone is planning to stay for the long haul.

"Who're you?" I mumble drowsily.

"Aw, come on cutie, you don't remember my sexy voice?" I'd been good at not opening my eyes, knowing I'd only fling myself into a whirlwind of clusterfuck and mind boggle, but only one jackwagon has bothered to call me 'cutie' in any recent time frame. I rip them open, crying on the inside at the pain.

"Oh, _it's you_ ," I mutter while glaring at him through slitted eyes. "The bartender from the club."

He certainly looks better when there aren't strobe lights flashing every damn color in the known spectrum all over the place. His hair is a pale blond, sun bleached almost, and it's styled to a point. Literally. And of course he still has these ridiculous sunglasses on. Where the hell does one even get glasses that angular and sharp? Wait, no, that doesn't matter. How the hell did he get into my house?!

"You do remember," he croons. I rub at my eyes, wiping away crusty layer after crusty layer. Now there's no chance of going back to dream hell. I'm awake and have to deal with living hell.

"Riddle me this: How _the fuck_ did you find me?" Pretty sure this guy isn't in charge of knowing this shit. Not even sure how Dave found me in the first place, but still! Where'd my privacy go?

"You're the only one named Salem Princeton in Chelan, take a wild gander," Now he throws sass at me. "Just kidding, Dave told me. He wanted me to check up on you."

 _Oh._ So the asshole can't be bothered to come see me himself? If this guy is also here to apologize in his behalf I'm gonna flip some shit.

"And before you get pissed and make your blood pressure worse, he's really sorry for using Scare on you. He'll come around later and apologize himself, but I'm here now, so I might as well apologize for my bro's stupidity," Pointy glasses, er Dirk if I recall correctly, apologizes anyways. It's time to flip some shit.

"Yeah, well I don't want any apology from you _or_ him. What I want is for everyone to just stay the hell away from me and let me just be," I snap. Throwing the blankets off of me, I swing my legs over the bed and prepare to storm a mother fucking castle as I stood up.

It is a terrible idea. My head is replaced with cotton and it feels like I'm floating. Nothing responds to my commands to move and I can't see. I can't stop myself from falling, however slowmo it may feel. The air rushing by, the ringing in my ears, it's deafening. My heart! It's gonna pop right out of my chest, pirouette right out the window if it gets that fucking far!

"Woah, no you don't. I've got you," I'm caught mid free fall and hauled back onto the bed. If the this guy were to let me go, I feel like I'd just fall right over again. So I cling to him, though repulsive as the idea is.

"Damn, looks like he went overboard with it this time. You look like shit," Dirk mutters more to himself than me. Boy he's a real charmer. Every girl just _loves_ to hear phrases like that come out of a guy's mouth, be it an attractive one or not. Though I can't complain about much. I feel like the shit I apparently look like.

"Hey, Dave mentioned something about a pill from the Doc. You taken that yet?"

I weakly shake my head no.

"I'm gonna let you go now and get you some water. You'll feel better after this, I promise," I reluctantly release him and flop onto my side. What I should probably be doing is going to the hospital, but my distaste for their repugnant and almost religious use of sanitation holds me back. And I also don't know if they would appreciate my interactions with a vampire when it came time to explain how I possibly could have gotten sick.

In the time Dirk is gone I think I might have blacked out. But it's one of those feelings where you still feel awake from a certain perception. I truly don't know how being knocked out can make you feel supremely aware of the realm that really doesn't actually exist. I just know, like always, that I never know what century it is when I come too.

"Wake up starshine," And the trance is broken as Dirk is the one to bring me back up again. "Sheesh, I leave for two seconds and here you are trying to get some beauty sleep."

I open one eye and glare at him. Hardy har har, someone thinks he's a real comedian here. The joker hands me a glass of cool water and one of those ridiculously green pills that he somehow found even though I'm pretty sure I never told him where they were. I down it, but it threatens to get stuck so many times that I almost finish off the entire glass.

"Woah, hold up. You still need some of that water to down this," He holds out another item. This one in the shape of a cube, so clear that it almost appeared white. It's a sugar cube. He's offering me a fucking _sugar cube._ God damn vampires and their need to treat me like I really am some fucking animal.

I stare between him and the cube. He can't be serious. The cube looks much like a joke, but his expression is filled with such belief in the cube that it's almost comical. He isn't kidding.

"Well I'd say you can shove that up your ass and fuck off, but I think you'll take that as a challenge," My head wags lightly from side to side and I snatch the damn thing out of his hand. And down the hatch it goes.

It's sweet like it first appears to be, almost savory. Then, though it's not quite a taste so much as a smell, a disgusting flavor came forth. If you've ever been exposed to an environment that's undergoing a deep and rigorous cleaning experiment, then obviously you've been introduced to the gag worthy smell that cloys your senses and practically suffocates you. My beef with hospitals comes back to haunt me.

I'm choking and spluttering like a fish out of water and that bastard is laughing his ass off! It's bad enough to set the rage boiling and eat away at that ungodly scent. I couldn't believe I actually went and took that fucking thing! I should have known it was just going to come bite me in the ass.

"You're looking more lively by the minute!" he chortles.

"Correction, I'm _livid_ ," I growl, pushing myself away from him and crawling across the bed. Clumsily hopping off of it, I stumble into the hall. I can sense him following me, so I go to the place that would truly result in murder if he follows me there. The bathroom.

I slam the door and collapse to the floor. My heart is working over time and breathing is hurting. He's as damn near impossible to handle as much as Dave is! If I didn't know any better, I'd say their true objective is to piss me off to death! First asshole of the year gets pissy with me, and I get extra pissy right back at him. Next it turns into a show down of Pissed Off, who can do it better edition. Then he runs away and his damn look alike shows up and pretends to be my nurse. I take a stupid sugar cube cause I felt like I was dying, only to be fucking poisoned by cleaning products. I need a mother fucking shower to cleanse myself of this bullshittery.

I stand and strip. Ugh I feel disgusting. Being sick is the worst. Being sick and toyed with is like the god damn cherry on top of the fucking sundae. Being sick because of _Dave_ is just shameful. Nothing like a quick dowse in cold water to wake me up and then a run through warm water to scrub the Strider germs off.

* * *

After a luxurious amount of time spent with my bff Shower and old people soap, I feel satisfied of my cleansing process. My solid black towel says hello and I wrap it around me. Already my hair is going cold and the water that some how just doesn't get wrung out the first couple of times trickles down my back. I step up to the counter and wipe the steam off of the mirror.

Grudgingly I have to admit that whatever Dirk gave me, it works wonders. I'm still totally pissed about the near death by cleaning product, but the results left me...well...clean. And bolstered by the redeeming qualities of a shower I look healthier than normal. Lo and behold my skin actually appears to glow with new found energy.

As I continue with the examination the effects of this mysterious sugar cube, another thing catches my eye.

" _What the hell?!_ " I nearly shout. I touch at the spot right at the bend of my neck and trace it. It looks like a tattoo, but I know for a fact that Aunt Jojo wouldn't have consented to let me get ink until I turned 18. That and I never went to get a frickin' tattoo either! And I wouldn't have gotten a single stupid cog piece for a tattoo, I mean talk about lame.

I hurry and grab some spare clothes I always keep in reserve for the next day under the sink and put them on. It seems that today's choice is the purple Athena Owl tank top and some cut offs. I don't feel like a jacket right now, and Dirk has some explaining to do for this mark.

"Yo pretty boy what the hell is this?" I demand upon exiting the bathroom. Surprisingly he isn't still waiting for me. Instead his head pops out from the door to my room, a rather annoying innocent look on his face.

"I'm highly flattered that you think I'm pretty but I cannot tell you what something is unless I know what you're talking about."

I storm up to him, forcing him to back away from the door frame and retreat further into my room. I shove a bit of my hair out of the way with one and and point with the other at the new appearance of decoration on my body.

"What. The Hell. Is. This?" I ask slowly, a dangerous sort of venom entering my voice. Some things are easy to hide from my aunt, like the fact that I am socializing with a bunch of Monsters instead of humans. Other things? Based on my constant wardrobe? Easier said than done. If this is permanent then I actually have no desire to live and find out what Aunt Jojo is really like when she's mad. The rule No Ink until 18 is the only one I'm terrified of breaking.

Dirk stares at the mark for a minute, his face totally unreadable. I wait on borderline impatience for him to answer.

Finally he says, "It seems fate is saying you and my lil' bro are meant to spend a lot of quality time together."

I blink.

That was not the answer I was wanting nor expecting.

Dirk steps closer, a sly grin cropping up on his ridiculously photogenic face. He reaches out and lightly brushes cold fingers over the mark, leaving a weird tingling sensation following behind. I resist the urge to shudder and slug him, but my shoulders fail me and twitch a little anyways.

"That's Dave's mark. His element is Time, so that explains why it's shape is what it is," Dirk explains in a slightly superior tone. "It only shows up when something has connected between the Master and the Pet. Apparently something more than just a Scare happened last night."

I cock and load an eyebrow. I really hate it, I'm kinda getting curious. Curse me and my old desires. I'm naturally drawn to the unexplained and unexplored bits and pieces of Monster lore. Never before have I heard about things like this popping up. I mean, yeah it's common knowledge that witches have emblems and can use it to brand people or whatever, but vampires? Since when did they have things like emblems or elements?

"I see those gears working in there, come sit and I'll tell you more," What seems to be the trademark grin for Striders' lights up on Dirk's face and he gestures for me to sit on my bed. Though it's not quite like one of Dave's commands, I feel compelled to obey without a choice. Unless that's my curiosity talking. Fuck I'm so confused. I don't know. Dirk himself is shrouded in a mystery as slippery as a damn eel.

Once we perch ourselves on the bed, he begins his sermon on Vampires 101.

"Vampires are considered the weird kin of witches. I don't know how that works cause that happened in the way the fuck when and also I just don't wanna talk about it. Anyways, this enables us to manipulate magic to a certain point. But we more or less get the short end of the stick when it boils down to the details. Witches get to manipulate a broader spectrum of magic. Us? Not so much.

"We're confined to a single element which has certain rules to go along with it, yadda yadda. Each element also contains a class that bonds with it, passive and aggressive. The classes are determined by what kind of person you are, and what you get also determines how you use the element. Following so far?" Dirk puts his professor act on hold to see if I'm still awake. By now I'm in too deep and hooked on the crash course. He's got me hook, line, and sinker. I nod for him to continue impatiently.

"Anyways, Dave's element is Time, like I said before," Dirk nods, kinda pleased looking that his eager audience of 1 is still with him. "His class is Knight, and he's like able to bend it to his will or something like that. I don't know the specifics on that either because Time's not my thing nor am I a Knight."

"Well what is your element then?" I ask.

He gives me a curious look and answers, "Heart. Mine deals with the Heart, though more specifically I guess it's more of a Soul thing actually."

"And your class?"

"Prince. Kind of funny if you think about it cause it means Dave is my underling," He chuckles a little at that. I might have too, along with adding the remark about how he could stand to be someone's underling for once. But at the moment curiosity is working on killing the cat so satisfaction can bring it back. I really just want him to continue his explanation.

"What, er how I guess would be more correct, does your class work with it's element? Since this _is_ in your area of expertise," I lean in a bit. He still has that funny look on his faces and he swallows hard. Is he somehow not used to attention? Doesn't make sense considering he's a hot guy who works as a bartender, but whatever. I couldn't care less at the moment.

"Uh, well, the Prince class is a destroyer class. So really I'm more of a 'Destroyer of Souls'," he laughs nervously. Okay now this is becoming suspiciously ridiculous. And not in any endearing sort of way.

"Sounds pretty cool, I guess," I lean back again, snuffing my curiosity a bit. He relaxes slightly. Oh my god. It was me he was getting nervous about? No. No I refuse to accept this because unless I am barring my teeth and spitting poison then people don't get nervous around me.

"Anyways, what does this _really_ mean then?" I bring the conversation back to the mark on my neck. I can only assume his gaze is riveted to the spot because I can't actually see his fucking eyes. Apparently another Strider trademark is wearing goddamn shades at all hours of the day no matter what. An irksome feature out of them all.

"It's the official marking of his ownership. They only appear if the Master and Pet are actually meant to be linked together in some way fate wise. Most of Dave's pets never got one, so he discarded them. The trial run usually lasts a month."

A chill travels through me at the mention of discarded pets. Did that mean he kills them all? If I had failed to produce a mark at the end of the month would he have killed me? Would I end up with a head severed from my body? Goosebumps prickle along my skin as the idea runs away with me.

"There really isn't much known about fate when it comes to these things though," Dirk murmurs. "Or about fate in general, honestly."

He edges closer.

I edge _away_. And I find out that I'm a lot closer to my headboard than I realized. Something completely shifts in Dirk's body language and now it's my turn to be the nervous one. I'm developing Dirk-a-phobia to couple with Dave-a-phobia, even though I was completely comfortable with him mere moments ago.

"Honestly, it's not fair he got his mark on you first," he whines, moving forward and overcoming the blockade that I pitifully attempted to use against him. He traps me where I am, but doesn't pin me in place. His proximity is alarming.

"W-why would you have any interest in me?" I think I might already know the answer though. Dave's words about my blood type being special echo in the back of my brainspace. Something about it is obviously hard for vampires to resist.

His face dips out of view and he's level with my shoulder to neck line. He definitely can't be coming closer to investigate the cog symbol. He's not even on the right side! He breaths down my neck and my breath hitches. Why am I freaking out like this?! What is it about Dirk that makes this different from the experience with Dave? Is it because he _isn't_ Dave?

"You can't do that, Dirk. You know the rules," I stare wide eyed at the new intruder in my bedroom. Well, I suppose he isn't new considering he's done this before, but still. Dave leans against the opposing wall with his arms crossed over his chest. His expression is unreadable, the most uninterested poker face ever. The flames of hell themselves team up with embarrassment to scorch my face. For some reason I feel _guilty_ to be caught by him in this situation.

Dirk jumps away from me, making sure the distance between us is reasonable, but still close enough that it might irk Dave. His own expression mimicked Dave's, with the slight alteration of actually being playful. The tension between the two is indeterminable.

"You _know_ the rules, Dirk," Dave repeats again. "If the Mark appears then you can't bite without risking a double marking. And you know that's dangerous."

Dirk shrugs. It seems highly possible he might be at a loss for words. For a moment of pure agony nothing happens.

Then Dirk scoots off the bed, shoving his hands in his pockets as he walks off. With a small head gesture he walks out of my room. Dave follows silently after him.

While they bro talk it out there or whatever I spring into action and hunt for a jacket. I should of had one on to begin with. All that exposed skin must have been tempting Dirk; only a thin barrier between him and what lay beneath it. In the end it really isn't me he's interested in. It's what I've got and nothing else. Just like always it seems.

* * *

Stare offs are uncomfortable, to say the least. Definitely so when angry, and even more so when the other person knows they're guilty. This one is all of the above, and then some because he insists on wearing fucking shades all the time so it's nigh on impossible to actually _see_ his eyes. I can't tell if I'm making eye contact or not and it's throwing me off. But the showdown doesn't really end until one of us cracks and speaks first.

And of course right after I think this then Dave caves. "You don't look so bad."

His voice is quiet as can be. It's amazing he could actually get it to that level. Maybe he's just trying to appear soft to appeal to my sensitive side. If that's the case he's out of luck because I'm cold and dead inside. Maybe he's being serious. I can't tell, and I'm certainly not just going to let him off with a slap to his wrist.

"That's not an apology, dumbass," I cross my arms and amp up the intensity of my glare. This cause more reactions I definitely didn't think I'd ever get to make him do. For once I think I've actually got the most power here as he squirms in his seat.

"Salem, I-," Dave's truly struggling. I don't think I've ever witnessed a more beautiful display in my life.

"You know what? I actually don't wanna hear it right now," Thinking quickly, I backpedal with an even greater idea. "You can save it for my Aunt."

I may not have explained anything to her, but her imagination is quite strong enough to pick out a few logical scenarios as to the 'argument' I had with Dave. I'm sure she'll have a wonderful lecture to chew off his ear with. I know that she always did when my own dad had been an ass to my mom when they were first dating. She'd said she always relished putting moronic men in their place. And it just so happens that her return from work would be on her lunch break.

"What?" Dave's lips pursed together and his brow knit in confusion.

"You heard me. And you're definitely going to hear my Aunt," A smug grin tugs at the corners of my mouth like a child tugging on their parent's shirt when they wanted something. But I can't indulge myself until the right moment. He's gotta get his verbal thrashing from my aunt, and _then from me._

* * *

Aunt Jojo quietly opens the door and tip toes into the house. She hung her bag on a rack near the door and officially settled herself. She stops half a step into normal routine. I've never been more excited to see such an icy look on her face directed at Dave. And I've definitely never seen him balk like he was going to piss himself either. I feel like cackling, because as angry as I am, this is hilarious.

"Not to be rude, but what are you doing here young man?" I think I can feel icicles blowing around the room.

"I, uh, wanted to apologize," Dave mumbles. He doesn't stand a chance anymore.

"I'm sorry, but I cannot hear you young man," Aunt Jojo is stiff as a rod, her voice steely and cold. If it were possible, the room ought to be feeling like winter by now.

Dave suddenly straightens out. Like a soldier he responds, "I said I came to apologize. I was being an asshole to Salem and she had every reason to call me out on it. I let my ego get the better of me."

Bye bye powerful feeling, it was nice getting to know you. Hello down to business.

"You were more than an _asshole_ , you engaged full on dick mode!" I feel like screeching those words at him over and over again, but restrain myself. Aunt Jojo inhales sharply at the increase of tension.

"I'm sorry, and you are right. I can't treat you _that_ way," he looks down as he refers to basically every way he's treated me since we met. Pity is a bitch, trying to worm it's way past anger. I can't believe he's trying to suck up to me, now of all times.

Aunt Jojo remains silent, and I look at her, trying to get an opinion. She shook her head, simultaneously a 'no' and 'keep talking to him'. Her lack of interference is displeasing, but I suppose that really this is my problem that I should handle on my own.

I pinch the bridge of my nose. Today's imaginary victory fades into the distance and my shoulders slump. I'm going to have to be the nice guy, aren't I?

"Treat me like that again, and I promise you they'll never find the body," I sigh stubbornly. This is as close as he's getting to an acceptance of his apology.

For the first time since he got here a grin spread from ear to ear. It's not his normal, completely full of bullshit grin either. It's rather...relieved. I twitch just a little. Was he actually worried I wouldn't forgive him?

Aunt Jojo claps her hands, breaking the procedure of entering awkward silence. "Well, now that that's all settled, let's get lunch ready. Dave you still aren't off the hook, so from now on in this house, and outside of it, you treat Salem like she is your _queen_."

I flush at the command. It's so _romantic_ that it's disgusting. I shoot Dave a look saying that if he took that seriously I would end him right then and there. His expression-now the completely full of bullshit grin- told me he was planning exactly that and then some. He got a pillow in the face as a response.

Jojo giggles and walks away into the kitchen. Dave tosses the pillow back and follows after her. I lean against the back of the couch and watch as Aunt Jojo directs Dave around with lazy interest. There's definitely a new improvement in his actions. There's no haughty swagger of the hips, or sass in the swing of his arms. It's all sincere. I wonder what went through his head to shake up the cool guy act so much.

It's somewhat...pleasant I suppose. As odd as the phrase is.

I kind of hope it lasts.


	7. Lakeside Night View

"I take it back, you are still an ass!" I screech, clinging for dear life to Dave. "You can't just kidnap me in the middle of the night for some nocturnal adventure after going through the god damn motions of apology! You have to fucking act on it!"

"Tsk, tsk, Salem," Dave chastises me in good nature. He adjusts his grip on me, heaving me up higher and so I'm closer to him. Apparently waking me up is too much effort, so picking me up bridal style and making off with me into the night is the next best thing. I didn't think it was funny when I woke up because I was freezing my ass off. Jerk didn't even grab my jacket for me!

"By the way, love the pajamas. Can't tell if you were aiming for adorable or sexy, but I like it," The moonlight glares off of Dave's fangs as he grins. It still looks like he put glow in the dark solution on them just to make him look cool.

I bunch up into a tighter ball. What Dave is referring to is my new set of clothes; a really long, grey tank top with frills down the front and low neckline, and a pair of matching grey shorts to boot. All in all a lot of skin showing which he somehow got the adorable out of the sexy. But right now it's simply freezing me! No jacket, pajamas more suited for summer, and the bastard isn't even bothering with his blink travel either. Instead he's hopping over roofs like some majestic unicorn ninja or something and creating a stinging breeze.

"Hey, dumbass, in case you have forgotten: It's still the middle of _fucking_ _February_! I. Am. Freezing!" To add to my case as well as prove my point I shiver violently.

"We're almost there. Then I'll warm you up to your heart's content," That statement, with the tone of his voice implying a hole lot more than warm food and blankets, is beyond lascivious. I'm going to end him once we touch down!

"See, you're already getting warmer just thinking about it aren't you?"

"You fucker," I hit his chest with a hard thump.

"The ladies always seem to like calling me that," he crows mirthfully. I try to get a good one in at him, not caring anymore about waiting to be on solid ground to knock him out. If I go down, then this is how it'll be. But Dave touches down onto the beach line of Lake Chelan. He lowers me down. The grit, the moisture, the sand feels cool. My breath gets caught in my throat as I take in the view. Silence overtakes everything but nature.

The moon, though not quite full and declining by each night, hangs in the sky with a bright halo around it. Clouds passing through seem to purposefully avoid it and form an extra ring around. The image reflected in the partially frozen lake is almost ethereal. A very thin film of mist creeps along the edge as if tempted to dance a top the sparkling water, yet not wishing to hide the picture of the moon. Somewhere in the distance a wolf howl's it's song with a deep cry.

"I realized that I've never really shown you anything nice. It's kind of a thing I guess I just let someone else always take care of," Dave murmurs softly. Something slips over my shoulders, and it's not so cold anymore. I tear my eyes away from the mesmerizing view before me and look down. Dave had given me his leather jacket in an effort to make up for the lack of my own. Quickly my gaze flits over to look at the guy that's caused me a lot of problems recently.

His hands are shoved deep into his pockets, his back arched and shoulders relaxed. His chin is lowered towards his chest. One foot shuffles around and lightly kicks at the sand. For once I don't see a cocky bastard in front of me. I see a boy that thought he knew how people worked, and thought he know how to play them like a fiddle. But now he's learning, probably not for the first time too, that not every person is such an easy song to play. For the first time I'm actually seeing Dave in a light that makes him much the same as me. Not a god or a vampire, or even just some dude with a superiority complex. A teenager. And everyone knows that a teenager doesn't know everything, and will screw up trying to get it right.

"Thanks, Dave," I say. He looks up in surprised. Clearly someone had not been expecting that. Then again, neither was I. I don't think I've ever said that to him. Not even sarcastically.

"There's one more thing I think you should see," Dave says after a minute of awkwardly dragging the silence on. He reaches over and wraps an arm around my shoulders. I still stiffen at it, so used to being hostile when he touches me. I guess that might have to change, but I won't count on it happening any time soon. Being touched in general is something I don't like or do. I'm like a female version of Kuzco, just more foul mouthed and bitter.

I blink, and nearly have a heart attack when I see that we're in the middle of the lake now. I almost flip my shit thinking Dave had actually been pulling my leg from the start, but chill realizing that we're standing on a little square platform. I only have time to ask internally _when the fuck did this get here?_ before focusing on the words that are coming out of Dave's mouth.

"I come here pretty often just to think stuff out. It's really beautiful here, honestly. I'm glad that we found it," He eases himself down, causing the platform to wobble a bit. I do the same too, not entirely keen on a midnight dip in a half frozen lake. I'm already cold enough as it is, although Dave's jacket is big and pretty warm.

"I came here last night and thought about what you said. Reminded me of something someone else had told me. You're right, I'm not better than you. I'm actually worse."

Oh god no.

"Okay hold up. You're sounding like someone who over thinks too much and I'm just gonna stop you right there. Trust me, I know, been there done that," I hold up my hand to silence him. Sure I wanted to make him feel guilty and think things over, but not to this extent. I don't take pride in making people run back through some old cycle of thought that depressed them. Even Dave, a douche with an attractive exterior, didn't deserve that.

"Dave, let's be honest here. You can be an ass. You can be all kinds of asses-"

"Even a fine ass? All smooth and round? Like a baby's bottom but better?" Dave asks seriously, putting his hands forth and sculpting an imaginary ass in mid air.

I stare at him dumbfounded. I...cannot believe he is so stupid.

"Exhibit A: The dumbass," I gesture at all of him. A grin cracks at the corner of his mouth. I find that I really can't help but mimic it.

"But you've also got a lot to you that I haven't been introduced to yet. You've only shown me one side, and that's the full of shit vampire I met at the party. If you can prove to me, like you've all of a sudden just started doing, that there is more to you than well...," I gesture to all of him again and he laughs. "I'll do the same too since I guess I've been as much of an asshole as you have."

"You were in the right though. I was harassing you and goading you into having that reaction. I mean personally it's actually funny as hell the way you react but that's beside the point," Dave zips his tangent loving lips up real quick as soon as he noticed how _patiently_ I waited for him to shut up.

"I'm trying to meet you half way, stupid. Stop setting yourself back like that."

I scowl at him. That bastard is not picking up on how extremely rare it is for me to extend a hand of truce so far out int to the big nothing. Especially when it's meant for him.

His eyebrows rise in surprise. He leans back a bit trying to get a better look at me. The word "you?" is mouthed over and over incredulously as he points at me with an over dramatized freaked out expression.

" _Nah,_ " I say, rolling my eyes. "Yes Sherlock, me! Look, I'm not saying I want to become BFF's, lord knows the hell that would be raised from that happening. But a truce would be nice."

Dave remains quiet. It drags on forever and I'm pretty sure the feeling in my toes is now indefinitely non-existent. If he could take his sweet time just a little bit faster, that'd be great.

"Just so you know, I'm not gonna stop fucking around with ya. That's free entertainment you just don't get rid of," His cocky fullbuster grin is back. My shoulders slump, but at least he can still act like a dip shit. And dip shit is better than god-complex.

"Glad that's settled. Now take me home it's fucking cold!"

* * *

* _Shift*_

Beneath the surface of the lake, in the deepest shadows, a water born creature lurks and spies on the vampire. A human is in his presence. A god awful land dweller. He hates the species with every fiber of his being. They poison his waters with their waste and foul toxins. They poison his queen's empire with their existence.

It's well within his rightful duty to exterminate them.

But in this case, he now had a report to make.

As soon as the vampire vanished with the human he turns and swims deeper into the murk. The water is chilly, and some places of the lake he could not go to because of ice. But he had grown accustomed to it awhile ago. It's a distasteful location to have been positioned in. He much preferred his old one in San Francisco Bay. But his orders were to keep an eye on the refugee Monsters located here. And if possible to find their base of operations. They are an unknown variable in Her Royal Condescension's grand scheme.

The vampire is a known member, and he came to "meditate" in the middle of the lake so often it hardly became an unusual act to him anymore. But now there had been a human, and there'd been something special about it. Vampires were known to keep humans for pets. None lasted long, but a few hung around because of certain circumstances.

He turns through an opening between two giant rocks and then proceeds at an upward angle for about 10 meters until he emerges in an underground grotto. He continues swimming until he reaches stair like stones. Climbing out, water dripping down his grey toned muscles, he makes his way to the farthest wall to make his report. As he stalks by, crystals lining the wall come to life. It floods the area with an eerie blue light.

A mirror is illuminated, and he places his slick hands on either side of it. There's a spark, a glow, and then he is staring at Her Majesty.

"What is it Dualscar?" she asks impatiently.

"One of the vampire brats has been fraternizing with humans again," He begins his report with a voice full of venom, stepping away from the mirror. Her Majesty rolls her eyes as if this couldn't be any more obvious or new.

"He brought one to the lake just barely. This one is Marked," Her Majesty quickly drops her bored act and leans in closer.

"Well, well, well. It seems we have a new pawn in the game," she murmurs to herself. A wicked smile spreads over her face to reveal pristine pointed teeth. "Dualscar, look into the human. We may just be able to use it to get what we want out of those wretched children if using their family isn't going to be enough incentive."

"Understood," he replies curtly. The Queen's image flickers from view and then she's gone. His lip curls up and a low growl rises from his throat. A tic begins pulsing near his eye. His fists clench and unclench automatically. The only time he wanted to be on land was when he was destroying it.

Now he'd have to play human and go to school.

* * *

 _*Evilly laughs into the distance* And thus the plot begins to thicken! Now to weave further into it all._

 _Disclaimer: Psst, hey you, yeah you. I DON'T OWN HOMESTUCK. BYE._


	8. Harley and English

The teacher runs her usual droll of monotone facts about some schmuck or other and I find myself in desperate need of Egbert. My comedy relief from teachers like her and math spirit guru is no where to be found. Wherefore art thou oh Egbert?

The door to the classroom opens and two kids, siblings by the looks of it, walk in with the principle practically tripping over their heels. The girl has long black hair and tan skin. She wears a shirt with that "Habbada" dog meme on it. I can't help but admire her open admiration and display of love for that dumb meme. The boy on the other hand has short and messy hair with a shirt that's got a pretty wicked looking skull on it. Both of them have glasses, though the girl's are round while the boy's are square.

The principle clears his throat and puts his hands on the duo's backs and pushes them forward. As if the attention isn't already focused on them.

"This is Jade Harley and Jake English. They just recently transferred here into out school district. Please show them the might of the Mountain Goats!" The principle clenches his fist in the air as if his pep talk had rallied the troops, but all he really gets is an uncomfortable silence.

Normally I would have given the new kids a nod of pity in greeting and leave it at that. But now curiosity has struck this cat like a bolt of lightning yet again. The girl's name is Jade, and though it's not an uncommon name, coincidences aren't something to just likely ignore anymore. I just have to know if this is the Wolfblood that tackled Dave the first time I was in the Hive.

"Take any open seat you two," The teacher nods towards us in the already taken seats. The principle takes his leave, scuttling out of the room like a little pack rat. Jade and Jake make the somewhat predictable move and come to sit by me.

I sit in about the middle of the room on the right side. No one sits in at least one seat in any of the cardinal directions (minus my right side because there is a wall there) for various reasons. Only in the classes with assigned seats do they not have a choice. Personally, with most of the students, I really don't care. A few I drove off on purpose, and others ran away because I'm "scary and silent" whatever the hell that's supposed to mean. It just gives me a free expansion on personal bubble territory.

While the teacher prattles on, Jade is busy scribbling something out onto a piece of paper. Looking up quickly, she tosses the folded paper at me. Cocking an eyebrow, I carefully open and read it.

 _Hi Salem! I'm sure you've already guessed but we're friends from the Hive. We made a bet with John and he lost so we're kinda taking over his job for awhile. But don't worry, he'll be back!_

My response to this is: _Please tell me you're good at math._

Egbert is my lifeline to keeping a good grade in that blasted class. If he isn't here, my current grade is going to cease to exist. If neither of these two are good at math, my current grade is going to cease to exist. All in all a lot of ceasing to exist and imminent doom.

Her response: _Sorry, I'm better at sciency math vs. common core math. :(_

Doomed I say! Doooomed!

I can feel my soul leaving my body as I droop lower in my seat. The good grade in math was nice while it lasted.

Jade takes the paper back and scribbles more on it before throwing it at me again.

 _What is your schedule? Rose didn't tell me what classes I'd be having with you and which ones Jake would have._

For about a whole minute my mind pulls a blank and I can't think of a single class I have besides the one I'm in right now. Then one by one they slowly come back and I write them down.

 _Oh, we have half of our classes together! That means Jake's got the other half._

I glance at the back of Jake's head. The guy hasn't turned around to join us in conversation or anything. In fact, from the way he's sitting, he actually looks like he's paying attention to the lesson of boring death. How on earth can he possibly be interested in this schmuck of the week that we've been doomed to cram useless facts into our limited brain space about? It just doesn't make any sense.

"Get into groups of three!" The teacher breaks through the internal conversation and the students around us shuffle as they get up to group with friends. Immediately Jade touches my desk and Jake's arm. The action feels an awful lot like being claimed.

It derived a lot of muttering all around the room. And that didn't take much to figure out what they were making a big deal about. No one partners up with me. Ever. Mostly because I hate partnerships and the fact that I end up doing all the work anyways, but also because I'm pretty much the social pariah of Chelan High. And that's saying a lot given the people that intentionally try to gain that title.

"You're going to discuss the importance of...," The teacher rambles on with instructions that strike me as a legit waste of my time. I can't wait to get out of this suffering only to move on to some other suffering. I'm almost certain that a majority of classes are designed with the intent to torture me rather than teach me.

When she's done Jake finally turns around. He's got pretty emerald eyes, and I can't help but stare. They're so clear and unpolluted. A spirit of adventure shines forth. Too innocently though. Or maybe it's just because he isn't broken. I'll never find out unless I talk to him and figure him out.

"Well, it's nice to finally meet you my good lady," Jake says with a smile. He holds out his hand and I take it in mild surprise. He's like a British knight or something. I glance between him and Jade, with their oh so similar appearances and begin to question a lot.

"Are you two related somehow?" I mean, their surnames are different, and their attitudes are too sort of. But they came here together, and they really look like siblings. It's a confusing mess.

"Yeah we are, family dynamics are a bit weird at the moment, but yeah." Jade laughs. "At the moment he's my cousin."

My next question is going to have to wait. Everything she just said raised a storm of curiosity and it's quite difficult to contain myself. I know that Jade is a Wolfblood, so that leaves a very high probability for Jake being one too, but the school doesn't know that. That can be a conversation reserved for lunch on the anonymous staircase. And as it stands I'm gonna have plenty of time to get to know them anyways.

* * *

I fucking hate P.E.

Hate, hate, hate, _hate it._

Jake on the other hand, _loves it._

By golly P.E. is just it's own little adventure sometimes.

Not when you are me. I am almost certain this class has been seeking to destroy me ever since middle school. While I've been able to maintain a rather average body image, the curriculum seems geared towards doing things I do not like and doing it hard just to make my body into some athletic dream. It's a death sentence that becomes increasingly hard to avoid.

And to make matters worse we have an ex-marine substituting for us today. He doesn't really give us anything more that "Sergeant" for us to address him by. The guy's is enormous. Everything about him is dark and brooding, from the way he speaks in commanding booms to the way he holds himself. His eyes are sullen, and a double jagged scar rakes across his face. It obvious he'd rather be anywhere other than here, and to prove it he makes class a living hell.

After the "warm up" mile run, Sergeant yells, "Alright ya curs, change into yer swim gear!"

I throw a what the fuck look at Jake. He looks pretty concerned.

"Did he really just address the class as 'curs'?" I whisper incredulously. The way he barks his commands one would think he's more comfortable with commandeering pirates over marines and students. That and he's telling us to get into our swim gear? It's too early in the season to be starting up those shitty lessons again!

"There's something fishy about that substitute, and it's not just his words. The man reeks of the ocean and fish to the high heaven's," Jake's nose screws up in disgust. I'd point it out to him that the guy is an _ex_ -marine after all, but I don't bother.

"English! Princeton! Quit gossipin' and get yer rear ends in gear!" Sergeant barks at us. We jump and scurry away to our respective locker rooms.

* * *

Have I mentioned how much I just _love_ P.E? I love it so much. Especially when the substitute subtly makes fun of my body by using a double entendre *. And then proceeds to make me swim in a rather humiliating position for an unnecessary amount of time. I just *clenches fist* fucking love this class!

Oh, and have I mentioned how I got pissed off at the substitute and tried to call him out on it and failed? Because he casually pushed me back into the water after I got out. Which set off a round of flagrant vocabulary that just might of made Karkat proud as soon as I resurfaced. Which subsequently landed me in detention where I was cordially invited to spend my time with him after school learning to swim better and hold my tongue.

Good ol' fucking P.E.

Jake manages to catch up with me just as I am leaving and says, "Ditch detention. I've got a bad feeling that I actually know who he is, and that he's not good company. But his name keeps slipping my grasp!"

"Wasn't planning on it English. There's no way in hell I'm staying for detention with him," I jab angrily back at the asshole in command with a growl. A few more choice and obscene words escape from under my breath as I stalk back towards the locker room.

* * *

Lunch time has officially proven itself to now be a hazard to my health as I choke on some unidentifiable object while trying to make a highly desperate escape attempt.

To recap: I was at my obscure staircase as usual, but instead of my spirit math guru floating around I had the pleasure of the twin-ish Wolfblood duo joining me for today's slop. For awhile I wanted to completely avoid the topic about a certain asshat and pursue the mysteries about the newcomers.

They explained more about themselves in satisfying detail. Jade is the only one between the two that can change into a wolf, but Jake still has wolfy senses. When asked why that was, all I got was something about how genetics seem to skip generations at odd intervals. Not that Jake minded though. He didn't particularly feel the need to become an oversized puppy like Jade. (That earned him a slap to the shoulder, but all in good nature of course.) They told me that before they came to the Hive they used to live on a island, and that most of their time was spent hunting; Wolf style and with guns. It didn't take long to understand that these two were avid adventurers.

Then they rounded off the conversation about them and rolled into the unpleasureable topic of the events of second period. Annoyed, I had an awful lot of colorful things to say about the substitute and where he could shove his detention. That's when they started growling and _he_ spoke up.

"Keep insulting me like that and I'll make sure ya never get out of detention."

Which brings me back to choking and trying to get the hell away.

"Holy fuck," I wheeze between coughs. "What the hell are you doing here?"

Sergeant glares at me, thick arms folded over a ripped chest. He's pretty intimidating, actually. He really does look like a war hardened veteran. Definitely not someone of my usual persuasion that I should be butting heads with.

"You two, how dare ya just reveal yer secrets in such an open an exposed place. And to a human of her _ilk_ no less," he spits, focusing his attention on Jade and Jake. They barely twitch. I glance between both of them, wondering who he really is and how he knows them. I'd take offense to the term 'ilk' but I'm already in enough trouble at the moment and speaking sure as hell isn't going to make it better. Not every monster is good, or kind, or benevolent. It's a well known fact of today's society. He's not an exception.

"She's more trustworthy than people of _your_ ilk," Jade says in my defense. Sergeant's eyes narrow in disgust.

His response to that actually stings a little. "I've found out more about that girl than you have, and she's no good. Get out there and socialize with the normal humans, otherwise they'll find ye suspicious."

With that he turns around and stalks off. I sit and watch him go. What had he been told by the other students? The other teachers? What gossip did he believe? No that doesn't matter, not really. I quit caring about what they called or thought of me a long time ago. What really sucks is how he quashed this little spark that had been thriving so well during this short time. What he had told Jade and Jake to go and do...

"Hey, don't make that face. We're not going anywhere," Jake says, snapping me out of the bottomless pit of dreary thoughts.

"Face? What face?" I ask sharply, sweeping a bit of hair out the way casually. "I wasn't making a face."

They give each other a funny look and sigh.

"Nevermind, but just so you know we're not going to listen to him just because he said we should," Jade leans forward and pats my knee. I relax a little. There's no reason for me to be getting worked up.

Not one.

* * *

The final bell rings and I hurry out of the classroom with Jade. We're going to meet up with Jake at the front doors and get the hell out of here. No way in god's green earth am I going to spend detention with a jackwagon like Sergeant.

And the plan would have gone off without a hitch if it weren't for the fact that Sergeant appeared to have anticipated our thoughts and detained Jake at the front entrance. They seem to be having a heated conversation.

"Salem, you go on back, we'll catch p with yo-ou oh damn," Jade's voice goes quiet and I dare to look at Sergeant who is no doubt looking at us.

That is a glare that would put Medusa to shame. Also it seems that I am not escaping detention.

"Princeton. Gym. Now," Sergeant calls across the foyer. I freeze, stuck between _run away_ and _do what he says cause he is so totally faster than you!_ Sergeant stalks away from Jake and directly for me. Every fiber of my being is either screaming _ohshitohshitohshit_ or _run bitch run!_ This guy just keeps getting more and more terrifying.

The few students that hadn't cleared the building already are now keeping clear out of his way. He makes it to me within a couple of long strides and grabs me by the crook of my elbow, still walking and dragging me with him. Jade growls and follows after us.

"You don't have detention, Harley. _Go home_ ," Sergeant commands. I shake my head and mentally plea for her to not leave me alone with the angry substitute. But as it is, the teacher is very much against me. He will not allow Jade to hang around, nor Jake. I'm doomed as he drags me to the gym and the pool to no doubt drown me.

"Change out and get back her in five minutes," he orders.

"But-"

"Do it!" I jump and hurry to comply. Five minutes is not going to work with a wet swimsuit.

* * *

I stand uncomfortably in front of him. His gaze is nothing short of being hate filled and disgusted with me. But I refuse to be the first to break eye contact though.

"Twenty laps non-stop. If you're drowning, I won't save you," he hisses. I flinch before stiffly walking to the edge of the pool and dive in.

* * *

 _* Double entendre means using seemingly innocent words that actually have a double meaning. A popular example would be a ton of Beatles songs. Anyways, I actually had a bit of fun with this chapter because I touch on a few of Salem's internal problems, albeit rather subtly. T'was fun and made me feel evil. :}_

 _Disclaimer: Homestuck does not equal my creation!_


	9. Dream Attack

I cut myself just as I get out of the pool. The coarse grit of stone scraped painfully against my leg and I thought, _This is it. This is the end. So long cruel world. Adios motherfuckers._ The cut itself, after a highly brief examination, isn't very big. But I still need to take care of it fast. By now I'm already out of breath and ready to keel over. Twenty laps nonstop just doesn't agree with me. And if I don't make the bleeding stop now, I sure as hell am going to regret it later.

Shakily I get to my feet.

"What do ya think yer doin'?" Sergeant growls, looming over me.

"I have a cut on my leg, _sir._ I need to go and stop the bleeding."

"If it's just a cut you don't need to bother with it, you aren't finished here," he spits. I glare at him, but I know it's an insignificant gesture. I'm small and shaking, so really I probably just look pathetic to him.

I'm not going to listen to him though. I know what it is that needs to be done, he doesn't. If I don't stop the blood flow then I'm definitely going to pass out, and that's if I don't do that because I can't breathe. Being sickle cell makes my blood weak, and I can't even produce enough of it. Being anemic on top of that means that I don't produce enough hemoglobin which couples to make a disaster. Also, when I bleed, it's really hard to stop. Thus the reasoning behind my _hurry it the fuck up_ attitude. I've already over done it with the work out and now I'm terribly light headed.

I wobble away towards the locker room. His heavy footsteps echo behind me. I refuse to stop, or even look over my shoulder.

"I have a condition that you probably just unknowingly made worse. I'm gonna lay it down short for you; if I pass out on you it's going to cause you a lot more problems than you need to successfully be blending in with the human world. There are a lot of things you should take into...account..."

I can't say much more, feeling like each breathe I take is squeezing more than my lungs already contain. Pretty sure he caught my drift though because he let me go. I barely make it to the locker room and promptly begin to take care of the cut.

* * *

When opportunity arises one should always take it. My opportunity is getting the fuck out of here even though I'm pretty sure I'm not really done with detention. Then again if Sergeant got his way I'd probably spend eternity in detention and then some.

I take the exit that doesn't lead to the gym after changing and bolt it.

Jade and Jake are outside the school pacing like crazy. I walk up to them, but gesture for them to move along so I don't have to stop. Getting away from the school is top priority.

After the school is out of sight I can finally put it out of my mind by coughing my lungs out. My chest feels less compressed and more crushed and I faintly wonder if I'm turning blue yet.

"You alright there Salem?" Jake asks, gently patting my back as I bend over and continue with the hacking. His question is completely redundant because _obviously_ I'm not okay, but the sentiment is appreciated.

Jade growls. I've only known her for less than a day but it's already becoming easy to tell the difference between the growls. This one isn't the "intruder alert" growl, but more of a "Imma cut a bitch" growl.

"I'm...I'm good," I finally manage to choke out. I feel anything but good, though. The world is spinning slightly faster and seeing is like looking through drunk goggles you could buy at a thrift store. The tightness in my chest just keeps getting tighter and tighter. It seems I'm going through another attack.

Jade and Jake tense as I shift around a bit, sniffing the air. "It smells like blood."

"I cut myself...earlier...but it's taken...care of," I wheeze out each word like a dying car. I don't want anything drastic to happen that results in a ton of freaking out because it'll make me freak out and then I'll definitely hate my life. Thankfully they relax.

"So have you figured out...who he is?" I ask after another minute of heavy breathing. Timing can't seem to have been worse because Mr. Asswaffle decided to show up just then. _Answers delayed ahoy._

"Hey guys," he greets casually. "Salem, I told your Aunt you were hanging out with me this fine day."

I roll my eyes. He takes things in stride way too easily. No wonder Strider is actually a fitting last name for him.

Dave freezes up. "Why do I smell blood?"

Fuck.

Fucking fuck fuck _fuuuuuuuuckkkkk_.

I _just_ got done explaining this. Why couldn't he have gotten here then?! His timing, my timing, everyone's timing is just terrible today. Fuck this shit I'm out.

"She cut herself, but it's taken care of," Jake answers for me. Dave nods his head like that makes perfect sense.

"But Dave there's something that-," Jade tries to switch topics but apparently Dave isn't having none of that. He's acting like he's got ant's in his damn pants and he's totally not going to hear a word she has to say for whatever reason. It's a mix of highly comical and highly annoying.

He steps forward and grabs my wrist. "Back at the Hive Jade. Tell me then."

"But-!" Poor Jade. Her protests are lost in a blink. Only to be replaced with ear splitting shouting. Ah, the pleasure of being graced by Karkat's presence.

"Damn KK," I say, covering my ears. "Shut up!"

"And a dandy fucking doo hello to you too fucker," he grumbles. His shouting eased up and levels out nicely after that. It's safe to assume that I can remove my hands from my ears.

"What pissed you off this time?"

Karkat folds his arms over his chest and takes a deep breath before he begins his tragic and woeful tale. "I was having a conversation of absolute importance with this fuckwad over here when he just up and disappeared on me! I mean, when it comes to the Mayor and Can Town usually he's all over that shit like hunky dory. But _noooo_. He just thinks it's socially acceptable to leave during a fucking important and life changing conversation to do whatever the fuck!"

I nod my head in understanding, hands poised to cover my ears again because he's dangerously close to shouting some more. I know the feeling buddy. I know the feeling.

"You guys I'm right here," Dave pouts.

"Oh, so you are! Thank goodness for Captain 'Fucking' Obvious. I don't know what I'd do without him, do you Salem?" Karkat continues to remain obstinate and a hilarious pain in the ass.

"Salem, you're supposed to be my defense! Karkat's being a bully, protect _meeeeee_ ," Dave whines, hiding behind me.

"Aren't you supposed to be a Knight or something?" I ask. "Quit being a baby and go slap a bitch if it's bothering you that much."

"Hey!" I shoot Karkat a grin that says I sure as hell ain't taking sides in this. He sticks his tongue out at me.

I make a move to get away from Dave. I'd been fine while standing still, had even managed to fell like I could breathe again. But when I took that step to get away from him, I black out a little and trip.

A bunch of different hands grab me in an effort to prevent a face plant. The ringing in my ears reaches an all time high and it feels like forever in making it stop.

"Salem? Salem are you okay?" Finally a voice breaks through and the buzz in my head flows away. I lightly nod my head to clear the rest of the cotton. The ground shifts in and out of focus as I regain my sight. Slowly I'm eased up.

"Why do you smell like blood? Did you injure yourself somehow during that acrobatics display?" Karkat asks with a shaky voice. I look at him and see he's pretty pale.

I stopped the fucking bleeding, how sensitive are these guys's noses?!

"I'm good, just a bit exhausted. It's nothing to worry about," I sigh. Righting myself, I brush off their hands and move out of the cluster they had been forming around me. My chest feels beyond tight, and I really wanna cry. It's been awhile since it's gotten so bad. Not even that night when Dave used "Scare" or whatever on me had produced a reaction like this.

"How bad is your cut really? I'm still smelling it too," Dave says sharply. He reaches for me and I jerk away from him.

"I'm fine! Just stop touching me!" I huff stubbornly. I took care of it and these guys are just over reacting. Dave looks like he wants to argue with me, and I swear if he does then I will fucking fight him, but whatever he wants to say it seems he's gonna keep a hold of it for later.

"Well now what the hell are we going to do?" Karkat rebounds from his little whatever panic pretty quick.

"How about an introduction to the Mayor, maybe?" I shift the topic far away from me and onto something that sounds like a big deal to them. It works like a charm.

Dave grins, though still looking a little uneasy, "Now I'm glad you asked. Right this way to the best fucking friend you'll ever have."

* * *

I'm not really sure what I was expecting when I met the Mayor. It certainly wasn't a short, dark creature wrapped up in rags with a handmade sash that says "Mayor". When I ask what kind of creature he is they just shrug and say he's a chess dude. It doesn't make any sense to me and I'm pretty sure that's not the official term, but whatever. He's absolutely _the most_ adorablest thing I've ever seen!

"Oh my gosh," I whisper breathily, getting down to eye level with the Mayor. He waves at me with a tiny hand and I swear I can feel cupid's arrow piercing my heart. I spread my arms out and dive in for a hug with the little guy.

"Oh my goodness you are just the cutest thing I've ever seen!" I gush. The Mayor hugs me back and I pat his head. Moving my legs around so I'm sitting comfortably, I continue with the adoration of the Mayor.

"Were you expecting that because I wasn't expecting that," Karkat whispers, leaning in to converse with Dave.

Dave follows suit with the gossiping old ladies gambit. "No I wasn't. Do you think she's been possessed?"

"There's a lack of snark and an overflow of girlishness to her. I wouldn't doubt it. Dave maybe you should take the Mayor away from her before she infects him with whatever she's contracted."

My grip on the Mayor tightens just a little and I glare at the duo currently setting up an extraction plan. Albeit they've never seen me react this way, this is just ridiculous. They Mayor wiggles around and settles himself in my lap. The action distracts me again.

"Alright, you flank left and I'll take the right," Dave says.

"Either of you touch me and you'll find yourselves with broken limbs," I growl, resting my chin on top of the Mayor's head. Karkat sighs dramatically in relief.

"Oh wow, phew. I thought the worst had come to worst. Thank god you're still sane," I'd throw something at him for being a little shit, but my hands are currently arrested for a different project.

"Pipe down. I can like cute things you know," I huff. Dave and Karkat snicker and kneel down to sit on the ground with me.

"I told you that the Mayor was the shit, did I not?" Dave leans forward and offers a fist bump to the Mayor. His tiny fist is cuter than the wave. A very small, almost unnoticeable squeak escapes me and I snuggle the Mayor a bit more.

"Are you _sure_ she's not sick?" Karkat whispers not really all that quietly.

"Are you sure you're not being over dramatic?" I shoot back. We all burst into laughter at the absurdity of this continuous drabble.

"Well I never expected to see such a spectacular view," A cool, crisp voice intrudes and we look over to see Rose standing at the entrance to the cavern. A sly grin perpetrates her features.

She steps further into the room. "Two cats spitting with hate are actually making nice with the bat. What a rare and befitting turn of events."

I don't exactly have a response to such an astute analogy.

"What's up Rose?" Dave picks up our slack.

"Dinner's ready, and I've been informed by a rather annoyed Jade that you didn't allow for any explanations what so ever before you brought Salem here."

"Oh yeah. Jade was going on about something before we left," Dave scratches his chin thoughtfully. I hit his leg.

"You didn't let her even begin to go on about something, doofus," I say. Dave shrugs like it doesn't matter anymore now. I let go of the Mayor, shaking my head, and slowly get up. The blood rushes to my head and tv static fills my vision. I walk in the general direction Rose happens to be in with baby steps, not wanting people to go into another panic like earlier. I feel the Mayor's tiny hands grab onto my pants and steer me just a little to the left.

It's only after we go through what I'm assuming is the door and turn that I begin to slip out of it and worry. I still can't see jack squat, and my chest is tightening again. My left leg feels cold and prickly. Sound seems to be reaching me later and later, as if I'm listening to things through glass and water.

That's the odd moment when it finally clicks. Why it is that everyone still smells the blood even though I had though I'd taken care of it. Why my leg is going numb. Why I still can't see.

I'm still bleeding.

"Dave," I mumble. I think. I can't tell if my commands are actually making their way through my brain.

"Dave I don't-," Whatever it is I intend to say never happens. My legs wobble a bit, and then cave. I fall onto the stone floor, knocked the fuck out.

* * *

 _Dave:_

He lurches forward, tripping over his feet. Simultaneously something behind him hits the ground and hits it hard. He turns around and sees Salem out cold on the floor. The Mayor is at her side and trying to shake her awake.

"Fuck!" He scrambles over to her, Rose and Karkat hot on his heels. The smell of blood is now like a stench around her, and it only grows stronger as they flip her onto her back. A crimson stain blooms on her pant leg like an illness.

"I thought she said it was taken care of?!" Karkat chokes out in a high pitched voice. He sounds on the verge of passing out.

"Maybe she did too," Rose responds calmly. That would make one of them. He could hide what he wanted on the outside, but on the inside it's extremely hard to ignore one's self going ballistic. The irrational part of him berates him for being a wasteful little shit and letting that delicacy flow away without taking part in it. The rational part is freaking out alongside Karkat but for completely different reasons. He's not the one with the fear of blood after all.

"Karkat, you go get Jane. Dave, help me get her up," Rose commands. Karkat stands up and takes off without needing to be told twice. He gently picks her up, constantly trying to imagine that she's just asleep and he's just taking her out for another little expedition like normal as he cradles her close. Salem's breathing is quick and shallow. Through the chaos of his own mind he can hear her labored heart beat.

This is worse than when he had used Scare. It's natural and very much out of his league.

"Dave, stop dallying and get her to your room so we can take care of her," Rose snaps. He blinks and pulls himself back into focus and hurries off down the corridor, the same direction Karkat happened to run off in.

He turns and turns down what feels like numerous halls. As bad timing he begins to realize how fitting of a name this place has. The Hive. Notorious for it's maze like qualities and rejected by the human species. There just seems to be no end to it.

And yet, within moments of thinking it, he finds himself in front of his destination. Rose, who he had completely forgotten about already, opens the door for him and enters without a word. He heads for the giant bed he didn't honestly need because he's a fucking vampire, but is now grateful it is actually going to serve a purpose other than his...normal activities of choice.

Carefully he sets Salem down. Then the pacing begins. Rose sits on the edge of the bed and makes minor adjustments to Salem's surroundings.

Dammit what is taking Karkat so long?

"I'm surprised you didn't just teleport here," Rose says, breaking his anxious musings. "You're normally more collected than this. What's different about her from the others?"

He stops pacing. A million thoughts tumble through his mind in contemplation. Salem's health is a completely different story from the others, for one. Normally he picked people who had healthy, stable blood. Salem has sickle cell anemia, so he should of just ended her and spared her the agony of a shortened life due to the blood defect. But he hadn't. He found himself drawn to the Type-O running in her veins. With a bit of Doc's medicine then the deficiency wasn't a problem and he could continue with his normal blood bank cycle.

 _But there was more than just that,_ he thought. _I was gravitated towards her natural repulsion for me. It was hilarious, at first. Taunting her and forcing her to go beyond her comfort zone. But even that became irritating as she stubbornly continued to rebel. I snapped and almost killed her. The way she still continued to speak her mind, though scared as she was, threw me through the wash, rinse, and tumble cycle and jarred me loose._

And then came the Mark. The Mark is rare, symbolic even. When the Mark comes, it means that whoever it's on is meant to be in one's life for a reason. Some as a lover. Others to teach. And a few to be friends for the right reasons. The fact that the Mark appeared on Salem means she's supposed to be some sort of life changer. How, he isn't sure.

The night he took her out to the lake, he saw something different in her. A serene being, yet utterly alone as she gazed at the beauty of nature. Separated from others through her own volition, yet damning herself to a depressing existence she believed was living. His view of her changed dramatically then. For once he felt compelled to understand her, and it seemed she him. That moment when she offered to meet him halfway...That moment clearly showed how much she was willing to step off her path to prove it. He felt a spark of connection to her.

Rose clears her throat. He had been answering her question, just not aloud.

At that moment a hoard of people sweep into the room. Jane, Karkat, Jade, John, the Mayor. Oh god he had forgotten about the Mayor! Little dude must have directed them here since they'd left the scene of the crime. Though no crime had really occurred.

"Don't panic. I see you panicking over there Strider the Younger," Jane says calmly, also throwing in a little teasing to make him feel better. She approaches Salem and rolls up the pant leg to reveal what should have been a small cut. Instead there's the cut which has no doubt opened a bit more and then all the blood from that. It's enough to make Karkat pass out. Nobody really paid attention to him though.

"I thought it wasn't supposed to be this bad?" Jade asks in confusion. She rings her hands together anxiously.

"It's not as bad as it looks, I promise. The cut just opened a little bit more from her moving around is all. I can see though that her condition spells disaster for an opportunity like this. That and she's clearly exhausted," Jane runs her hands up and down Salem's leg, prattling on with her analysis. Her eyes glow slightly as she reads the internal situation.

"We should have found a way to get Salem out of detention," Jade hits her head with the palm of her hand as she curses herself. "Ugh, how much did that substitute make her do?"

"What there's a substitute at the school now?" John asks.

"Yeah, he's this really big guy. And get this he's actually a monster. I think he's either a changeling or a shape shifter. But the point is that he's picking on Salem for some reason."

"What?" he snarls. "Tell me everything about this bastard. Starting from when he showed up."

* * *

I stare down at a pool- no wait I'm standing on one? Agh, the vision in this place is distorted. But through it all I can see that I'm unmistakably wearing a dress. It's my white summer dress that my mom picked out for me!

"Mom!" A kid's voice echoes all around me. I look everywhere until I spot the source. Quietly I gasp in surprise.

My mom stands a few yards away from me, holding her arms out in front of her as if she's going to catch someone. She looks just like I remember her. Long hair that falls in delicate curls around her face. Clear, blue eyes. Warm smile. She looks so happy.

A little girl wearing my same white summer dress, small white ribbon holding back shiny black hair, runs into my mom's arms. They spin around and laugh crazily. It creates ripples and they fade away.

Not wanting o be left behind I take a step forward, small arms stretching out as if they're capable of reaching for the already distant memory. My foot falls through water and I tumble down. My descent is slow, and bubbles gather around me in great clusters. Oddly, there doesn't seem to be a need for panic. It's as if I was expecting for this to happen from the beginning.

I bump into something hard and cold, and the bubbles scatter away. A light slowly brightens with a new scene to unfold.

It's night time, and the harvest moon hangs in the sky with stars like fireflies surrounding it. I can't determine what much of the area looks like, most of my view being limited to the sky. But the edges are like a bank. Small flowers crowd in lumps everywhere, and a wheat like weed over takes most everything. It reminds me of a meadow I used to go camping in with my parents.

The crickets chirp. The frogs serenade. And the owls commentate. A lone wolf howls to the moon, or perhaps to far off kin. But one thing is different from the rest. For the sounds of nature do not have room for the sounds of quiet sobbing.

A new shape takes form. A young boy crouches at the edge of the pond. His hair is light and silvery, the moon reflecting brightly off of it. His outfit is pitch black and designed for a couple centuries ago. Everything about him seems so lonely.

I touch the image before me. I don't want him to cry here alone. I don't know him, but I don't wish for him to be so sad. Alone and sad always results in a tiring existence. My heart aches for him.

But I can't reach him.

Instead I hit the edge like touching my reflection in the mirror. It causes a tiny thunk and the boy looks up, startled.

His eyes glow red against his pale skin. They're shockingly so. With tears glistening and pouring, they look like two jewels polished for viewing. I feel drawn into them. Their call hypnotic like the melody of a siren. So beautiful, yet holding onto more weight than they should be burdened with. A tragedy within the guise of artistry.

I want to tell him to not cry. That I'm here and would help him any way I could. But when I open my mouth, not a single sound comes out. Confused I try again and again, but to no avail.

So I have to settle for touching the mirror like water again.

He stares at me, tears still pouring from his beautiful eyes. Then tentatively he reaches forward as if to touch the water. But his hand jerks away suddenly and he looks over his shoulder. For a moment he stays still.

He turns around again quickly, rubbing the evidence of his cry away. Then he stands up and stares me down. His inner conflict is obvious, but the details are still a mystery to me. He turns to go when he reaches a decision. Not before he gives a small wave in good bye though.

The bubbles bombard me the moment he leaves my field of sight. A curious sensation propels me upwards. Slowly I ascend to a new plane of darkness. It's rendered, however with more light and voices.

* * *

"Salem! Are you in there?" I groan at the sudden outburst of sound. Briefly my eyes flutter open, only to drastically close at the brightness. I want to go back to sleep. There was a dream I was having that I want to return to...

But why?

Nothing comes to surface as to what the dream was about. Yet I get this feeling it was pretty important. Try as I might though this mystery isn't going to get solved right now.

"And the princess arises. Here I was thinking I'd get a lucky break and wake her up with a kiss," The familiar teasing drives through my thoughts and puts everything on hold in an irritating manner.

"Your kisses are probably like death," I mumble in annoyance. I reach up and rub my eyes. Ugh, I feel like shit. What happened again? Oh yeah...I got knocked the fuck out through my own idiocy.

"Salem, your words, they're so cold!" Dave sniffs really loudly, using a boo-hoo voice.

"Oh go cry me a river ya drama queen," I pull myself up ever so slowly so that I might not enter any weird as fuck realm of dreams again. There is a very noticeable silence, and I take a peek to see who all has passed out from a lack of oxygen.

"Why's Karkat on the floor?" First comment out of my mouth. Second is, "Oh hi Jade. John!"

Seeing the math guru lifts my spirits. He grins and waves at me. Oh boy do I have math homework for him.

"How are you feeling dear?" A kindly voice drags my attention away from John, and I look over to see a short young woman smiling at me with the same quirky smile as John's. I look between the two rather quickly and come to a very rash conclusion that they're related some how.

"I'm okay I guess," I shrug.

"Well that's a relief. My name is Jane by the way," She reaches out a hand and I shake it. "It's about time you got something in you to eat now, so why don't we all head to the Mess Hall? Do you think you can stand?"

I feel like that's all I've been doing for eons, but I shrug again and get up. Nothing happens. For that alone I am relieved. And it seems everyone agrees with me.

"Well, now let's go get something to eat," Dave returns to business. "Oh, and I guess someone should get Karkat off the floor."

"Shut up you nooksniffer," came the muffled reply.

"And he lives!"

"I said shut up," Karkat pulls himself into a sitting position, rubbing his head.

"Now that two princesses have gotten their beauty sleep I think we can all agree it's time to eat," What a pushover. I guess that's not ever gonna change in him.

"Oh Salem! There are a lot of people I want you to meet. I think you'll really like them," John says excitedly. He stretches his hand out and grabs my own. I stare at it as he pulls me away and off onto some new bizarre adventure.

It's the signature of a friend after all.

* * *

 _Ah I'm stoked now! I've got big plans to help move along relationship development and a shit ton of fluff coming up HOLY SHIT YOU GUYS! Somebody come pelt me with Swedish Fish cause I need to calm down-_

 _Disclaimer: Don't own da Homestuck. If you're looking for Hussie you've got the wrong writer._


	10. New Greetings, New Problems

The Mess Hall seems to live up to it's name. In an artistic sort of way almost. With the glowing crystals shedding light on the subject, I really can see how everyone has added their own touch to the place. It's like looking in on a mismatched group that's patched each other together to show their framework as a family.

Several card tables have been shoved together to form a sort of long dining table. But the more homey part of it is how none of the chairs even match. There are folding chairs with different colored cushions, rolling chairs, stools, and even a couple of what look like school chairs. And there are a ton of chairs that equal out to be more than the current gathering, which leads me to believe the the Refuge for Monsters has a lot of people living here.

In various corners different types of studios are set up. Right away I can guess the consoles and computers belong to Sollux. I guess the guy tries to make sure his wires aren't ever too far out of his reach. Another holds a lot of spare parts from various mechanical devices. It's either a junkyard or someone intends to build a transformer. Nearby that is an art studio where it seems nigh on impossible to find a clean surface not inflected with paint. The little things like that continue around the room and give a decent insight into people I haven't met yet.

"Lemon!" A bubbly voice pierces the air and a troll makes a mad dash towards me. The immediate reaction is to step to the side and avoid collision, but if it's who I think it is then it'll be pointless. The troll, part time mermaid, known as Feferi strikes me as the type to get the hug no matter the evasive maneuvers employed.

She crashes into me and John looses his grip on my hand. Yet again I find myself on the floor. How many times must I fall before the floor finally understands that I'm madly in love with it? The world may never know.

"Oh I'm so glubbin' excited you're staying for dinner, this is going to be so great!" she giggles.

Awkwardly I pat her back and chuckle along with her. "Yeah, it's an interesting experience to say the least."

So many observations to make. So many questions to ask. So many answers to receive! It's actually making me itch in excitement. The cat is fighting the bag so it can chase after it's favorite toy: Curiosity.

Feferi gets off of me and helps me up. Happily she leads the way over to the table and sits in what I'm assuming is her personal seat; a pillowed up lawn chair. I take the regular looking wood chair next to her and hope no one gets mad at me for taking their seat.

Dave and John sit a little farther away on the opposite side and begin quietly discussing things. Jade hovers nearby, throwing the occasional comment into the conversation. The Mayor climbs upon a really tall chair next to Dave, and Karkat sits on the other side still rubbing his head. Rose settles herself down in a comfortable looking reading chair and appears to be waiting for someone.

And then, as soon as everyone present gets themselves seated, the flow of chatter from outside the Mess Hall reaches us.

"Omg! Lemon I didn't know you's gonna be joining us. Best surprise ever!" I turn around and see Roxy waving furiously at me with an excited grin on her face. A small smile creeps up on me and I find myself waving back at her.

"What? Salem's here? Let me through," Sollux pushes past Roxy, Aradia silently treading along after him. She apologetically smiles at Roxy as she passes the girl who is still too excited to care. She turns around and Pokes her head into the hall.

"Nepeta, she's here! That girl I was telling you about, come on!"

"So it seems you live," Sollux remarks as he draws me into a different focus. "Which is good cause I seriously cannot afford to have one of my club members dying on me."

"And I see you're still the walking embodiment of sass, which is good cause I can't have a club leader that acts like a limp noodle," I tease. I hope he doesn't mind that I've come to a draw with Dave. Perhaps he'll see that some good has come of it and think of me as an inside man. Take the opportunity to screw with Dave and all.

"I'd have to worry if he wasn't," Feferi giggles. A faint smile processes on Sollux's face.

"Salem, this is Nepeta. She's a totes cool cat," Focus shifts again back to Roxy. She gestures dramatically between me and the troll.

"Oh, it's you," We say at the same time.

"You guys have already met?" Roxy chirps.

"Yeah...," We both enter intense study mode in which we examine each other without the flashing strobe lights of the club and inebriation of varying degrees to hinder us.

She's short, but muscular. Her eyes mimic a cat's and make believe that she knows a great deal of playful answers to mysteries she won't share. Raven black hair curls around her innocent looking face, and the corners of her nose and lips continuously twitch as if tickled by it. Adorable cat eared horns pop up from her head.

She pounces on me, grasping my hands enthusiastically and taking me utterly by surprise. "You're so gorgeous! Will you model for me after dinner?"

Heat blooms in my cheeks. Gorgeous is too much of an overstatement for me. And especially since it's a compliment meant _for me_. These guys are too generous considering I am just a lump of skin and bones with a handful of salt and wrath thrown in.

"I'm not really, but I guess if you want to," I answer hesitantly. Nepeta purrs in delight and beams at me.

More people enter the hall and the place begins to get a little more lively. Gamzee lopes into the room with a huge grin on his face and immediately begins talking to Karkat on sight. Two girls strut in after him. One wears red glasses while the other looks like she's trying to combine badass with hipster. Tavros wheels in closely after them. Slowly the last few people seem to trickle in and sit in their respective seats. But even that doesn't fill every gap.

The chatter rises considerably in volume as everyone falls into their regular habits. I'm pretty content to just sit and watch the transactions. It takes people watching to a whole new level.

Rose stands and flicks her hand. There's a mini flash and an assorted array of food appears (i.e sandwiches of varying degrees and something that suspiciously looks like spaghettios.) She sits down again and returns to her conversation with a stylish looking troll. They continuously exchange sly looks between each other. Those mischievous, trouble making looks though. They're so... _suggestive._

"Hey, land dwelling human," I turn to my left and quizzically stare at a sullen looking fish troll. His purple streak and hipster frames pop out so much it takes me a moment to ever remember he's talking to me.

"What are you doing here?"

"Making you ask stupid questions, why is it working yet?" Sollux yells about burns from across the table and stands up to high five me. The fish dude puffs up angrily. It brings to mind a cute puffer fish with his face worked into it. The delusion tempts me to laugh, but not just yet.

"Don't sass _me_ you lowblood," I squint and mentally convey a stream of what the fucks' to him. Is he being an ass, or just severely confused? I'm pretty sure he doesn't know I actually do technically have low blood, what being sickle cell anemic after all. But what kind of a pussy ass insult is that?

"Eridan, I hate to inform you, but all humans have the same colored blood," Sollux says with a superior-than-thou attitude. He seems pretty smug in also trumping the fish dude. Fish dude, also known as Eridan (heh Fishdan), looks ready to pop. The more I think about it, the more he continues to make his case that is actually an irl puffer fish.

"She's my friend, so don't bother her Eridan," Feferi adds, tugging me slightly away from him. Fish dude (Eridan) notably stiffens at her command. An aura wave of displeasement comes off of him and hits me like a bucket of cold water. With a very dramatic flourish he turns his nose up at me.

My spirits falter a tiny bit at the gesture. I've see that action used against me so many times that I should be immune to it by now, yet I guess I was just letting the feel goods get to me and it stings just a little.

Feferi tugs my arm again and I turn away from the fish dude. She smiles at me and offers a sandwich with the under-suspicion-of-being-spaghettios. I take it, suddenly feeling the pressure of a certain vampire on me. That is definitely uncalled for, as I would have gotten food anyways. It feels like my stomach is folding in on itself trying to eat things it shouldn't. A dying whale noise has yet to appear, but I'm not willing to risk having everyone else hear it.

"Don't worry about him. He's pretty stingy about 97% of the time anyways," Feferi whispers with a pat to my shoulder. I look back at the said stingy fish dude.

Little icicles blow around the room as I see that he's been glaring at me. His cheeks continue to remain puffed out. It's official, he's an irl bitty puffer fish.

" _Pfft,_ " My hand flies to my mouth to shut it up before I make matters worse. It does not fail to escape his attention that I have snorted a little at him. He bristles, but certainly doesn't drop the puffer fish look which is what's making me laugh. I shake silently as I try to keep it in.

"What are you laughfin at?" he demands. And there goes my self control right out the imaginary window. A small giggle. A little bit further. The torrent unleashes itself, waltzes right out of my mouth without my permission. I laugh out loud, completely overcome by the magnitude of how hilarious this is.

Fishdan, as I have just barely officially decided, is flabbergasted to say the least. On one hand he's so confused. On the other hand he's angry but can't seem to say anything and opens and closes his mouth like...like a fish out of water!

"I'm...I'm sorry," I wheeze between gasps for air. "You just...and you're cheeks puffing out...looked like a puffer fish!" I fan my face, finding the room had quickly gotten hot. Fishdan blinks in surprise, his anger flowing out of his posture. Whatever he was thinking before is clearly not what he's thinking now. But his face goes purple.

Wiping my eyes, which had started to water, I reach out with a free hand and say, "My name's Salem."

He stares at my hand like it's a foreign object for a minute. Slowly he twitches his way into reaching up and taking mine in his. We do this awkward jitter that I can only assume is a hand shake.

"Eridan Ampora," he replies in a daze. I think I might have possibly broken him.

"Wow, I don't think I've ever seen him do that with a human before. Doesn't the hand ripping usually happen before any civil niceties can get exchanged?" The girl with the red glasses whispers not so quietly to her badass hipster friend.

"Shut it, Terezi!" Fishdan snaps out of his stupor upon hearing himself being mocked. I turn and study her more closely now. THis is the troll that has been said to have a crush on Dave after all.

Trouble, trouble, trouble. A smirk that cries wolf can say a lot about a personality. Pranking seems to be a given in her nature. Her glasses are hard to see through and they create a red glare that kind of makes her look demonic. A good couplet for the rest of her laid back punk style.

The friend 'whispers' back to Terezi, "How long do you think it'll be before he asks for that hand in marriage?"

I turn back to Fishdan. Facepalm X violet blush combo has been engaged. Poor dude looks torn between killing them and killing himself.

"He couldn't do that even if he wanted to," I decide to step in and defend Fishdan. Turning away from each other the girls stare at me with a look that says they found their next victim.

"And why's that?" asks badass hipster.

"Because she's already in a committed relationship with me. Isn't that right babe?" Dave cat calls from his end of the table.

"Only in your dreams Strider. I ain't got time for a man asking for my hand," I fold my arms indignantly over my chest and jut my chin out slightly. Dave's ego pops like a balloon, yet his dignity keeps everyone else from seeing how bad I trumped him. What a _good_ sport.

"Heh, you've still got a lot of spunk in you since the last time we talked. The name's Vriska Serket," The badass hipster stands up and reaches across the table to shake my hand. Her haughty voice makes the statement click into place.

"Oh, you're the one with the really bad Tim Burton analogy," I respond thoughtfully. "So you finally answer my question."

"What are you talking about? That analogy was perfect," Vriska winks at me as she sits back down.

"Wait, when did you two meet?" Karkat asks in confusion. I can see the gears working over time as he tries to count up all the times I've been in the Hive and who he's certain I've met before. Vriska isn't fitting into any of the equations.

"I thought it'd be a great idea to talk to the voices in my head," I shrug. His jaw drops.

"The levels of stupidity I continue to face never ceases to amaze me."

"I do what I can Crabkat," I grin at him.

"That wasn't a compliment fuck ass," he turns red and puffs up a little. I lean forward slightly and flip him a bird. My grin only increases as he doubles the gesture. Dinner is now definitely a pleasurably memorable meal.

* * *

"Nepeta, before you get too into your project," Nepeta stops jumping around excitedly as she drags me over to her art studio. The troll that was talking to Rose stands p from the table and walks over to us. "Perhaps you should let me clean her up a bit? I can smell chlorine and blood all over her and it's very cloying."

"Oh yeah, that's a _gurreat_ idea Kanaya," Nepeta says thoughtfully, throwing in a Tony the Tiger impression. She changes course and leads me out the hall. Kanaya follows along. Several other girls chime in saying they wanted baths too. I get the sudden feeling I'm being followed.

"Oooo I wanna come too!" Dave squeals mockingly after us. Simultaneously he receives a 'Dave, _no'_ from everyone present. He laughs it off and says something to the effect of _kidding kidding, but not really_. Several death threats later he promises, on his Vampire Scout's honor, to remain in the Mess Hall until our return. I smell bullshit but there's not much I can do about it when being whisked away to take a bath in an underground spring.

With that out of the way we traverse the maze like halls to the said spring that is bigger than the first one I saw here. The illumination is a pretty blue green in the pool, while all around us is a mini galaxy. These rooms never cease to enthrall me.

We strip and get in the water. It's warm, and I feel oddly revitalized after a few minutes in it. There's nothing quite as relaxing as not being pressured by Dave and getting a spring bath.

"So Salem," The troll that be dubbed Terezi speaks up after a round of playful banter between us all. "What is your tie to Dave as his pet? Everyone Marked has one."

"I don't know, but I hope it means I get to make his life hell," I shrug indifferently. Her question can't be more obvious as to what she's trying to get at. Remember what John said reminds me that I should probably just tip toe around the entire topic of Dave when talking to her.

"Did you know that people who are Marked can be lovers?"

Oh hell no.

Oh. _Hell._ No.

Not in a million years hell no.

There's so much no that even my no says no for crying out loud!

"Not sure what there is to gain by pursuing this topic of conversation but I'm not interested in things like that," I casually deflect the question while curling up into a little ball on my rock seat and glaring at the water. God I hate when people try to drag me into a conversation about my love life. It's non-existent and I plan to keep it that way. End of story.

"What _do_ you like then?" Vriska asks this like I'm ridiculous for not being interested in pursuing romantic endeavors.

I shrug. "Being alone I guess."

"That's no way to live, sheesh," she huffs. "And that doesn't even answer my question! Don't you have hobbies, or go places, or even a job?"

She sounds like an old lady starting in on a nag session about how I'm wasting my youth. Not that I really have any defense because I am a dull person who doesn't like to go outside my house to socialize.

"I binge watch Disney movies," I respond off handedly. "And I have volunteered every now and then at the animal shelter."

"That's _sooo boring._ Do you never go out and party? Haven't you ever experienced a buzz from getting drunk off your ass? And what about boys? Haven't you ever thought about tapping some fine ass and then pursuing it? Geez, I think Dave picked up a nobody this time," She huffs out before Roxy could get out a full question about the pet shelter I volunteered at.

Blargh.

"Ding, ding, ding. We have a motherfucking winner," I mutter. It's getting uncomfortable to be here now. I suddenly remember why I don't like socializing. If I wanted to be told this shit then I would have stayed at school. Suddenly I find myself disliking Vriska _very_ much. She's reminding me of this one popular chick that has an elaborate way of insulting people not on her level.

"Hey, that's not nice of you to be insulting someone you don't know Vriskers," Nepeta jumps into the fray and defends my integrity of boring as hell even though she doesn't have too. I mean, I really am boring as hell. Also salty but that's nothing new.

"Fine. We'll just have to change that," Vriska points at me, water dripping down from her arm. A daring grin, one that says _try to fight me,_ flashes in the blueish lighting. Damn, apparently everyone likes glow in the dark fangs.

"Tonight you're coming out to party with us. You get three no's and then you have to do whatever we tell you."

"Vriska!" Several people protest at once, causing a disturbance in the pool as some of them moved around a bit. I frown heavily at her. Her challenge is irritating. And when Salem gets irritated, Salem plays the moron and butt's heads. At least so the old saying goes. Usually it's right.

"Alright. I'll do it," I reply coolly. My back straightens out of it's curled position and I continue with the heavy frowning. Everyone looks at me in surprise.

Feferi places a hand on my shoulder and says with worry, "You don't have to if you don't want to, Lemon."

"Right now I'm having a what the hell moment and am trying to fight the system," Vriska chuckles at my statement, knowing full well she's that system I'm referring to. To be honest referring to her as a system is probably too much of a royalty for her. Dammit why can't I think of less flattering things to use when I need them?

The girls around me shift uneasily. Slowly they return back to conversation and slowly ease into a seemingly unexpected party that they now find themselves attending. As they get more comfortable with the idea, the more they begin to discuss what they'll be wearing. And at one point Kanaya offered to bring something for me to wear. Seeing as I don't have party clothes then I just shrugged and said why not.

As much as I hate parties I find that this time I trapped myself into going to one anyways, so I might as well make the most of it.


	11. Clubbing Part Deux

Of course I'm always jumping back on my words and hating myself eternally for even saying them only a couple hours later. I should have definitely pressed Vriska for details before anything else. Hell maybe I should have hopped onto the _Salem Don't Do It!_ bandwagon while it was just getting started. _Something. Anything!_ But no. I have to be the idiot that butt's head's because someone is pissing me off. Funny thing how that happens a lot.

So here I am. Waiting for midnight to come faster so I can get this over with. The plan is for me to sneak out and meet the girls at the Parlor. From there they'll take me somewhere to "get down and crazy", as scary as that sounds. Kanaya had already happily offered to bring a dress for me, so I took it in stride and now I'll be going in something of hers. My fare tonight is on them, and in exchange all I have to do really is just go willingly.

Fuck this shit I seriously wish I were out.

Midnight rolls around and I tip toe out of my apartment after making sure Aunt Jojo is utterly knocked out for the night. Then I set off with the chill of February eating away at me. I feel uneasy, mostly because I've never had any cause for sneaking out and so that makes this an entirely new experience for me. Or maybe it's just because I'm a rinky dink shut in. Either explanation is plausible.

After maybe 15 minutes of pwer walking I find myself in front of my favorite snack joint. The ones meeting me here wasted no time in greeting me and then dragging me off to go party. I'm somewhat surprised that they don't look like humans while out in public. But I guess that since it's the middle of the night no one (human) is gonna be wandering around so it makes it okay.

Despite this being a somewhat forced event, the girls are able to conjure an atmosphere of enjoyment. They giggle, link arms, force me to join in with them. Normal, girly things. The dead of night just seems to add to the effect that we are doing something crazy stupid.

But when we arrive at our destination it's all killed for me in an instant.

War flashbacks of the last time Dave brought me here grow stronger by the second. The music throbs violently through every surface. The neon lights beckon sickeningly for us to go inside and be devoured by the mobs within. The explicit dance moves, the booze, and of course the heart attack inducing speed of everything in there. It's enough to send shivers down my spine. _Of course_ they come here to party.

"Sorry Salem," Jade apologizes suddenly just as she slips on a collar in record time. I'm so tempted to rip the damn thing off and fling it into some non-existential abyss but I don't. Even Dave had told me in a round about way that it's really for my protection. Instead I simply clench my fists at my side and scowl at the ground.

"Hey come on Lemon. Kanaya has our outfits inside and we can change there," Feferi launches in for the feminine assault and grabs my hand, dragging me into the dreaded building. We by pass the party animal district and head for a bathroom that is oddly sanitized for a club. Kanaya is waiting there, and she ushers us into different stalls that have dresses in bags waiting for us.

"Hurry up and put it on so I can do your hair and make up," Kanaya calls through the door. Bleh, make up. However since I only have three no's then I've gotta use them on something truly no worthy. As much as I despise cosmetics I'm just gonna have to suck it up.

I unzip the bag and pull out a poison black dress that looks a little...compromising. More so than my usual wardrobe. The top is a solid heart shaped bodice with no straps or sleeves. The bottom is carefully layered ruffles piled on each other, and they don't go down very far. It's a dress designed to catch attention.

I slip into it and fee a draft. Holy shit how is it anyone can stand these dresses? Like, it's weirdly comfortable, but simultaneously it's highly uncomfortable.

Stepping out of the stall, I'm immediately pulled to the mirror by Kanaya and she begins arranging my hair to where it's in a loose ponytail, some bangs left escaped on purpose. A black and silver flower pin is slipped in and that's taken care of. Like clockwork she whips out a few skin toned looking powders and applies them sparingly to my face. Then she gives me wings for eyelashes and black sparkly eye shadow to match. For a final touch I'm given light pink lipstick. The result is that I don't look like me.

Kanaya hands me a pair of open toed heels. I eye them and debate much it's worth declining them because I'd rather not die from tripping. At that moment Vriska walks into the bathroom. The split second decision is made when I catch her staring at me in the mirror with a smirk. I snatch the heels and shove my feet into them.

In that moment the spider hag pounces and drags me out of the bathroom. I take not that her outfit is definitely playing up to punk rocker girl; studs, leather jacket, and chains all strategically positioned to make her stand out.

"Now listen," she shouted over the music. "us girls make for a great party, but we need some guys to join us in on this action. Call up Dave and have him round up some guys to get their sorry asses over here. And tell them to dress snazzy too."

Vriska picks up the ring around my neck and practically shoves it in my face for me to get the picture.

 _Fuck noooo_.

"Are you sure you wanna be using up one of those no's right now?" She smirks at me and I scowl in response. Swiftly I remove the ring from her grubby paws and attempt my first conversation with Dave through it.

 _Dave._

No response.

 _Paging Dave Strider._

Again, empty silence. I'm beginning to feel a bit ridiculous.

 _Yo, fuck ass!_

 _ **Whattup babe? You haven't done this before. Feeling lonely and in need of your knight?**_

 _Fuck you._

 ** _Well if you insist. My place or yours?_**

 _I'd tell you to stay the hell away from me just for that comment but it will defeat the purpose of me even calling you in the first place._

 ** _Aw darn. I was so looking forward to some intimate one on one time with you. I hope soon I can crack you and make it so you stop playing hard to get._**

 _Picture me flipping the bird and there's your answer. It ain't happening. Now stop sidetracking me!_

 ** _Yes ma'am._**

 _Vriska wants you to round up some other guys from the Hive and meet us at the club. Whatever this club is called and also probably the only Monster club in Chelan that you go to anyways._

 ** _Wait. You're at a club? With Vriska? When did this happen?_**

 _Not long after midnight. Now are you coming? I've only got three no's before I'm forced to do whatever she wants._

 ** _I don't know Salem,_** he draws that out as if it's a really tough decision to make. I want him to show up now just so I can smack him upside the head for being a little shit.

I grit my teeth and suck up my pride as I realize I'm really going to have to put myself out there just to get him to make up his fucking mind. _You can see me in dress._

 ** _Done._**

 _I hate you._

 ** _Love you too babe._**

 _Stop fucking calling me that! I'm not your babe. Oh, and dress 'snazzy', whatever the hell that means._ I force myself to not snarl out loud.

 ** _You got it...babe!_**

 _Fuck off!_

I cut off communication pronto. That motherfucker. One day I am going to wring his alabaster neck. If he makes this night an even worse hell then I'm gonna just quit and go die in a hole.

"Alright, next on the list," Vriska materializes at my side yet again and she steers me towards the bar. I can see Dirk whisking around and serving up various beverages. And as if on cue he stops in front of us with the trademark Strider grin when we arrive.

"And what can I do for- _woah._ Salem, is that you?" Dirk actually removes those damn pointy ass shades and squints at me to prove how dramatic this moment obviously is for him.

"No fuck nugget. It's her equally disgruntled twin that nobody knew about," I roll my eyes in annoyance. "Yes it's me."

"Well hot damn," he whistles and slowly, _oh so fucking slowly,_ puts his glasses back on. I'm so tempted to flip him off and tell him where he can shove his stupid glasses while he's at it. But my lips remained sealed.

Vriska leans somewhat aggressively onto the counter and flashes Dirk a charming smile, making it so obvious she wants the attention on her. "Well I guess there's no need to introduce you two then. Dirk, I want my martini and something special for Salem."

"I don't drink, and I never will," I spring into action immediately and use up a precious no. "That and I'm 17, not 21."

"Laws are laws in the human world. I cant serve her any alcoholic beverages otherwise my boss would fire me. Sorry Vris," Dirk shrugs then dives under the counter for the supplies to fulfill half of Vriska's order. My shoulders notably sag in relief as I internally thank him for fudging through this with me. Although I'm not too sure how the laws of humans and Monsters actually interact with each other, I'm glad he jumped to my aid without hesitation on that.

"Man don't be so _dull_ ," Vriska turns to me with a frown. "Ya gotta have something to give you a kick or else this excursion will be pointless."

It was fucking pointless to begin with!

"Vriska," I say as politely as I can through clenched teeth. "I stand by what I said not even two minutes ago. I don't drink, and I never will."

I practically stomp my foot at the end of that statement and almost fall over. Damn heels!

"Well she can always have a Faygover," Dirk pops back up from the counter. "It'll giver her the kick without the alcohol. Hold it Vriska-!"

"We'll take it, right Salem?" Vriska cuts in and Dirk makes a strangled noise. She eyes me, daring me to use up another no. Of course I don't want the Faygover regardless of its lack of alcholic contents or not, but I'm pretty trapped now. Anything after that would put me at one no closer to doing whatever the hell she wants me too.

"Fine," I snap.

"But-," Dirk tries to speak again but Vriska speaks louder.

"You heard the woman, get her a Faygover!" Vriska snaps her fingers to signify him to get to work. Grudgingly, and I mean _grudgingly_ , he starts mixing stuff together all the while muttering something about murder under his breath. While he does this the music blares on and bridges a conversational gap between me and the spider hag.

Finally he slides forward a Martini and a shot glass of sparkling orange elixir. I eye it warily and hesitate to grab it. Yet my aggravating companion does the exact opposite and downs her drink without remorse. A glance at Dirk reveals he's trying to communicate something to me, but his lips are zippered up. Perhaps if I take mine like Vriska did hers then I can just get this over with.

So I grab the shot and swallow it away quickly. It fizzes and my mouth, throat, and stomach feel like Pop Rocks Central. I set the glass down rather harshly and cough up any remaining lungs I might possibly have left.

"Oh man Dave is gonna kill me for letting you have that," I barely hear Dirk gasp his death warrant over the sounds of mutiny and bad music. Vriska, on the other hand, seems to disagree with him.

"With any luck he'll be thanking you for making her lighten up. Besides, who doesn't love witnessing a human under the effects of a Monster drink?"

"What the hell is in that thing?" I wheeze. Tears prick at the corners of my eyes and I blink them back. I've heard all the stories about running mascara, and I sure as hell don't want to become one of them.

"Don't answer that," Vriska commands Dirk. She grabs my shoulders and wheels me around, shoving me towards the dance floor. I stumble over my own feet and then over other party goers.

"Woo! Let's get this party started!" Vriska cheers exuberantly. The people around us cheer in agreement. In response the DJ up on the stage pushes some mysterious button. Shiny orbs fall slowly down, the strobe lights catching in them and making them appear to be revolving mini discos. The crowd cheers again and begins reaching up to clap at the falling objects. I realize that they're popping bubbles. The clapping is getting more rhythmic and everyone is hopping to the beat, even Vriska.

 _They're just bubbles,_ I hazily conclude. _Everyone loves bubbles. Holy fuck_ I _love bubbles! I'm gonna pop some bubbles too! Fucking bubbles! Fuck yes!_

I reach up and clap a nearby bubble. It pops and I giggle. I pop another one and giggle again. It's a continuous process that's oddly satisfying and amusing. It's not long before I'm jumping enthusiastically with the crowd and laughing my head off. This is great! There's nothing wrong here! Was there even something wrong to begin with? I think not!

I catch Vriska's eye and she flashes me a thumb's up.

* * *

 _Dave:_

Salem willingly going to party at a club, especially at this time of night, is one of the most oddest thoughts he's ever been given the chance to entertain. She's never been the party animal type, so this has to be some sort of pressure from Vriska talking. Salem in a dress is somewhat funny to imagine. That she probably did get into without much persuasion, albeit not like a happy camper. He couldn't help but chuckle a little as he shrugs his jacket on.

Yet despite all feel goods and teasing he'd have for her when they meet up, he can't help but worry she's pushing herself out there too much.

He's experienced what happens when she's pushed too far, and his feet had suffered as a consequence.

Still, that aside, he can't quite contain his level of amusement at this predicament. He'll arrive their first, having told the others to just show up whenever since he got the feeling Vriska was putting "irons in the fire" as she calls it. Honestly, everyone couldn't care less that Vriska is demanding them to come. But a night out is usually a good one. And since Salem's gonna be there, it'll be even better.

He blinks and appears in front of the Monster Night Life club. Straightening his jacket he walks into the noise and strobing lights. First stop is to talk with Dirk and get the scope on the situation, then he'll cut loose a bit.

His brother pretty much drops everything once he is caught sight of. A variety of emotions flits over his usually cocky or neutral face. That's slightly concerning.

"Bro, I'm really sorry. Vriska trapped her into getting a Faygover," Dirk stumbles over the apology. "She snagged my control when I wasn't paying attention and made me put the suggestion out there since she wasn't going to drink."

"Wait, what? Where is she?" They both turn to the dance floor and search for the human. Dirk finds her first and points her out.

Following his finger, he sees a conflicting sight. Salem is dancing a little, but mostly enthusiastically clapping her hands with the rest of the crowd. She...she's _gorgeous_ in that dress. That Faygover induced smile lights up her face, yet it looks so wrong and out of place. It's an enamoring picture to him and he's tempted to stop time just so he can study it for awhile. He feels a twinge in his jaw and he moves it around a little to rid the feeling.

"She's only had a shot of it, but you know Faygover is strong as hell and effects humans to an extreme level," Dirk continues with the worrisome explanation. Dave absently nods and continues to track Salem's movements. The twinge grows stronger, and an impulse begins to bloom into existence, though slowly.

"Is that one of Kanaya's dresses?" He completely drives off topic with his question.

"Uh, yeah," Dirk answers in confusion. "I'm pretty sure she's around here somewhere. Gotta admit that Salem does look really good in that dress though."

"Yeah I should probably go get her," Dirk's offhand comment can be multiplied by however many people are in this club, and he doesn't like that. And to top off with the Faygover in her system, Salem can't exactly be considered herself now. So she's more susceptible to agreeing to some stranger's request. And he _really_ doesn't like that.

He taps the bar just as he leaves and casually makes an entrance onto the dance floor. He spies Vriska nearby and slightly glares at her. What is she scheming bu bringing Salem here anyways?

"Dave! What a pleasant surprise," He turns around and sees Terezi. She's wearing a white shirt that hangs off her shoulders, a black tank top underneat. Her skirt is probably supposed to be teal, her favorite color besides red, but in this lighting it looks a little more aqua.

"Hey TZ," he responds uncomfortably. He keeps making slight glances back at Salem to make sure she doesn't disappear. Bubbles float everywhere and now he can see she's actually just trying to pop those.

"Wanna dance?" _Shit._ He doesn't want to refuse and turn around just to go after another girl, but he can't just let Salem go can he? Maybe he can accept and find a way to maneuver them closer to the others so he can at least be nearby in case he needs to intervene. Yeah, that'll work.

"Sure," he smirks at her. A grin splits over her face and reveals pointy, pearly white chompers. She grabs his hand and begins to pull him around to the beat of the song. He can't find the energy to enjoy himself at the moment though, so he does the one thing he's good at and fakes it. And slowly, it gets him to his destination.

"Ey ladies," He tries to sound natural. Damn why is he having such a hard time remembering how to be cocky? "How's the party?"

"It just got better," Vriska crows with a huge grin. Salem takes notice and waves furiously at him while giggling madly. She seems very off tune in a terrifyingly happy way. Good god Faygover is a scary drink. He vows right then and there to never drink it again for himself and Salem as well.

The song changes and he no longer feels obligated to dance. Besides, Terezi never did say how many songs he had to stay for. "I'm gonna hit the bar, Salem you coming? Dirk forgot to pay you some serious compliments earlier."

 **Lies!** Vriska's voice pokes through his head. **Come on Strider, admit it. You like what you're seeing right now. You want a piece of it.**

 _Quit your scheming. I don't need help in getting what I want._

But he doesn't deny her claims. The twinge in his jaw made it feel heavy. That kind of heavy that made him want to bite something to release tension. Or bite _someone_.

"But the bubbles over here Dave!" Salem trips and catches herself by clinging to his arm. "They don't pop themselves you know!"

"There are bubbles over there," he counters, already taking the opportunity to start dragging her off the dance floor.

 **Dave, what are you doing?! Don't you like this? She's not being so dull anymore!**

 _She's never been dull to begin with, Vriska,_ he snaps. _You just haven't bothered to find out how the_ normal _way._

"Hey Dave can I get some more of that Faygoner- no Faygover? Yeah that's it! I want some more of that! Woo what a kick!" Salem hiccups and trips over her feet again. She is either a real light weight or she just can't walk in heels. Possibly both.

"I don't think so," He grips her shoulders and holds her upright. "Faygover is actually meant more for a specific kind of Monster. Everyone else drinks it because it's like a boost to a natural high. You...You are kind of scary on a natural enhanced high."

Salem catches none of that, as she gets distracted by bubbles again. Deciding that it's necessary and he can plea for forgiveness later, he stops and picks her up.

"No more distractions," he says. "You're gonna go sit down while I get you some water."

"But _Daaaavvveeee,_ " she whines. "The bubbles!"

"No but's," He changes course and goes for some private booths. Drawing one of the curtains around with one hand, he sets Salem down on a plush seat. For some reason she finds it extremely hilarious how soft it is. Sprawling herself across the seat she rubs it while laughing and hiccuping. After telling her to stay, he disappears to go get the water.

"You're not allowed to give her Faygover ever again," he hisses when he gets to the bar. His irritation is more directed at Vriska, but it escapes him and attacks Dirk instead. He runs his hand through his hair as he tells Dirk to get him some water.

"Sorry man," Dirk apologizes yet again as he hands him a bottle. "I seriously did not even mean to bring it up, but Vriska... _damn._ "

"And for that I am sorry," he apologizes, taking the bottle. With a backwards wave he stalks back to the booth. Thankfully Salem remained in it. However staying in her seat seems to be a completely different matter.

"Hey, here's some water," he grabs her hands and puts the bottle in them. She practically rips off the cap with a disturbing amount of enthusiasm and takes a long drink before setting the bottle down.

"Dave let's go back out and dance!" She tugs at his jacket excitedly.

"No."

"But _Daaaaavvvveee_!"

"I said no, now sit down. God I hope your Aunt never gets wind about this," He lightly pushes her back into her seat and sits down next to her. If her Aunt ever found out that she'd been getting drunk off of a Monster drink then that'd be the end of a lot of things.

Salem bounces around, then steals his shades.

"Look at me. I'm Dave Strider. Much cool. Such vampire," She slips the shades on and folds her arms over her chest. A grin cracks and she takes off the glasses, laughing at her failed impersonation of him.

"I do not sound like a fucking meme," he sighed. Well, he didn't sound like one _all_ the time anyways.

Suddenly Salem leans in very close.

"Dave, have I ever told you that you've got gorgeous eyes? Seriously, they're like burning coals or maybe jewels. I can't decide, but I think they're amazing!" He stares at her in shock. The sudden confession sparks the sensation that's like a blush. His breath hitches and he leans away just a little. Whatever had sudden taken control of Salem shifts and she begins to babble about something else.

She thought his eyes were...amazing?

The longer the thought runs around in his head like a hamster turning a wheel the more it breaks vital thinking functions. Dazed he can only watch her. Watch as she moves her hands around in crazy gestures. As he sees the shifting of muscles in her shoulders his jaw begins twitching uncomfortably again, a demon stirring. He can hear the pulse of blood, a symphony to his imagination.

The impulse he felt earlier deepens, and he feels hungry.

 _Shit, no! I can't._ He argues against himself. _She's not in her right mind, it's not right to just take advantage of her like that. Not anymore._

His teeth disagree with him by growing heavy as lead, protesting against his logic. His throat becomes dryer than a desert. It hits him that he hasn't fed in a long time. Slowly, almost entirely without permission, he reaches for Salem and grabs her by the shoulders.

"Woah dude what'cha need?" She isn't startled by his actions one bit. Normally she'd be fighting to get out of his control. He'd rather she do that now, but his thirst begs for her to remain still.

"Just stay still," he pants. Happily she obliges. He leans in and bites into a tender spot on her neck. Warm liquid flows into his mouth as he begins to take his fill.

Doc's medicine really does make up for how lacking her blood cells are in size and count. It's like getting a full meal rather than an appetizer that costs him a beating to get. With the Faygover in her blood system it's like receiving a buzz of pure happiness. So sweet. He tries to find that bittersweet flavor, something he's more used to finding in her, yet it's like that part of her is asleep.

In his search, though, he stumbles too far. As a vampire he could see things about a person when he fed. Something he has always been careful to avoid since after the first time he drank her blood. Something he avoided no matter the person. A memory. A fragment of one or a few at the least.

 _A cup shattering on a tiled floor, the blurred static of news, the constricting pull of a heart. Black fabric, depression, two closed caskets. A funeral._

The blood turns salty, like fresh tears.

His ears twitch as he hears a faint patter hitting his coat. Something warm rolls onto his neck and he pulls away.

She's confused, trying hard to smile as she cries. The Faygover fighting to maintain a happy performance. He reaches for her face, already staining with mascara.

"I'm happy," she whispers to herself. "There's nothing wrong because I'm happy!"

She covers her face and sobs. "So why am I crying?!"

He wraps his arms around her, shaking. He fucked up. He fucked up so bad this time. Of all the memories, fragments or not, he had to pick up one that hurt her while she was in the wrong mental state. It makes him sick.

Carefully he traces a cog on her back. "I'm so sorry Salem."

She stiffens, then goes limp. He just erased the last five minutes from her memory. It's an exhausting effort, but it needed to be done. And if anyone asks then he can just excuse her for being a light weight and crashing. It's going to smart for her in the morning though. He'll have to drop by later tomorrow and make it up to her, though she won't understand why.

He picks her up and leaves the booth. He finds Kanaya with Rose and asks them to please change her, he's going to take her home and she doesn't need to be questioned as to the foreign get up. They take her away and return with her after ten minutes. He takes her back and then leaves.

There is one thing that kept spinning through his head the rest of that night, and that was the two closed caskets he'd seen through her memory.

* * *

 _And thus the drama ensues. Next chapter is gonna be fluff and angst so brace yourselves for the storm ;3 However I'm briefly gonna go on hiatus to write up a couple more chapters, cause I'm weird and like to stay a couple chapters ahead in writing before typing them up and I fucked up somewhere along the lines of not knowing how to pace myself soooo..._

 _Also, I'm gonna try something new that I've seen work for a couple other writers. Let's play a little game shall we? The question of the chapter is: What does the Faygover represent in accordance to Homestuck? The hint (if you haven't already picked them up in the story): Caliborn thought it was entertaining to fuck shit up, while Calliope meant for it to help._

 _Place your guess in the comments and I'll message you if you're correct. The prize is a short scenario/omake theater you'd like to see happen in the story ;)_

 _Disclaimer: Don't own Homestuck._


	12. Unexpected Bond of Nap

_Okay so I got some chapters down and I should be set for a minute. Anyways, I guess I should probably reword my question from the last chapter. *ahem* The Faygover is supposed to represent what Juju that sends a person into what Mode? Hint: It was probably one of the most psychedelic panels in Homestuck and they all ended up with hangover like symptoms._

* * *

I'm never going to let Vriska goad me into going out to party _ever_ again. I can pretty much remember practically every cringe worthy moment after I drank that abomination of a drink. I was too giggly and not full enough of wrath. I mean, I was _trying to flirt with Dave_. What. In. The. Everloving. _Fuck?!_ And of all the things I went for I talked about his eyes? I mean, yeah actually they are kinda gorgeous but that's beside the point! Why me? _Why?_

Yes. I can remember something like that even through a migraine the size of China being attacked by a weed whacker, a chainsaw, and a light saber. I vow right here and now to never take a drink that will make me sound like Barbie got high ever again. I will also probably never be able to show my face around Dave, as he will no doubt use this as blackmail somehow. _Ugh_ and I just let him drink my blood like I was doing him a very enjoyable service. I'm never gonna get used to the feeling of blood being sucked out of me or the fact that I was such a ditz.

I could really use a mermaid drowning me right about now.

"Salem, are you going to get ready for school or what?" Aunt Jojo opens my door and pokes her frizzy head through it. I wince at the volume of her voice. No alcohol in that drink my ass. There had to be _some_ in it or I'm pretty sure I wouldn't be acting like some poor sap on Untold Stories of the ER!

"I've got a whopping headache, do me a favor and put me out of my misery," I mumble, burrowing under my blankets.

Aunt Jojo snickers a little. "You've been getting sick a lot girly. You gonna make it to the end of the school year?"

It's not like anyone's gonna miss me at school anyways.

Well...maybe Jade and Jake...And possibly John whenever it is the consequences of his bet with them are rescinded.

"It's Dave I'm telling you," I cough. "I think I'm allergic to him."

And his bullshit.

It's definitely his bullshit I'm allergic to.

"That's what your mother _always_ said about your father," I peek out of my blankets a little and see Aunt Jojo entering the room some more. She eases herself onto the bed and pats a random lump of me.

"My sister was truly a fiery woman, and as much as your father brought that out in her, he seemed to be the only one who also knew how to hold her back when she was about to go bloody someone up," She chuckles lightly. "The way you and Dave are acting now I seriously cannot help but see Sally and Niall when I look at you guys. I see so much of your mother in you that it's almost a little scary. Although I have to admit you learned the sarcasm from your father."

She's lets that hang for a bit and I wait a little in anticipation for her to continue. It's so nice hearing her talk about Mom and Dad, even if she is bringing Dave into the comparisons as well.

Quietly she says, "I think it's a good thing you and Dave found each other. And I know that right now you're definitely not used to the kind of attention he gives you-"

Boy does she have that right.

"-But you of all the people I know deserve someone to love the most"

My blankets suddenly becomes a sauna that I have unwittingly trapped myself in. I'm so very close to to denying our relationship status as a couple right then and there and spilling the beans on his vampireness, but I'm just so tongue tied right now! Aunt Jojo is taking the sentimentality a little too far.

She slaps her knees and stiffly gets up. "Well, get better soon Lemon. It's just no fun when someone you love is sick."

* * *

I jerk awake and fall off the couch when someone practically pounds the door down. Groaning, I pick myself up and rub my head. The credits to 'Treasure Planet' play on the softest volume I could stand at the time. Damn, I think I slept through most of the movie.

The knocking sounds again, but suddenly stops. What the hell?

"Good morning my sleeping beauty," Dave materializes leaning over my couch to look at me still on the floor. "Why hast thou not answered my summons when I came a knocking?"

"You answered your question before you even asked it you moron," I groan again and heave myself back onto the couch. My head has yet to cease pounding while in my waking moments. Why is it whenever parties and Dave collide I usually end up with headaches?

"Aw, is you a wittle tired?" he teases, casually brushing his _cold ass hands_ over my forehead.

"Is you about to get smacked for talking to me like that?" I retort. He laughs and hops over the couch and lands with a light thump. I sigh and lean my head back against the arm of the couch, stretching my legs over him. He's in the way I might as well make use of him if he's just gonna go and make himself at home.

The silence carries on and I'm ready to fall asleep again when he asks, "How are you feeling, seriously?"

"Dave don't go shedding any tears for lil' ol' me now. I'm only mostly acting like I'm dying," I push against him with my feet, daring him to attack. His tone kinda has me worried. He doesn't take the bait like I was thinking he would (which actually kinda saves me from being tickled, phew!). Instead he lightly traces patterns on them. I decide it's time to take a peek and see what on earth is wrong with the guy that always has a comeback.

He's frowning with such intensity that's it's actually causing my concern to _grow._ For once, though, I can tell he isn't looking at me. His chi is dipped slightly lower than if it were upright, and the way his eyebrows are knit together tells me he's thinking rather than paying attention to his surroundings. He's just acting so damn odd right now. Was it because of that thing I said last night about his eyes?

Racking my sorry brain yields nadda. Something hazy clings to the edge of my thoughts though, but it's like trying to grasp at mist if I wanna view it or something.

"Yoohoo, Earth to Dave Strider come in," I wave my hand, pretending I have the energy to get up and shove it in his face. I only get so far as a slight push before I'm flopping pathetically back again. "Come in Dave Strider!"

"Yes dear?" He looks up, turning that frown upside down and trying real hard to make believe he hasn't just been zoning out.

"Oh good you're still functioning," I sigh in mock relief. "I can't have a broken vampire. I paid _ten_ potatoes for you."

"I'm only worth ten potatoes?"

"Bitch that's pretty high according to my standards, you should feel like fucking royalty," I snicker tiredly, stifling a yawn in the process. Ah damn. I feel like even alking for a few minutes longer is gonna put me to sleep.

"When's your Aunt coming home?" he asks, suddenly running a red light in traffic and making it to a whole new street.

"What time is it?"

"Almost 5:30."

"In which case, soon," I can't stifle the yawn this time. Shifting around a bit I tuck the blanket I've been using around me better and struggle to keep my eyes open. Dave's got no problem in helping with that.

He stands up and my feet fall unmajestically to the ground. His grin is spelling trouble, and the words coming out of his mouth are only enhancing it.

"I'm gonna make you dinner!"

Suspicious. _Very_ suspicious.

"Unsupervised? Sounds dangerous. You'll probably slip poison into my food only to find out it turns me into a llama," I say guardedly, throwing in a Disney reference cause why the hell not?

It's amazing how much a grin can grow even when I thought it couldn't grow anymore. It's also kind of scary just because it means he's got a plan that's going to be put into action. Unfortunately I'm so tired that all I can do is verbally protest so I guess I'll just leave myself to my doom.

He shuffles closer and pulls me up. And by up I mean he _pulls_ me up and catches me so he's carrying me. Panicking, my automatic response is to wrap myself around him so I don't fall. He chuckles and says, "Well if you're so worried about supervision then I guess you'll just have to come and observe my mad skills. Also, how's the view from up here, Shorty?"

"Fuck off!" I squeak. His arms wrap around and holds me tightly so I don't fall. I'm still not gonna let go of my near death grip on him just because _holy fuck what the hell is he doing?!_

"Put me down!"

"Nah," He begins moving towards the kitchen. One hand releases my to perform the task of gathering ingredients and cook ware. "I think I like having you cling to me like this."

"Wipe that smug look off your face this instant! And put me down!" I hiss even though I have yet to turn and see said smugness on his face. But knowing him I don't have to. He laughs and continues with his project.

Dave's acting so fucking _weird_. I really do not get it. Something's gotten into him, and it's making him be creepily nice. If anyone's been possessed it's gotta be him.

The door creaks open after the sounds of unlocking occur and my Aunt shuffles in.

Oh no.

Oh _shit._

Fuck she's gonna see me like this with Dave and she's going to have a total girl moment and be all like _oh you are just the cutest couple ever!_ or some gag worthy thing like that. It's enough to provoke cringing, blushing hard, and hiding my face on Dave's shoulder all in one fell swoop.

"Now this is something I can definitely get used to," he whispers silkily in my ear. I can just picture that cheeky grin of his and it pisses me off!

"Fuck! You!" I mumble through his shoulder.

"Salem I'm ho- _oh. Ooohhh,_ " And there's Aunt Jojo. Kill me now.

"Hey Miss P," Dave calls in a near jovial tone. If I'm dying though he's gonna come with me. And I will make his playground become my torture field.

There's no response from Aunt Jojo and I look up warily to see that she's disappeared. A few seconds later though she comes back armed with a camera.

"Say cheese!" She hits the button without delay and takes a picture.

"Put that camera back where it came from or so help me!" I cry, struggling to get down and get it away from her as she continuously takes pictures. "Dave for the love of god put me down!"

"Hey can you send one of those to me?" Dave turns around slightly to make semi-eyecontact with Aunt Jojo. Fucking bastard I should have known he would never take my side on this! Aunt Jojo makes a giggly reply about how she can send him all the photos he wanted. Why infact, she can just show him all these scrapbooks she happens to have on hand right now if he wants.

" _Fuck nooooo,"_ This is it. The end. Who knew my death was going to be so cruel? Death by embarrassment because I don't want a fucking vampire to see some baby pictures. Oh woe is me!

"I'll be more than happy to accept that offer when I'm done cooking," Dave laughs. He sounds so at ease with it. I groan. Doomed I say!

Aunt Jojo mosies over, snapping a few more pictures with a smug grin. I go back to hiding behind Dave's shoulders. "Well what's on the menu tonight? It smells pretty good."

Now that she mentions it, it does smell pretty good. A slightly salty aroma with chicken interwoven with it. Like a broth or something.

"Old style chicken noodle soup made mostly from scratch," Dave answers proudly. I get the feeling this is the only thing he knows how to make besides toast.

"Well I'll just set the table and take a few more pictures then," Aunt Jojo says merrily and no doubt takes more pictures to prove her point.

* * *

Dave and Jojo burst into another round of incurable laughter and by now I'm practically dead of heat stroke because it's so _fucking_ hot in here. Hell's Sauna of Embarrassment, an all paid expense curtious of my Aunt's needs to show my life to Dave and tell him every little backstory he could ever ask for to go with it.

Hell.

While yes admittedly Aunt Jojo can tell a scarily good and accurate story that's highly entertaining, I'm just not sure how comfortable I am with my loss of privacy.

"So you mean to tell me that she," Dave dramatically gestures to me and cracks up. "wasn't always so cynical and sarcastic?"

"Damn, looks like my secret is out. How on earth did you even find out?" I sigh somewhere between mock annoyance and actual annoyance.

"Yes, she was quite the adventurer all on her own. She wouldn't come home for hours at a time and then when she did she'd be absolutely filthy from head to toes! I don't think we ever actually got a full explanation out of her as to what she did," Jojo winks at me. Only once did the whole truth come out of me about what it was I would do, and that was just because Mom wouldn't let me go until I did. And after that I never would explain it again.

Dave flips the page and that's when it gets really quiet. The jovial atmosphere dissipates and I look away, having no desire to stare at a picture that I've memorized every depressing detail of.

A man in his late 20's with a military styled haircut, smart grey eyes, and a heart warming smile; his arms wrapped around a dark haired beauty who I earned most of my looks from. Their dates of birth to the dates of death. The words "In Loving Memory". All of it.

I can't stand it.

"If...If you don't mind my asking, how...?" Dave doesn't seem to have the heart to finish his question. I don't have the heart to answer it. It's left up to Jojo to pick up the slack.

"They were in San Francisco with my fiancee, Niall's brother, attending a convention. I was here, watching Salem, who was seven at the time," She sighs wearily and begins to tell the disheartening memory. "They were caught on the Golden Gate when it happened."

The Golden Gate Tragedy. The official start to the Monster Uprisings. What really happened still can't even be figured out, not even with all the footage that caught it. We just know that a weird title wave at the edge of the bay appeared and shot a beam at the bridge. The blast destroyed most of it, and even affected people about a mile inland all around the bay. So many died that day, my parents and uncle not being any exception.

A rise of confliction bubbles to the surface, that feeling of a faint memory returning. Disgustingly happy feelings fight against pain, shock, and grief. It tears at me on the inside, raking sharp claws along my chest trying to escape. My heart is in agony; it's heavy as a rock, yet floating on helium. Utter chaos.

"Salem? I'm sorry I shouldn't have asked!" Dave's panicking voice pulls me out of it. I look at him and see he's halfway out of his seat.

I'm suddenly away of the cause of his reaction. Slowly I reach up and touch wet cheeks. I wipe at my eyes furiously, but it just makes more tears come out. I stand up and walk quickly to the bathroom.

"I-I'm fine I swear," My voice cracks and even I have a hard time believing myself. I have to get out of here and get a hold of myself. It's been ten years for hell's sakes, I've moved on already!

I've moved on...

* * *

 _Dave:_

He slumps back into his seat and rubs his face with a sigh. He went and did it again. He made her cry. What a freaking idiot! He should have just kept his mouth shut and moved on.

But the fragments were bothering him. And when he saw the obituary he couldn't stop the words from coming out of his mouth. And now with that story put into place, it's easier to know what they all meant.

And he feels _horrible_ because of it. Last night, today, he fucked it all up in one fell swoop of immaculate Dave Strider stupidity. Something it seems he's always good at doing recently.

"Sally always did say that girl was too stubborn to admit she needs or wants help from somebody," Ms. Princeton murmurs softly. "So much like her mother, that girl."

"I'm really sorry, I should have just kept my mouth shut," he apologizes lamely again. A tender hand reaches over and pats his shoulder.

"You asked a question that resulted in a harsh truth, it's nothing you need to apologize for. My sister and her husband wouldn't be having any of this attitude if they were here. They just weren't those kind of people."

He stops to think for a minute as he realizes he's been addressing Ms. Princeton- er Jojo- wrong all along. If she's Salem's mom's sister then that doesn't make her a Princeton at all. And she never would have become one because her fiancee... _Agh_ that's yet another idiotic thing he's screwed up on with his assumptions and shit it seems.

Jojo moves to flip the page of the scrap book so that it's no longer on the morbid photo of a non-morbid couple. The label above the picture says _1 month later_ in a messy slanted scrawl.

"I started taking pictures again to distract and escape the pain," A small sad sigh escapes from her. "We both lost so much of our world, and I thought I would never see myself or niece happy again. I never thought I'd see that cute little smile of hers for the longest time.

"Salem has almost always been a bullied victim because of how she saw the world. Did you know that when she was a kid, a five year old no less, she wanted to be either a Monster's Rights Activist, or even a medic for Monsters? It always caused her to stick out like a sore thumb. And after Sally and Niall passed away, her main defense, well...all her dreams were slapped back at her and...I couldn't help..."

He stares at the picture of the sullen seven year old. Any trace of pure child innocence is gone and replaced with the scary thing known as reality. She looked so time worn for her age.

He pitied her.

But he also reveled in wonder at her. She is a lot stronger than he has originally given her credit for. Even he couldn't have made it so far alone. His brother had been the only thing that kept him going when...

He shakes his head and clears his thoughts. _You're not going there,_ he commands himself. _It's not your pity party._

"How can I make it up to her?" he asks, daring to make eye contact with the silent woman. "For screwing up today, I mean."

And last night.

"Hun, you've gotta learn you're not doing anything wrong until you start purposefully hurting her," Jojo chuckles lightly, quietly. "But if you're so insistent then go over there and pick a movie. Preferably a Disney one, since she's addicted to them and all."

She points to a movie shelf. Slowly he stands up and walks over to view a rather impressive combined collection of Disney and romcoms. He isn't sure how watching movie will fix anything, but if Jojo says it'll work then...

He grabs a random one and pops it into the dvd player.

* * *

I rinse cold water over my face, doing that weird sniffle-shudder thing in the process. I fucking hate crying. Crying when I'm sick is even worse because then everything just gets gross.

Grabbing a towel I dry off my face. My eyes are puffy and red, and my nose is already dressed up for the wrong holiday with it's Rudolph impersonation. Ugh I'm a mess.

I hope Dave isn't beating himself up because I can't control freaky weird hormones. That'd be somewhat depressing if he were. I mean, it's not like it's any of his fault for asking a question that was bound to get asked, if not by him then someone else. People have been trying to take an interest in my personal life as of late after all.

Sighing, I turn and open the door, throwing the towel back onto the counter and shutting off the light. I walk right into Dave as I leave. We stand there in awkward silence, both of us clearly wanting to say something but not unless the other speaks first.

"Um, your Aunt suggested I put on a movie. Hope you don't mind 'Aladdin'," he blurts. I cock an eyebrow, slightly worried with his apologetic mannerisms and nervous tone.

"Dave, stop apologizing," I say immediately. "You're kinda freaking me out by not a little shit right now. I just had an unexpected feels attack so just...don't."

"But-"

"No, zip it," I shush him and make a move to dart around him. "It's not like you intended for that reaction, right?"

He grabs my wrist and pulls me back. I fall into him and he traps me in a hug. Startled, I squirm around a lot. That Dave-a-phobic feeling creeps up on me.

"I'm still sorry okay?" he mumbles.

Holy fuck. He's...He's acting like he did that night he took me to the lake. That's how badly he's taking this. He's overthinking again, and blaming himself. I don't want him to go back through some sort of thought cycle that depresses him, not on _my_ account!

"Dave, stop overthinking it," I command. "Say it with me: It's not my fault that Salem has personal issues."

"But-!"

"Dave! I'm fine now please just drop it. Don't bother yourself with lil' ol' me, okay?" I hesitate briefly before wrapping my arms around him too.

It's different from hugging my Aunt. Awkward? Certainly. Is it something I don't do often enough? Yeah. But does it feel wrong? Surprisingly...no.

I get this feeling that it's the right thing to do to help him. And I'm sure that as odd as it is for me the same is for him, but that he appreciates the gesture in some abysmal place that he keeps his heart.

However I'm only a touchy-feely person for so long, and this little session's gotta end.

I pull away and clear my throat. "So you said something about Aladdin?"

* * *

 _I can show you the world~_

 _Shining, shimmering, splendid~_

 _Tell me princess when did you last let your heart decide?~_

I laugh sleepily. A great surprise had come my way when I found out that Dave is actually just as big of a nerd as I am and willingly sings along with Disney songs like they're national anthems or some shit. It turns the movie into an improvised karaoke game with possibly improvised lyrics to fit Dave's crude sense of humor. And also, Dave's not that bad at singing.

But the problem is that I'm running low on stamina. If there was a battery signal on me it would be beeping and red and telling me to charge myself or get knocked out. Already I've caught head drooping towards my chest more than once. And try as I might my eyes are going on a wildcat strike and trying to shut.

Dave continues singing and I lazily hum along while curling up next to him. Slowly I slip off and dream of trying to show a little boy a whole new world.

* * *

 _Dave:_

He feels something hit his shoulder and he looks over to see Salem leaning her head on him. He pokes her cheek but she doesn't respond. She's definitely asleep.

She's actually cute in her curled up, docile, not biting his head off state. It's also a miracle. The level of trust has to be at an all time high if she's falling asleep like this with him around. Either that or else it's the Faygover sickness talking. He goes with the first option just because it is a more fun thought to entertain.

He's not entirely certain of how comfortable it is to be sleeping like that though, so he carefully moves around until he's laying down with her. He scoots over so she's laying in a small pocket between him and the couch. His shoulder became her improvised pillow. He's rather pleased he managed all this without waking her up.

He pulls out his phone and holds it up after a moment of contemplating what to do next. What Salem doesn't know won't get him killed. Selecting the camera icon, he angles it to where it's just right and can capture them both in the frame. The special lens allows for his reflection to appear immediately and without any kind of delay so he can know if something is wrong with how it looks.

He clicks another button and snaps a picture. The first thing he can consider acknowledging something greater is happening between the two of them, and also potentially dangerous evidence, is now saved to his phone.

He sighs and puts his phone up. He doesn't really feel like continuing to watch Aladdin anymore. It's not nearly as fun as when Salem is awake. But that leaves him with nothing to do and also trapped because he decided to let her use him as a pillow. Not that he particularly minded at this point.

 _The Brilliant Dave Strider strikes again,_ he thinks to himself. _Well...I guess I can sleep too..._

Even though he doesn't need it.

 _Still...Aw what the hell I've got nothing better to do right now anyways._ He takes off his shades and sets them down on the coffee table nearby. Closing his eyes he lets himself relax and enjoy the warmth of someone next to him.

* * *

 _Aunt Jojo:_

She decides to emerge from her room to take a peek at the young couple and see how they are doing, maybe even sneak in a few snapshots to capture as well. That and it has gotten suspiciously quiet and she may or may not be hoping to catch them in the act of making out.

It makes her giggle to see that Salem has finally found someone who could keep up with her as well as no doubt relate to her. Dave also presented her niece with a challenge that makes her struggle in different ways, which makes her grow without realizing it. It made him the perfect match for Salem, in her opinion.

Indefinitely their start had been rocky, and she knew their differences had totally put a strain on their relationship, which almost resulted in a break up not even two week afterwards. But after his sincere apology the shift occurred in both of them. She can only assume that at some point they had talked further about the matter and came to an agreement. It has loosened them both up quite nicely.

She tiptoes into the living room, careful to make herself as scarce as possible. They aren't visible on the couch so she moves around wondering what she might see.

And bless her soul she finds something extremely adorable.

"This one is going in the book!" She whispers happily to herself. She snaps a photo of her niece asleep on the couch with Dave. Salem, ever the enthusiast of personal space, looks very comfortable snuggled up close to the pale young man.

She turns to leave, whilst examining her loot, but halts in the process of the great get away. Something's wrong with the picture.

Dave's not in it at all.

She shakes her head and deletes the photo. This is an old camera, perhaps it's just finally giving up the ghost or something to that effect. She returns to her spot and takes another picture. The same thing happens again.

"Drat, and they're just so cute too," she mutters as she tries in vain a couple more times. The result is a nill Dave in all of them. Which is weird that the camera isn't finding him, yet Salem is showing up just fine. And they're both _right_ there.

She goes and deletes all the pictures again, except for the second one she took. For there in the picture is Dave. Less and less is she beginning to suspect that this is the camera's fault. A faint rumor comes to mind that she had once heard while at work.

 _They say that because taking a picture is like using a mirror, certain Monsters don't show up._

Yep, that's what her co-worker said. But she can't just go and accuse anyone or anything based off of an old camera and rumors. That'd be incredibly rude and stupid.

Yet it honestly would not surprise her if it does turn out that Salem is dating someone who were, say, to be a vampire perhaps. The child has been a strange one since birth after all. Still, the only way to find out would be a little research on this rumor and then to ask Salem herself.

She turns around and pads away into her room, engrossed in the endless possibilities.

* * *

 _And thus the plot thickens! I told ya this would be fluffy and angsty. Feeling pretty good cause the plot's gonna be picking up soon :3_


	13. Light on a Dark Subject

_Dualscar:_

The mirror glows and he waits for Her Majesty to pick up the other line. During the time since he had last contacted her he had done what limited research he could by stealing school records on the human known as Salem Princeton. Now he's prepared to share them with the Queen and perhaps give him better information in exchange by using the powers of a certain prisoner. But that can only happen if she'll answer the _damn line!_

His tolerance and patience has run extremely thin throughout the day. God humans are so irritatingly stupid. Their offspring are even worse! Yet again he had to sub for the rotten beasts when he would have much rather have sat around her and sulked about the terrible location he had been positioned in.

The image in the mirror flickers and the Queen appears looking just as irritated as he feels and possibly more disheveled.

"What is it Dualscar?" she snaps. "This had better be important and whatever you have to say better be good or _I swear..._ "

He resists the urge to snarl at her for snapping at him when he's only doing what _she_ had told him to do.

"I've gathered information on that human pet," he says through clenched teeth.

" ** _Don't_** you get irritated with me," The Queen growls, leaning closer towards the mirror in an imposing way. "Not unless you are the one dealing with Peace Insurrections in the Monster community and attempted jail breaks all in the same day."

"Jail breaks?" he asks, leaping eagerly onto a change of topic he is literally more than happy to entertain over talking about a puny human. "Who's attempted it this time?"

"Oh you know who. She's the only one who even bothers anymore. She even tried to free the Helmsman again, the stupid woman," Her Highness rubs her temples with a sigh, leaning away from the mirror.

"Why not simply put her down like the animal she is?" he suggests. Of course he's suggested this on numerous occasions, but he never got the response he wanted. He holds great contempt for most of the Queen's prisoner's, especially the cat woman.

"You know the answer to that too, Dualscar. She's a pawn that can be held against and used against the enemy. Her powers of the Heart have been useful as well," The Queen studies him through narrowed eyes. He hates the way she's looking at him, like _he's_ the stupid animal. "So what is it that you have to say about this human?"

He quickly reviews all the important things, tossing out a couple other facts before he speaks. "She's about 8 sweeps old and goes by the name of Salem Princeton. If we were to make her disappear the only one that would even remotely care amongst the humans would be her lusus, a woman by the name of Jojo Lewis. It seems though that the vampire has currently dispatched bodyguards around his pet, so it's safe to conclude she actually does contain some level of importance to him. Perhaps it's because she's a weakling through medical default."

That last bit is thrown in more as speculation. Since that brat had alluded that something was wrong with her then he had made sure to find out what. Personally he finds it a suitably reasonable explanation for her weaknesses in general.

"And what does that mean?"

"The human has sickle cell anemia, it causes her to constantly have low blood count with malformed cells, as well as a lack of hemoglobin," And unfortunate curse to have on one's already low blood, but he only expects as much from the species.

"Ha!" The Queen laughs suddenly. "You're telling me that one of the Strider's marked a human with a condition like that? Now _that's_ irony. What even attracted him to the blood anyways?"

"It's Type O," The Queen leans forward again, a hungry gleam now in her eyes. Feasting on blood isn't just a vampire thing after all. Any carnivorous Monster in their right mind knows a good mean when they use any of their senses to find it.

"Oh? Then he must be taking _very_ special care of it," She goes silent for a minute. Thinking. Plotting. Scheming.

Suddenly, "Dualscar, I have something I need to see to. Start following the human around and see if anything useful comes of it."

An earsplitting yowl breaks through the transmission and the Queen turns sharply to stare at something beyond his sight. A feral grin scrawls over her grey features, pointy teeth glinting in rusty light. She's contacting him from that room?

Another screech pierces the air and he gnashes his teeth together. While that woman deserves whatever torture she is receiving, he thinks her screams are going to make his ears bleed.

"Make that two things I have to take care of," Her Highness whispers, pushing a button and cutting off communication with him.

* * *

 _The Condescension:_

"Now, now little Disciple. Be a good kitty and get back in your cage where you belong," She chuckles darkly at the limp she troll being dragged away by two drones. A trail of olivine blood streaks along after her.

Oh if only the cat could learn to not play with fire then she wouldn't have to get burned as punishment. It's not like ever asks much of the Disciple. All she wants is for her to look into the enemies hearts and show her what will break them.

She turns and stalks away, heels clacking against the metal floor of her ship. Now to take care of the other business. As much as she despises who her next visit to is, it has to be done if she wants her curiosity sated. After all, the Doc is the only one who would know exactly how to make a vampire's meal more edible.

She stops at the Sendificator, a larger version meant for transporting people and the like instead of just small objects. Punching in a code, she steps inside the red machine and disappears, only to reappear in a sterile white room with a single chair meant just for her. She takes a seat in it and lazes about while she waits for the pin head's arrival. No doubt the bulbous gollum will make her wait on purpose.

She has just begun to tap out an impatient with her foot when the green suited thing shows up, apologizing for his tardiness yet not really sounding sorry at all.

 _ **And how may I help you today, your Majesty?**_

"I need access to files on a human you treated recently," She demands, not bothering to beat around the bush of formalities. She also knew that since this is a Monster clinic, then there can only have been one human he's treated recently anyways, so he cannot deny anything.

 ** _I can't do that I'm afraid. The whole patient confidentiality thing, I'm sure you understand._**

Her eyes narrow, a frown tugging the corners of her mouth down. Of course he won't comply that easily. Even amongst loyal subordinates and the insurrections, Doc Scratch is the one she simply cannot make to submit to her will. He picks no side, helping both to certain extents, and making himself one of both parties and a dangerous variable.

"I just need to know what you gave her to fix the blood deficiency," She says, trying to keep the irritation out of her voice. The Doc doesn't like when people get snippy with him, and it makes him utterly unbearable to deal with.

 ** _And why would you need that?_**

"Curiosity," she answers stiffly. What vampire in their right mind would keep a pet that can't satisfy their thirst anyways, regardless of the blood type? Screw the Mark, if it were _her_ pet then it wouldn't have stopped her from killing the impudent human and draining it of all it's blood.

 ** _Well I suppose then that this makes your question a harmless one. I gave her the green pills of course._**

She snarls at him. _That bastard!_ How dare he mock her.

 ** _Dear lady, please don't get upset with me. I told you about the patient confidentiality, did I not?_**

"Don't test my patience today cue ball," she spits, standing up to her full height. The Doc is significantly shorter than her, yet it doesn't intimidate him in the slightest.

 ** _Ask a better question then. I know you have one._**

Ugh. There he goes again with his games. It's how he seems to maintain his balance as a neutral party. She hates it, but recognizes that it does have it's merits. Grudgingly though she thinks about it.

What else has bothered her about the human? What has Dualscar failed to tell her that has been constantly on her mind?

Slowly it dawns on her, and warily she asks, "Who is the human's Master?"

She knows it's a Strider, but which one? The Prince or the Knight? If it's the Prince then getting at him through the Pet will be difficult, as he is not nearly as easily swayed. If it's the Knight...Well, she knows a few things about him to say the least.

 ** _The Knight of Time, of course._**

She smirks. This only makes her schemes easier than slicing a piece of cake.

* * *

 _Comments? Thoughts? What have you? I really am interested to hear what's going on when you guys read this. It makes it more fun to know how the coming chapters might possibly impact you guys._

 _Disclaimer: Homestuck does not = mine._


	14. Fishdan Goes to School

_Oh dear I've just so much to discuss at the moment that I can't even. Alright I'll split this up into pressing matters up here and headcanons at the bottom. 1. Wow Homestuck is over. 2. I've been getting really freaking busy and I've been pressed for time to even update, the same thing's gonna be for next week too. 3. To the reviewer Veratis, you've got it! Faygover is supposed to represent Trickster mode! I've decided however that the short story is going be put into another fic that'll contain a bunch of other different short stories because at the rate that my story is going right now I'm not going to be able to fit it in without ruining any seriousness I've built up. But you can still send in an idea ;) 4. Now onto the story!_

* * *

Tensions are running high in P.E. It seems that Sergeant wants to be more of an asshole towards me than usual, and he makes the bullying a lot more frequent and apparent. Before the period is even half over I'm covered in scrapes and bruises from tripping.

"I'm feeling an awful lot like breaking a couple laws right now," I growl under my breath, wiping my cheek. Jake helps me up off the ground and takes me over to the wall so I can stop feeling like I'm being stabbed repeatedly by needles.

"Chin up," Jake tries to encourage. "With any luck the official teacher will come back soon and this rubbish will be a thing of the past."

I chuckle a little at his phrasing. 'This rubbish'. Ha! That's really putting it nicely to say the least.

I lean against the wall and let out a pretty shaky sigh. Jake joins me and we people watch the other students dying under Sergeant's pressure to do this unreasonable obstacle course he made himself. The big guy is watching everyone else as well with absolutely no sympathy whatsoever.

"Have you figured out who he is yet?" I ask. Jake shakes his head and sighs in frustration.

"No. But I feel really close though."

"Well definitely let me know when you do. I get the feeling that his real name will be really good leverage," Whatever his motives may be then I'm sure we can dissuade him if we know his name.

"Princeton, English! Stop yer gossipin' and get back to the course. Or do ya want detention?" We jump as Sergeant yells at us from across the gym. Lazily, pretty much on purpose, we take our sweet time getting back onto the course. As I pass him by, his foot flies out and trips me.

* * *

"I swear that teacher acts like a child," Jade mutters as she sticks another bandaid on me. I wince a little. I have a split lip now and ended up with a new batch of road rash after the period had ended. Thankfully this class is my most laid back one and we hardly ever do anything. Bless Study Hall. Probably one of my most favorite boring classes ever.

"Yeah well at least he didn't hand out detention this time," Jade slaps another bandaid on and I yelp. The teacher looks up from his computer and I wave him off, fighting off tears.

"Why does he keep picking on you? This is totally uncalled for," Jade stops putting bandaids on me and I sigh in relief. "If he keeps it up, Dave's gonna have a come apart."

This strikes me as an odd and not really Dave like thing. "Why?"

Jade frowns. "Because Dave cares about his friends a lot, and he doesn't like seeing them hurt."

Dave? My _friend?_

What a mad world we live in. Still...he had been really keen to make it up to me last night. Though the falling asleep with me part had been unexpected and unnecessary.

The door to the classroom opens and the _beloved_ principle holds it open. A tan kid wearing such fashionable hipster type clothing stalks into the room. If it weren't for the violet streak in his hair I doubt I would have recognized the puffer fish dude.

"What's Fishdan doing here?" I whisper to Jade. She stiffens up, dragging her nails along the desk slowly. Obviously she had not been expecting this to happen.

"Students, this is Eridan Ampora, a transfer student from Britain," The principle begins his introduction rather excitedly. I guess it's understandable considering the lack of activity that barely happens at Chelan High.

"He'll be here for the remainder of the year, so try to make friends with him," The principle jovially claps Fishdan on the shoulder and the boy twitches slightly. After that the principle takes his leave. The teacher stands and gestures grandly at the meager class and tells him to take a seat.

Hesitantly Fishdan looks around, briefly making eye contact with me before moving to sit in an empty seat not that far ahead of us. Jade glares at the back of his head as he sits down.

"Eridan!" she hisses. He pays her no heed. Instead he engages in conversation with a girl who had walked up to him.

A growl escapes from her and she promptly turns back to me. "He shouldn't be here. He never even told anyone about this! Watch out because he could have ulterior motives."

"Sounds...extreme," I say totally unconvinced. Fishdan doesn't really strike me as a guy with ulterior motives, at least fully planned out ones anyways. That and he seems really awkward and nervous right now. He's just so stiff.

After the girl leaves giggling he fidgets around before standing up and moving back to sit with us. He left his stuff in the other seat though.

Jade strikes like lightning. "What are you doing here?!"

"You're not the only ones who get to leave the Hive and do things you know," he whispers defensively.

Casually he glances over at me and says, "Hello Salem."

Jade looks between him and me ranging in emotions of confusion to utter horror. " _No. No!_ Eridan don't even!"

"What?" he asks this with the tone of a guy under pressure to not spill any beans. His cheeks flush, an almost violet-ish tinge to them.

"You are not going to do anything related to the quadrants! None! Zilch! Especially with her," Jade grabs the edge of her desk and I notice black veins pulsing in her hands. I quickly grab one of them and bring this fact to her attention.

"Calm it Harley, please!" I whisper. Carefully I look around and make sure no one is paying attention to us. Being a Wolfblood gives her the power to transform into a wolf at will, even when there's no full moon. If she wolfs out in a classroom full of humans that will panic at a butterfly in front of their face then a lot of bad shit's gonna go down.

She takes a couple of steadying breaths and the black veins fade away. Relaxing, she drops the matter by saying, "Just don't do anything stupid."

* * *

Jade disappears to attend to a class related thing, promising she'll be back as soon as possible. Jake has yet to appear, but at least I know that if I don't find him now he'll be at the anonymous staircase. That just leaves me to get my lunch alone. Feels kinda weird now.

Weird how I've gotten so used to hanging out with someone in such a short time. I'm not quite sure how to handle myself now that I'm by myself. Do I go crazy? Do I sing some sad solo as if I were in a musical? Do I maybe just go get lunch? The possibilities are endless!

I get into line and sorta space out.

A lot has changed within the past couple of weeks. Soon it'll be a new month and I'll probably wonder what happened to the last ten years of my life. Heck I'm wondering where they've gone now. There's such a difference between myself from then to now. I mean, I'm still me, but also not. It's a weird concept to entertain.

"Ahem," I look over my shoulder, the strange self synopsis retreating away into some crevice of my mind that I'm not gonna remember until later. Gracing me with his presence yet again is Fishdan.

"Hey," I greet. He shifts around uncomfortably just a bit. He looks kind of out of place with his neat and tidy clothes. The dingy walls of my school clash with the rich clean look he has. Anxiously he keeps pushing his bulky frames up his nose, looking everywhere but at me.

"How's your day been?" I ask cautiously, trying to not laugh. I mean, it's normal to be nervous in a new environment, I don't blame him for that. But it's just kinda comical to see someone who actually looks like he could mean business be at a complete and utter loss in his surroundings.

"It's...okay..," That's basically the same as no comment.

"Well, okay is better than shitty," I shrug and roll with it. The awkward silence envelopes us. I don't know much about Eridan to start up a conversation besides ' _so about that puffer fish face_ '. I don't think now's quite the time to bring that back up.

"I just...," Ooh so the fish _does_ have something to say. "I guess I don't know what I'm doing here, nevermind forget I said anything."

He moves to get out of line. Not on my watch! I grab his wrist and pull him back into place. His cheeks flare up in that interesting near violet shade again. I cock and eyebrow and give him a small smile.

"If you don't know it never hurts to ask someone."

"I-I, uhm, ah," he stutters and then blurts out his question really quickly. " _You're very beautiful will you go out with me cod dammit no I'm sorry please ignore that!"_

I squint and hold up a finger as I struggle to form some sort of comprehensible sentence. "Ha...hmm, uh yeah I'm just kinda gonna pretend you didn't just ask me out and then take it back all in one breath."

"Oh cod I'm so sorry," Fishdan rubs his face with his free hand, voice getting muffled in the process. "I know you said you weren't really interested in flushed affairs and I'm _trying_ to be aware of these things but ever since I was 13 I've created a demon within myself that I just _can't_ seem to get rid off."

Wow, confession hour. Who knew it was that time already. And we haven't even gotten lunch yet. Speaking of which, there's a line that's getting pretty close tot he Slophut.

"Well you can tell me all about that when we sit down, kay? You really don't want to give the lunch ladies something to gossip about," I point at the line and move forward, dragging him with me. He stutters and trips a little over his own feet.

"I-I don't really know what I'm doing though," he whispers coarsely. "I've never _actually_ gone to school before!"

"It's easy. Grab a tray and they'll put the food on it. After that just punch in your lunch number and voila," We get to the part I'm talking about and I pick up a tray. He copies me down to a point, and even manages a stiff but polite nod to the lunch ladies. He only fumbles a little with the lunch number too.

Again, I skip over the salad bar and head for my anonymous staircase. Once settled I deem confession hour in full swing again. It's time to get my therapist on.

"So lemme guess, you were one of those 13 year olds that thought they _had_ to get into a relationship, weren't you?" I ask. He rubs the back of his neck and nods in shame. Poor guy. Now I understand when he says it's a demon he can't quite seem to get rid off. The kind created by a 13 year old are often the hardest to do so, since that's usually when the mold gets first set to that way of thinking.

"And now it's something that people make out to be my identity. It makes it hard to change and prove them wrong. You saw how Vriska and Terezi treated me, like I was some joke," He sighs glumly. "I may not of had the greatest example for a lusus either, but when you're influenced as a kid it's hard, ya know?"

I nod my head. I can sympathize with him only all too well. How does anyone think I became how I am today?

"Well I guess it's good that you're at least recognizing that you need to change," I shrug again. Fishdan is definitely a lot more different than I first perceived. I suppose that his pompous front when we first met was kind of a defense mechanism that's built into him. But the guy I'm seeing is pretty open right now. A little glum looking, but honest at least. I like it.

He stares at me for a long time, mouth slightly agape. I pick at my food and nibble on it while he does that. Perhaps he's wondering why he even told me all that? Hell, I'm kinda wondering why he told me all that. But...it kinda makes me happy to be trusted so much. Talking like this...I guess it's fulfilling.

"I'll tell you what," I decide this within a split second and not leaving any room for take backs. "I won't go on a date with you, but we _can_ hang out after school."

His jaw drops completely. Surprise glitters in his eyes and I can't help but grin at him. The guy just never gets the right chance to go in the direction he wants. And I honestly can't deny, a friendship with him would be pretty cool.

"Ye-yeah. Yeah, sure!" He recovers quickly, a tiny, almost hopeful smile forming to commemorate the first one I've seen on him yet.

* * *

"Why did you tell Eridan you guys could hang out after school?" Jade asks this like she didn't know I was insane. She's probably going to flip when she finds out I'm far worse than insane.

"What's wrong with that? It's not like he's gonna take the opportunity to propose," We walk down the stairs and debate about the merits and downfalls of letting Fishdan hang out with me after school. I fail to mention the confession hour thing with him during lunch when she was gone. She probably wouldn't believe me. Jake had explained during class afterwards that some other guys had asked him to hang out with them and that he didn't mean to blow me off. He seemed cool with the idea of hanging out with Eridan after school and asked if he could join.

"If you're so worried about whatever then come with us. Jake'll be there, and we're just going to the Parlor," We cross the foyer and exit the building. Jake is attempting a conversation with Fishdan by the 'Pride Rock' as the school likes to call it. We walk up to them and interrupt the little progress the conversation was getting.

"Hello lovely ladies," Jake greets enthusiastically. "Where are we off to today?"

I grin and take the initiative. "Who's up for ice cream?"

* * *

 _Dualscar:_

He freezes as he looks out of the window in the faculty room. Outside by some dumb rock the school called it's pride is a group of four. The Princeton girl, the Wolfblood brats, and...his youngest grub. A weakling he had named Eridan.

His upper lip curls up in disgust. Was Eridan willingly disguising himself as a human? He knows he taught the boy better than that! _Hate all landwellers. Don't hide yourself as you eradicate their existence from the face of this planet._ That's what he had spent sweeps ingraining into that pathetic thinkpan of Eridan's. In his case though he had been ordered to hide among the humans, and that would be the only reason ever as to why he would do something like this.

But Eridan. Eridan obviously thought he was special, him and his brother. They had both run off to join the Peace Insurrections because they were more willing to follow the Queen's _daughters_ rather than the actual Queen.

He watches as everyone laughs at something the human had said, and then they begin to walk off. He spins around and storms off to follow after them. His recon work is becoming more fueled by anger at the sudden new appearance. It makes him a ticking time bomb.

* * *

 _Eridan:_

He's never felt so good in his life before. As of late it seemed like everything he does was like dragging around a slab of cement chained to him. Even his efforts to better himself felt like they were strangling him. It was all he could do for himself each day to not think of how everyone would probably be happier if he just erased his existence from the world.

Yes. He, Eridan Ampora, is depressed.

It's nothing new, and he's sure that nobody has ever suspected it. Not even once. And if they have then they didn't take it seriously. No one ever took him seriously. He may have mentioned feeling down before, but they all waved it off as acting. Crying wolf in order to manipulate them to his will. It wasn't true though. He needed help.

But he only kept making it worse for himself. Digging his own grave, as one might say. What he was trying to change made him hate himself more and more each day.

And then that human showed up.

 _Wait, that human has a name,_ he corrects himself while throwing a casual glance at the human in question. Dark hair, soft with a slight beach wave curl, fell into shockingly blue eyes.

Salem had been like a hurricane of upheaval for him from the very first moment they exchanged words. It confused him, because for once no thoughts of the Quadrants had crossed his mind as she had basically challenged him. She's...different. She _treated_ him differently. Like he actually meant something as an individual.

And it had made him curious about the ice-colored eyed human. He spent a greater portion of the day before just thinking what any of their meeting had even meant, which only really confused him further. And despite it all he couldn't help but ask himself the one question he knew he shouldn't: Flushed or Pale?

To settle the conflict he knew he needed to learn more about her, and the only thing that he could come up with as a solution was to enroll at the human school she went to. At first it seemed like a great idea. But then he got to the school and really wished he'd never had it. He didn't know _anything_ about how to act in schools. He didn't know how to deal with the humans in a way that wouldn't reveal himself as a Monster. Yet somehow he had managed. And after talking with Salem during lunch, he felt confident. Relaxed even. He'd been given a chance to prove he was trying to become who he wanted.

And now he's here, laughing and having a normal, non-flirtatious conversation with other people. Going to get ice cream like a normal person. It's the best that he's ever felt in what seems like forever.

 _Something so simple,_ he thought idly as they at ice cream and joked around. _Something so simple and I feel like I'm beholding it for the first time. It's the greatest feeling in the world!_

And in that moment he decides that his question doesn't matter anymore, because he found something better that went beyond the Quadrants.

* * *

We walk out of the Parlor in high spirits. Jade has secretly hinted to me that Eridan's been surprising her by acting...well...not Eridan-like. I'm just as highly tempted to tell her I told her so, but I'm nice and just continued to let the feel goods flow.

I don't know what we're going to do next, but I'm starting to think now might possibly be a good time to start introducing some of my friends to Aunt Jojo. These guys are here with me now, so the idea's only further supported in my opinion.

"Hey, you guys wanna come hangout at my place now? I ask, sort of timidly. I've never actually asked anyone if they've wanted to come over before.

"Are you kidding?! Of course!" Jade springs into action and jumps into the air happily. Jake and Eridan join in with their own forms of approval of the idea. I smile.

We're about to jovially head off like we're going to see the great and powerful Oz when someone comes along to ruin the fun.

" _Eridan!_ " The grating voice of probably my worst nemesis barks Fishdan's name. We turn around and see Sergeant lurking in the shadows of a building nearby. Holy fuck has he been following us or something? Jade and Jake growl, shifting into defensive stances.

I look at Fishdan to find out what this bastard could possibly want from him. I'm shocked to see he's stiff as a board, the color completely drained from his face within a matter of seconds. Not pale as a ghost, but ashen and smokey.

"Eridan, do you know him?" I ask.

"Get over here _boy_ ," Sergeant growls. Stiffly, totally unwillingly, Eridan obeys. I look between the two in concern. The way Sergeant's addressing him it's like he's Eridan's _dad_ or something.

"What have I told you about aligning yourself with their ilk? And you're even posing as one too? _Disgusting_ ," Eridan stops within a few feet of the imposing man. From looking at his back I can tell he's scared. His hands are clenched in tight fists at his sides and his head craned towards the ground.

"Y-you don't get to tell me what to do anymore," Eridan stutters, daring to lift up his head a little and stare at Sergeant. "I'm not the grub you used to boss around anymore, and I'm not under your control anymore!"

I look around in confusion at everyone. Jade and Jake look like they know who the P.E. teacher from Hell actually is now, and that it means bad news.

"What did you just say to me?" Sergeant's voice lowers to a deadly poison. It feels like the moment before a storm hits.

"I-I said-," Eridan never gets to repeat himself, because Sergeant took the moment to launch himself from the protection of the building. He slams a large fist in a downward arc and knocks the boy down. Eridan's glasses fly off him and skitter away into the street. A strangled cry escapes from me.

Jade leaps forward and hounds the hulking man back. Jake gets in front of me, but I undermine his actions and hurry over to Eridan. He's trying to pick himself up and scuttle backwards while clutching his face.

"Ya've gotten soft in more than one way _boy!_ " Sergeant nearly bellows, trying to get around Jade. I reach Eridan and pull him back. Jake's with me and doing a hell of a better job than I am.

"Get out of here, Dualscar," Jade growls, continuously blocking him and herding him back in a menacing way. I blink at the new name he's given. Dualscar? As in _The Orphaner_ Dualscar? One of the worst leaders in the Monster Uprisings? That's who my P.E. substitute has been? No wonder class has been hell.

"You can't keep making a scene here," Jake says calmly, heaving Eridan up and letting himself become a support beam. "You're already drawing unwanted attention, now's not the time or place."

I look over to the Parlor, which we were just leaving when all this happened. The few people in there are standing up and coming to watch the transactions with concern. My attention flickers back to Dualscar. He's staring angrily at us, realizing he has made a mistake.

Whirling around, he stomps off.

Jade turns back around. "We should probably go now before someone tries to 'help'."

"My offer to go to my place still stands, and I think Eridan's going to need some first aid," I walk over and scoop up his glasses. There's a huge crack through one of the lenses. I shake my head and wave them to follow me.

This day's just been too crazy.

* * *

 _Eridan:_

"Ow!" he hisses as Jade slaps a bandaid onto a cut just on his left temple.

"Oh don't be such a guppy. At least it's not as bad as the anti-septic spray," She sighs. He can't deny she's got a point with that though. Carefully he touches the spot and winces. This is going to turn into a bruise.

His lusus still has a painful right hook unfortunately.

"Yo Fishdan, I think you should probably explain what just went down, because I don't get it," Salem pulls up a chair and sits down on it backwards. She tucks her arms underneath her chin and waits patiently for him to explain.

He sighs. "That was my lusus- er, dad."

There's a sharp inhale and he looks away from her. No doubt she had heard his name being called out and is thinking real hard about it. He's scared, suddenly, that she's going to hate him because of it. He doesn't want that. Not after feeling like he could come out of this with a friend.

"Alright so now my next question is what the hell is one of the big shot Monster's doing as a substitute teacher here in Chelan?"

He frowns. What? His lusus has been substituting at the school? He hadn't know this because he had opted out of the class. The idea of Dualscar doing something like that just sounded so... _wrong._ Dualscar _hates_ humans. That fact is one he'll never forget.

"It doesn't make sense, but now we're gonna have to extra careful. Salem, make sure you don't get detention with him again if he even bothers to show his face at the school after this," Jade says, bringing her thumb up to her mouth so she could chew on the nail. A nervous habit she'd developed when thinking hard.

"How could he even comeback after that?" Jake asks. He thinks about it for a moment. It really wouldn't make sense for Dualscar to make a comeback, but at the same time it still baffles him that Dualscar was even here in the first place.

"It's a problem that will only get an answer when tomorrow rolls around, unfortunately," Salem sighs. It goes quiet for a minute and they're all left thinking about different angles of the same problem.

Suddenly a horrible thought crosses his mind.

Does this mean that they'll have to abandon ship and move somewhere else again?

* * *

 _Just gonna let that sink in there... (Also, possibly a semi-long AN ahead)_

 _Alright headcanon time! These headcanons mostly revolve around Eridan, since that's also kinda what this chapter revolved around (btw I had already been thinking about this chapter before but then I saw that_ someone _was thinking about shipping and I'm like "Eh, why not provide some fanservice before I make shit hit the ceiling?" XD) Okay back to headcanons._

 _1\. I know Eridan is somewhat OOC, but in this case it's because he's 18. You have to keep in mind that he died when he was 13 in canon and that he really was in the wrong line of thinking then. I like to think that if he had actually gotten the chance to grow up that he'd level out a bit and mature some, which is what I was trying to capture here._

 _2\. I really think that Eridan suffers from anxiety, depression, and suicidal thoughts more so than the genocidal ones. I also think that even with as nice as most of the people in Homestuck actually are, they would probably brush Eridan off and not take him seriously because of the way he's acted before._

 _3\. I also kinda, sorta, maybe headcanon Dualscar as being a bit of an abusive parent with a temper. Except he wouldn't think of it as abuse and more like he's training Eridan and Cronus for a bunch of different things. (If you don't want to agree with any of these that's fine but this is just my view on things so don't rag on me for them.)_

 _To the reviewer Dr. End! Thanks I'm so glad you like the story :D Man do I wish I could write 6 chapters in a minute though haha. It's a good thing that I've built up a store of things to type up now though, so as soon as I find time to type stuff up then I'll get to it ;) And final announcement: My birthday's in 2 days! I'm actually kinda excited because I'll be getting my hair dyed after that. But before that I should finally be getting my license (which is unfortunately what's causing me to be so busy. Damn driver's ed!)_


	15. Also That Day

_Dave:_

He stares at his ceiling, dimmed by his shades. He'd had a funny dream about a little girl covered in dirt from head to toe, playing in a field of gold. It had been a dream bubble, that much he knew since there was sunlight that wasn't burning him to death. He had tried to talk with the kid, thinking and feeling that she was familiar, but she refused to listen to him and ran away a lot. Now that he's actually awake and thinking about it he realizes that she must have been playing with him. It was something he used to do with Dirk all the time when he was a kid and didn't want to do anything else.

But of course that's only a small part of his thoughts. The majority is wrapped around taking another tip into the past. This one to be deviated from his normal one. He has to see for himself how that moment in time went down. The moment when the world was plunged into a vicious rebellion of uprisings.

Sighing, he sits up and swings his legs over the bed. Time to take a trip to San Francisco April 18th, 2006. Almost 11 years to the date.

The motion in his room stops and he feels himself being pulled backwards. He leans into the feeling and lets it suck him in. Like he's been pulled and released in a slingshot he flies back in time. It doesn't take him long to reach his destination.

He falls into the shadow of a building, the perfect view of the bay in his sights. And with his keen sight he can see more detail than the grainy footage of a camera could capture.

The traffic on the bridge is steady as everyone goes to and fro about their normal business, completely unsuspecting of the events about to proceed. He wonders which one of the vehicles belongs to Salem's parents. The exhaust fumes cloy his nose and mix with the salt of the sea to create an almost putrid scent. The sun is mostly shining, the occasional puffy cloud dotting here and there. A light breeze blows around. He senses that the moment of catastrophe approaches.

There's a rumbling sound, and all the at towards the opening of the bay a massive tidal wave forms. It builds up until it towers even up above the bridge. The wave cast a demonic shadow over the area. A chill runs through him as he senses the amount of animosity coming from it. He squints, trying to find the point where the beam that would kill thousands would emanate from before it actually did.

A spark of light fires from about the middle of the wave. It takes mere seconds to reach the bridge. The moment of collision blinds him. Seconds later the sound wave reaches him, sending shocks through everything. He falls backwards, shielding himself from flying debris. It's like an avalanche all around him, buildings everywhere collapse even though they had originally been built to withstand powerful earthquakes. People scream, cars go off, but the most powerful sound is that of the bridge breaking.

He picks himself up amidst the tremors of the land and watches as the thing disintegrates and falls into the bay. Any cars not incinerated fall to the drink below with little chance of survival.

The tidal wave begins to retreat, but not before he finds the person who ignited this fire.

He gasps in surprise as he stares in shock at the receding figure. Time pulls him forward and he sinks back into it's grip, appearing once again in present day. Shaken, he flops back onto the bed. The image of the violet cloak disappearing into the waves heavy in his mind.

* * *

People are in a panic when he arrives at the Mess Hall. Everyone's gathered around the conjoined tables, chairs pushed far out of the way as everyone is standing. It's loud. Too many people trying to get their voices and opinions heard all at the same damn time. Yet it's pretty much customary with this group.

He sidles up to his best friend John and leans in to ask him a question. "What's going on?"

John turns to look at him, worrying creasing his brow and clouding his usually sunny eyes. "Jade came back with Jake and Eridan not long ago with a problematic revelation."

A number of things fly through his head. Why the hell is Eridan with them? What happened? Who'd they kill? Did they need help hiding the body?

But instead what came flying out of his mouth is, "Is Salem alright?"

"From what I gathered, yeah. But she might not be in the future," John turns back to continue observing the unfolding panic. "Dualscar's in town."

He freezes.

The last he'd seen of that barbarian hadn't been that long ago actually. A cluster of images flit in the back of his mind of the large troll's back fading away into the tidal wave while the bay area burned. But before that, outside of a memory of the past, it had been in a life or death hunting game. Their time on the run has led them to encounter a lot of unpleasant adversarys'.

"And it turns out that he's that substitute at the school Jade had been talking about the other day."

His head swings around to look for Jade. He spots her next to Eridan, who's got a pretty little shiner on his temple with a bandaid. His hipster frames are gone too.

"What the hell happened to the fish? Was there a fight? Was Salem there? How come nobody came and got me?!" He asks with mounting panic.

"Salem was there, there was a sort of fight, she's still fine, and I was about to come and get you until you showed up," John answers his questions calmly, placing a hand on his shoulder as if to say _chill dude_. He took a deep breath and went back to watching the arguing.

"And now what's going on?"

"They're trying to decide what to do. Escape or stay," John folds his arms and watches intently like he wants to say something, but doesn't dare intervene just yet.

"We can't run from the HIC forever," he mutters. John nods in agreement. Deciding it's time to put a stop to the noise and confusion he steps forward and gets everyone's attention with a loud whistle.

"Alright listen up," he commands. Everyone shuts up and looks at him. "They don't know where the Hive is. Roxy's got the place well underneath the hag's radar. And even if we do decide to pick up and run- where can we go?"

He lets that hang in the air for awhile. There's a lot of uncomfortable shifting around. They know he's right. Running for so long can only take them so far until they've got nowhere left to run _to._

And what about Salem? He can't just leave her here either. She could be in terrible danger with Dualscar hanging around. Especially if he knows what kind of human she is. But taking her with them is just out of the question. She'd probably be in even more danger then. And he couldn't just expect her to pack up everything she owns in a suitcase and run off with them. It's pretty much it's own inescapable situation.

"Then what do you propose we do?" Rose asks quietly, breaking the silence. He looks at her, knowing that his next words could allow her to look into the future and allow her to see if they would be fortuitous.

"We stay and ride out the waves until it's time to fight."

* * *

 _Another short chapter, but I think that's just kinda how it's gonna be when it's not in Salem's POV. But also, double chapter update! Woot woot! I figure that since updates are gonna be coming slow next week that I can at least do this to make up for it. Can't wait to fire the next couple of chapters at you guys cause boy is the pace going to get kicked up a notch._

 _Disclaimer: Don't. Own. Homestuck. I wish, but my mind isn't that brilliant nor is my hand that artistic._


	16. What Hides in the Past

_Window78, bless. Do not worry, I will open that can of worms for you. A little bit today. A little bit in another chapter. You'll get your worms ;)_

* * *

 _The Condescension:_

She crosses her legs and leans back in her seat. Scratch patiently waits for her to lay out an already forming scheme so that he might possibly advise her on both merits and faults.

"Tell one of your nurses to take the day of the human's appointment off. That Megido girl perhaps," She says thoughtfully, drumming her fingers rhythmically against her leg. She _has_ to see for herself what the human is like, and just how exactly the the vampire regards it. She knows that they're due for a follow up appointment, so enacting _this_ plan then will be best.

 ** _I'm certain Damara won't mind it one bit,_** Scratch says in acknowledgement before turning to leave. She's left alone in the sterile room. She supposes it's about time to go back and deal with her prisoners some more.

The thought is cut off when her pocket begins to buzz. Narrowing her eyes she takes out a compact mirror. No one is allowed to use this to contact her unless the situation is dire, and even then punishment is certain to be ensued. She flips it open and sees Dualscar. Her upper lip curls into a snarl.

" _What?"_ she snaps.

"My cover is blown," he says simply, unremorsefully.

"WHAT?!" She explodes. "You had one job! One measly, impossibly easy job. How did you fuck it up?!"

Dualscar doesn't respond.

" _Answer me."_

The man's jaw twitches as he grinds his teeth together. Finally he answers, "I saw my grub, Eridan, laughin' it up with the lowbloods and humans alike."

An icy anger washes over her like a fine glaze. "You mean to tell _me_ that you let _your emotions_ get the best of you so much that you _had_ to blow your cover for _punishment?_ "

Again, no response.

"Dualscar, you are put into immediate standby on my orders until further notice. Do not leave your base or interact with anyone, _understood?_ " She commands him calmly, with a a clipped and deadly tone slipping smoothly in. Dualscar's face turns to stone, a passive expression no doubt hiding his unwarranted anger at her. The only one the fool should be mad at though is himself.

"Yes, Your Highness," he responds with a strangled voice. The image flickers and she's left staring at her paralyzing reflection.

She sighs in frustration and glares at the door. "I know you're out there Scratch. What is it?"

The gollem opens the door and slips back into the room. He hides his hands behind his back and stands in resolute attention.

 ** _Do you have need for a change of plans, your Majesty?_**

"Current ones? No. Future ones? Since Dualscar seems to enjoy lone wolf operations so much instead of following simple orders, schedules might have to be bumped up," She rubs the bridge of her nose and leans back in her seat, finding that she had been upright and stiffer than a rod.

She still fully intends to find out what that human means to the Knight. If it's a lover, it can be taken and tortured into submission and he'll have no choice to submit himself if he does not wish to see the human suffer. If it's a friend then a ransom can be set, the human for obedience. If it's nothing more than a food supply then the human is of no value to her royal plans and is best off terminated as a slap to the vampire's face.

 ** _I suggest, if you do not mind, that for the best results you use Dave's past against him. You know exactly what I'm talking about,_** Scratch mentally clears his throat suddenly and offered her something of value for once. A smirk tugged the corners of her mouth. Ah, _that_. Her longevity rivals that of a vampire's, especially that of the Striders'. She remembers that the younger one had caused such a scandal in the vampire communities that it resulted in a new law formed dealing with Marks.

"Of course," she muttered, wrapping herself around the idea quicker than a boa around it's prey. "Confliction due to seeing the ghost of a past lover he killed himself. Perfect!"

 ** _You're welcome._**

"Quiet you," she snaps, not in the mood to deal with his smugness (though he'd deny that he is an utterly humble being). It all falls into place. She's moving onto bigger fish for frying, and nothing is going to stand in her way.

* * *

"Dave, do I _really_ have to come to this appointment? Can't you just tell the Doc that I'm a-ok and call it good?" I whine. I'm so fucking tired of being tired. These night excursions are taking their toll on me.

"Hey, Doc said so no complaining," Dave shrugs and flips a page of Health Nut Magazine. Man, he really does like that specific magazine. I wonder what kind of bullshit it tells him he should do to keep his model worthy appearance.

"You know, my offer from the last time we were here still stands," He peeks over the magazine and flashes me a sly grin. "My lap is open and free of charge for you babe."

"How many times do I have to tell you to not call me babe?"

"As many times as you'd like babe. You won't get me to stop denying what you are though," He disappears behind the magazine again. Heat blasts like the furnaces of Hell have opened in my systems and I feel almost feverish. Did he just _compliment_ me?

The magazine slightly shake sin his hands and I manage to hear faint snorting. Oh so this is the game he's playing tonight huh? 'Let's See What Reactions We Get Out of Salem!' only showing on Wednesday nights on the channel Fuck You Dave Strider! Well I'll have him know that I'm not gonna let him win this game show.

I stand up and cross over to sit in the chair next to him. He looks away from his magazine to stare at me quizzically. Plopping down I get myself nice and comfy before laying my head on his shoulder.

"You made a pretty good pillow the other night," I yawn lazily.

"You pushed me off the couch if I recall correctly," he responds dryly.

"That was after I woke up," I mumble, already cursing myself for making this move. He really _does_ make a good pillow. Fuck, why is it he's always winning these games anyways even though it's my move?!

"You know, if you really wanna stay awake I can help you with that," he says in a coy manner, putting the magazine down on the other chair next to him. I open an eye and see a lecherous grin on his face.

"Dream on lover boy."

"Oh is that what I am now? Well if I'm the lover boy then how come I haven't even gotten a kiss yet?

And the answer comes to me like godsend. Or maybe more like stupidity. Hanging out with Dave for so long has finally gotten me accustomed to the stupid shit he does that I think it might possibly be starting to rub off on me. Still, if I wanna win all I gotta do is play the game from his set of rules instead of mine.

I sit up and use my seat as a rail while I lean forward and plant a kiss on his cheek. My hell he is fucking _cold!_

"There's your kiss now shut up," I say with a smirk. I slide back into my seat and continue to lean against him. Ah, silence is golden. Triumph is brilliance. Smugness is a surety. Embarrassment is imminent.

What the hell am I thinking?!

"While that was all well and fine, I was thinking of something more along the lines of on the lips."

"Oh for fucks sake! What do I gotta do to win against you?" I whirl around in my seat and glare at him. That petty smirk of his tells me that I just fell into a double trap by responding to him. An angry strangled noise escapes me.

Just then the door opens and I whip around again to see the same she-troll from the last time standing in the doorway. Something about her seems kinda off though. She seems more alert, like she's trying to observe every little thing. Especially me. It's really awkward.

" _Salem the Doctor will see you now_ ," She gestures to me. " _Dave, you may wait here._ "

Uhh...

I look back at Dave. Doesn't he have to be there for some shit or other? To testify as a witness of the power of the little green pill? Anything? Dave looks just as equally confused as I feel, but he doesn't voice any concerns out loud. Instead he just shrugs and picks up his magazine again.

Umm...

Okay then.

I stand up and exit the waiting room without Dave.

* * *

 _Dave:_

Like hell is he going to just sit and wait patiently for Salem to come back! It's not like Doc to tell him to just sit back anyways. And, like, didn't he need to testify of the miracles the pill brought to Salem?

Not only that but Damara had weirded him out, more so than the usual. Damara doesn't do _alert_ , she's more of a _I don't really give a fuck_ kind of person unless porn is brought up. He didn't like the way she had stared at Salem, like she was an interesting rock that could be added to the collection. Something's going on and he needs to find out what before it's too late.

After he's certain he's given them enough time to get to the Doc's office he throws down his magazine and sneaks out of the waiting room. Concentrating, he pinpoints Salem's voice talking to the Doc and heads down the hall to listen in on the conversation.

* * *

 ** _So how have you been since your last visit? I've noticed that you aren't as tense as before, perhaps you've learned to get along with Dave?_** I shake my head slightly, still creeped out by the way his voice echoes in my head.

"Well I guess so long as I don't ingest any of that godforsaken Faygover ever again I think I just might live," I mutter. "And yeah, Dave and I've come to a mutual agreement."

 ** _Excellent. And what exactly happened to your face?_**

"I slipped. Several dozens times," My muttering persists and I absently reach up to pat my split lip. Dave had been short of blowing a fuse after he had dropped by and seen my face. It took a lot of convincing on my part that I was fine and that he couldn't go commit murder unless he was gonna let me join in, which he refused so it made things a moot point.

 ** _Not to worry. I have something to help with that._** The Doc turns around and rummages through a drawer before returning triumphantly with a white bottle. The label read _Knit and Heal: A spray that will make any surface wound close and heal._

 ** _I can't do much about the bruises though, so I apologize about that._**

"S'no problem. Just one question: How much is this going to hurt?"

* * *

 _Dave:_

He presses his head lightly against the door so as to better hear through it. He feels this slight jolt inside of him just as he hears Salem cry out:

"Ow! Okay yes I see your point now. Okay, okay stop spraying me with it!"

He leans back and stares at the door as if it'll give him some answers or context as to what is happening on the other side. The door remains a stubborn and unyielding asshole though, so he just puts his ear back to it so he can continue hearing half a conversation.

"Yeah I guess. He's not such a total pain in the ass anymore."

 _Salem, your wounds are as sharp as a knife and they wound me_ , he thinks mournfully.

"Uh, he seems fine to me. Why're you asking?"

What? Now what are they talking about? Damn he hates Doc's one way communication system. Salem's half of the conversation isn't telling him jack shit.

A chill runs down his spine and he shivers slightly, but pays it no heed. Faintly he processes a whisper like sound, almost as if a cobweb were falling through his brain. Half tangible, half nonexistent. It's probably just his imagination acting up.

" _Dave,"_ The whisper comes again, louder. Closer. He freezes, senses becoming hyper aware. _That voice... It can't be!_

Slowly he turns around. The hall is empty. He sighs in relief and blames his imagination again. However, a nervous tick begins in his hands and he shakes them back and forth to rid himself of the feeling.

 _Stupid fucking imagination. It's not_ her _. I'm overreacting. It's not her, and never will be. She'd never show up. Not in a million years after cursing my name._

Or so he keeps telling himself. It's the one truth he never forgot and always reminded him to stop looking over his shoulder in hopes of catching a glimpse of someone long lost. A mantra to ward off thoughts that would haunt him. Haunt him in the way he remembered _her_ walk, the way she moved her hands as she spoke-such elegance and poise, so delicate and frail- to the way her auburn hair would trail along in the breeze. And her eyes. The kindest, deepest, most gorgeous milky white he ever-

He blinks, eyes widening in horror. His comparison quickly deteriorates as he realizes he's been staring at the real deal. The girl he had just been imagining stands not far from him, giving him a baleful stare. The nervous tick turns into a slight tremor and takes over more than just his hands. He stops thinking all together.

"Lillith?"

Her stare turns cold and unforgiving, a look much comparable to someone having placed sour milk under her nose. He head hangs awkwardly to the side, an angry purple mark circling her pale skin. Her dress, a faded grey, hangs off her in tatters. She appears more terrifying than when she had died.

" _Dave,"_ she whispers again before turning to glide down the hall. He can't stop himself. He _has_ to follow after her.

He sprints down the hall to catch up with her, every warning signal firing off in his brain with him completely ignoring them. Doubt fills his mind. Is he imagining this? Has she really come back? What does she have to say to-

He rounds a corner and stops dead in his tracks.

Lillith stands a few feet ahead of him, a noose around her neck. " _You did this to me, Dave. I hate you! I hate you!"_

Her words reverberate within him and he balks, slowly sinking to the ground. It's his fault. It's all his fault and she's never going to let him forget that. Of course. That would be the only reason for her to appear four centuries later. Four centuries later and a new pet. A flicker of memories jog back and forth in a whirlwind of convolution with terrifying scenarios he had entertained once. _The townspeople in an uproar. Dirk running into his room with the the worst news he could ever hear. Being rooted to the spot as he watched some villagers cut down Lillith's body from the tree. The defiant look in Salem's eyes as he tormented her. His fangs pressed against her throat, ready to rip it out. The spike of fear as Dirk almost bit her. Salem and Lillith being one and the same and ending up dead._

He shudders and goes slack, so utterly terrified of himself like never before.

* * *

I feel uneasy. There's been this twinge in my neck for a while now, and it sorta burns a little. I've found it _really_ annoying after a couple of minutes.

"So uh, what exactly did you mean by how is Dave doing? You could have let him come in with me and asked him yourself you know," That's the other thing that's bothering me. Doc asked me how Dave was doing, and he made it obviously suspicious. Then afterwards my neck began doing weird shit. I don't like coincidences, but there's too much to be suspicious of to not suspect one.

 ** _Just that, how is he doing? I'm just curious to find things out is all,_ ** he dodges the question. And he dodges it in the seemingly most convenient way possible.

"Okay...sounds fake but okay," I rub my neck as a sharp pain practically stabs it like the serial killer it is.

 ** _Is something wrong?_**

"It's just a little pain that just barely started up, I'll be-," I stop and stare at my hand which is trembling violently. That's not right. It's not that cold in here, and I'm not scared...I think. As soon as the thought crosses my mind this dead weight compresses my chest and my unease increases. Something's wrong. With me I can't say much, but the questioning about Dave really has him on my mind.

 _Is_ he okay?

 ** _You should go check on him._**

With little to no hesitation I hop off the bed and bolt out the door. I'm about to turn down to go to the waiting room when I hear it.

A ghostly whisper with a terrifying echo. I turn the other way and follow the noise, sprinting down the hall. The panic that doesn't really belong to me mounts and the pressure on my chest feels like I'm being suffocated by a concrete block. I fly by and nearly miss him altogether.

"Dave!" He's on the ground, kneeling. His arms hang slack at his sides, but his shoulders are shaking and I know it from laughter. Carefully I step towards him.

"Dave?" I reach for his shoulder. He whirls around and grabs my wrist. In a blink we disappear from the medical center.

* * *

 _The Condescension:_

 ** _I assume you got what you wanted?_**

Scratch walks up to her calmly as she watches from a far the duo disappearing. Just before the human had arrived she transformed into a fly. A cruel smirk lines her face as she feels a sense of pride in her work.

"No, actually that told me barely anything since he ran away," She turns around and stalks off towards the white room she had taken over as her temporary base of operations. Based off of other information Dualscar had given her she's fairly confident in knowing where he might go next.

"What did you find out about the human?"

 ** _It seems that Collision is only just beginning to form. From what I've gathered though it's going to be an emotional connection._**

She pounces on the information. An emotional connection, huh? Only one sort of relationship comes to mind that can stem from that kind of bond. And with a connection like that it is absolutely crucial she take advantage of it.

 ** _What will you do now?_**

"Why, what I always do best. Take what isn't mine and hurt my enemies of course."

* * *

 _Woohoo! I only have one more Driver's Ed class on Tuesday and then I can say Adios Bitchachos to that fuckin disaster! On a side note holy cow I made it to 16 chapters. This is officially the first most longest running story I have ever had the pleasure of writing, and I'm hoping it'll also be the first I can actually finish! And if this chapter kinda confused you, I promise it'll get explained in the next one!_


	17. Lillith Collyer

We materialize in a hallway of the Hive. Apparently it's in front of a room too because Dave opens a door and hastily enters inside. I make a move to follow him but he shuts the door in my face, locking it as well.

"Dave what the fuck?!" I pound on the door and uselessly try to force my way in. "Dave what the hell is going on? Let me in!"

 _Now_ I can start adopting this foreign panic as my own. This is very un-Dave-like and it's freaking me out. What the hell happened to him? I continue to pound mercilessly on the door as if it'll make a difference.

Well, it does in a sense, because it earns me a little bit of attention. Just from the wrong Strider though.

"Geez Salem, don't bully the door. It's just doing it's job, minding it's own business. You know, door things," Dirk places a hand on my shoulder and I freak out, whirling around and slapping his hand away from me.

"Ow! What the hell?" He frowns at me and I quickly apologize before turning around again to continue with breaking down the door. My mini episode doesn't really feel like it's me doing it though. Perhaps Dave's odd behavior is infecting me as well?

"Dave let me in!"

"What's this? Are you two having a lover's quarrel _again?_ " Dirk teases, regaining his composure and casually leaning against the wall beside me.

I turn to him in agitation and quickly explain the problem. "We went to see the Doc for another check up. I don't know what happened to him, but he got spooked and now we're here and I don't know what the _hell_ is going on because he won't _fucking_ talk to me!"

"Not to worry, fair lady. I will assist you in pulling Dave's head out of his ass," With a flourish Dirk pulls away from the wall and bows. In a blink he's gone.

I momentarily stare at the space he had been before it hits me. "Hey you were supposed to take me with you asshole!"

* * *

 _Dave:_

He doesn't make it to the bed before he collapses to the ground, panting hard. Scooting as best as he can he does make it to the edge of the bed and he takes the opportunity to lean against it. He rubs his face, taking off his glasses and throwing them onto the bed, then buries his head in his hands.

There's too much. Too much confusing him, frightening him. He tries to block out everything. Salem begging him to let her in, the flood of memories, the accumulation of dead end scenarios. He's guilty of one to many crimes and it's eating him alive. He wants desperately to cease existing for a while. To escape _feeling_.

Why? Why had Lillith done this? Did she really not want him to forget? Heh, he didn't need any help with that. How does one even forget that they're the reason their first love died? Was she trying to hurt him? Break him even more? Why now of all times, just when he thought he could finally get a new start and break away from his old self?

" _Bro_ ," Strong, firm hands grip his shoulders and force him to come back into focus. He looks up from his hands and stares his brother in the eyes. He had taken off his glasses too and is watching him in concern. Golden eyes glow with an orange aura, almost making them appear to be molten amber.

"I saw Lillith," he whispers numbly. Dirk frowns, eyes widening a little in shock.

"Are you sure it was her and not, like, a Bogart or something?"

"Dirk it was _Lillith_ ," he reaches out and clings to Dirk's shirt, shaking so much that it takes him several tries to grab and hold onto it.

"That _can't be_ though. You know what she-," He cuts his brother off by shoving him away.

"I know! But _it was her_!" He feels trapped now. The walls were closing in on him. He has to get out of here! One thought is all it takes and he's gone again.

* * *

Dirk opens the door and lets me in. He runs his hand through his hair and sighs heavily. I notice that his shades are missing, and that the real color of his eyes are as unique as Dave's. They're like this molten gold color, but a little bit closer to something like that Faygover drink. Out of the corner of my eyes I notice that Dave's shades are on the bed, but no Dave.

"Where is he?"

"He just disappeared. You weren't kidding when you said he was spooked," Dirk directs me to the bed and we both take a seat. I roll my shoulders a little, trying to rid myself of this abstract pain.

It's quiet for a minute, and I really want to know what the hell it is that freaked Dave out. I'm about to ask Dirk when he speaks up.

"Has Dave ever mentioned anything about Lillith to you?"

I blink. "Uh...no? Who's that?"

I'm relatively positive he hasn't ever mentioned a person named Lillith to me. At least, not by name anyways. What does this Lillith have to do with Dave freaking out anyways? Dirk sighs and scratches his head.

"Figures," he mutters. "Lillith is a pretty touchy topic for him nowadays, and he only brings her up in vague references. Well, actually she's been a touchy topic for the last four centuries.

"Care to elaborate instead of vaguing it?" I fold my arms over my chest and bring my feet up on the bed. Whenever he says this mystery girl's name I get this jolt in my neck, and it scares me. There's a story I'm missing here.

Dirk sighs again and tiredly begins to explain. "Back in the day when Dave and I were seriously growing up, as in we aged like normal kids at first, we lived with a bunch of colonists. Dave was a dumb fifteen year old and and I was about two years older than him. We were both fairly stupid, now that I think about it, but that's besides the point."

I cock an eyebrow. Apparently tangent loving lips are a thing that runs in the family.

"Anyway, there was this girl. Her name was Lillith Collyer. A really nice and sweet person that people just naturally adored. Well Dave, being the dumb fifteen year old he was, fell in love with her. There are some details I'll just skip over, but long story short is that he bit her and she became Marked. But...well...there was a problem with that."

I nod my head. Makes sense. This happened about the 16th century or so and being a vampire's pet then just didn't mix well with the times. Not that being one today is a good idea or anything, but it's a lot easier to get away with it now than it was then.

I focus in again on what Dirk is saying. "You see, Lillith had already been Marked by another vampire. She was actually my pet first."

I sit upright. Dirk rubs his face again and nods his head to confirm that I did indeed just hear him say that.

Quietly he continues with his mini background sermon. "Double Marking doesn't really happen all that often. It's even rarer than just one Mark showing up. But what it does to the Pet is terrible. It's like shattering them into a billion pieces and telling them to only follow one. It breaks their minds so badly that they become someone else entirely."

I think back to the time when Dirk had been about to bite me. What if he had and I was Marked again? How would it have destroyed me? What was Lillith like when she had been Double Marked? And what had it done to Dave?

"Lillith started to hate Dave because of it. She called him awful things and cursed his name so many times. But the ultimate straw led to her killing herself," He trails off as he remembers something that I have no desire to pry into. I feel bad for Dave. It makes sense now, when he had told me that my words reminded him of something someone else had said. So I guess this means that the demons of his past are haunting him again?

"After that he was put on trial in the Vampire Communities. They passed a law banning Double Marking, in order to prevent another Lillith from happening. Dave and I promised each other that we wouldn't go after each other's Pet's if we ever happened to get another one again, but you...You surprisingly make it difficult for me to keep to that law and promise," Dirk reaches over and lightly punches my shoulder. "Maybe it's just because you're not an airhead like the others, I don't know. There's just something other than your blood that I like about you. And I think that the same can be said for Dave too. You're pretty one of a kind you know?"

"Do I remind him of Lillith in anyway?" I ask. It makes me guilty just thinking about how I had probably hurt him before.

"Nah, Lillith was definitely a more soft spoken girl than you. Times were hella different and so were upbringings and stuff like that."

I think about that. Since she was a soft spoken girl gone mad, then that...actually explains a little bit. She died with a grudge against Dave, so perhaps she came back to haunt him as revenge. That's gotta be what freaked him out.

"He said he saw Lillith, and that's the problem. Lillith hasn't come back at all from beyond the veil to haunt him in the last few centuries, so why would she start now?" Dirk stands up and begins to pace around. Well that just throws out my conclusion. I watch him go with no other answers to give him.

The twinge on my neck begins to make itself noticeable again, and I rub at the spot. It only gets worse though, and this crushing feeling encompasses all of me instead of just my lungs. A sharp pain stabs through my neck as hot as an iron pulled straight from the flames and I lurch forward, crying out.

Dirk catches me. "What's wrong?!"

I clutch his arm tightly while trying to keep myself together. There's only one place on my mind as I say, "We need to go to the lake!"

* * *

 _Dave:_

He breathes heavily and bends over to stare at the ground. The cloud cover hides the moon from view and makes his surroundings gloomy. Desperately he tries to pull himself together.

It _was_ Lillith he had seen. There's no way it couldn't have been. Why wouldn't it be? She's trying to remind him how horrible he really is. Probably in light of getting closer to Salem.

His mind flashes to the moment when he watched the village men pulling Lillith's limp body down from the tree. It parallels to the moment he had almost killed Salem. All of his decisions have lead to brash outcomes, whether they died or were nearly killed it didn't matter either way. What if he had actually gone through with it and killed Salem? What would it have done except prove some of Lillith's final words to him?

He grips his head tightly, sharp nails biting into his scalp.

 _Monster! Vile demon! You should have never been created! You just take for yourself, never thinking about the consequences. You ruin lives! I hate you! I hate you!_

He struggles with himself, fighting off the unnatural reflex to cry. He squeezes his eyes shut and refuses to breath at all.

It probably would have helped him to regain his senses. Maybe even allowed him to go back and give a half assed explanation and an apology to Salem. But it simply was not meant to happen.

" _You killed_ me, _and yet all you can do is think about yourself,_ " He slowly looks up to face the spector. Lillith stands a few feet away from him, much closer to the shore of the lake. A chill runs up his spine. She emanates such a hate filled aura.

"Lillith," he chokes out. "I didn't know that Double Marking was even a thing back then or what it would even do to you!"

He wants her to forgive him. He wants her to move on. It's alright if he continues to suffer, but she doesn't deserve to be tied down like this. She never did in his eyes.

" _Silence_ ," she commands him. Her voice sounds like a thousand snakes hissing. It terrifies him to the point of submission.

Lillith begins to walk forward; no it's more of glide. He's rooted to the spot. He can't stand this uncontrollable fear. It's not a natural thing in him, and it's so, so, so _wrong_. He wants to move, to disappear again, but he can't. The panic inside of him scrambles everything. He's drowning in it.

She keeps coming closer, her arm outstretched. Is she going to finally take revenge? Is this it? These thoughts swirl and combine with the anxious fear. His mind goes blank.

Something else began happening on the scene, and it drew him back to reality slightly. Back to normalcy. Like a flash, just as Lillith begins to close in, Dirk and Salem appear. Lillith stops and glances at them, and it's like an iron grip is loosing on him. Like a firestorm Salem, who had been leaning heavily against Dirk, launches herself at Lillith and lands a hard punch on the ghost's jaw. Lillith's eyes change color momentarily, a golden color with black irises.

 _Wait._

He snaps out of it completely just in time to catch a stumbling Salem. She tries to remain in front of him defensively, although she is so small and trembling.

"Dave that's not who you think it is. It's not Lillith. Ghosts aren't solid, and spirits can't change eye colors like that," She pants. He looks again at Lillith with fresh eyes. His jaw clamps shut and his lips curl into a snarl.

The one thing he should have looked for first, instead of panicking, was the Mark. Both of them. But he had allowed himself to get caught off guard too much and it had caused this disaster. Now he looks and sees nothing. A growl builds up in his throat and he pushes Salem behind him, overwhelming desires to keep her safe surging through him. She slightly clings to the back of his shirt to remain upright. Dirk bounds over and takes up the intimidation stance at his side.

"Reveal yourself!" he barks. The fake smirks and grows taller. Her hair darkens and accumulates in mass and volume while her pale skin darkens to a smokey grey. The tattered dress turns into a tight fitting body suit. The new woman places one hand on her hip and poses as if to say _ta-da!_

"Hello boys," The Condesce smirks. "Fancy meeting you here. Are you going to introduce the human to me?"

He and Dirk band closer together in front of Salem. She tries to look between the gap in their shoulders to still see what's going on, much to his dismay.

The Condesce begins addressing Salem instead. "That was quite rude of you just a moment ago. Do you know what the capital punishment for hitting a Queen is?"

"If you say ' _Off with your head_ ' then you are really unoriginal," Salem replies as coolly as she can, an icy anger tinging her voice. "And I'd say it's a fair trade off for freaking this fucker out though. There are a lot of things I don't take lightly, and what you just did is one of them."

He feels a swell of pride. Damn, she's a hell of a lot braver than he is to mouth off to the Queen. Maybe it's just because she actually doesn't really know the HIC but still. _You go Salem!_

The Condesce's eyes narrow slightly, glinting harshly in the gloom. "You've got some nerve, girl."

"So I've been told."

There's an intense stare off, and the tension accumulates bit by bit. He waits on edge for the Queen from Hell to strike, but it never comes.

"Well I got what I wanted. Tell your little school that I'll be seeing you all around here soon," She cackles suddenly, breaking the moment apart. In a flash she disappears.

He scans the area to make sure there's no trace of her anywhere. The lack of pressure on his shirt draws him away from the task and he turns around. He gasps as Salem rams into him, trapping him in a tight hug.

"Don't ever do something like that again without talking to me you asshat!" Her voice is muffled by his shirt, but he feels the moisture from her warm breath. She's shaking-or is that him? Both? He stops pursuing that line of thought knowing that it doesn't really matter. He slowly wraps his arms around her and mumbles a lame apology.

"You owe her, bro," Dirk says quietly with a pat to his shoulder before leaving.

He nods at the air where his brother had been just a moment ago. He really had only been thinking about himself, _yet again_. Had he ever actually stopped to think what _she_ might be feeling? No. He only thought about what he would say to her when he got back.

"For once I wouldn't have minded if you had actually come to me to talk about _you_. I mean normally all you do is spew a ton of bullshit when you talk about yourself, but you never talk about your past or any of your passions or the things that just define you. I'm not one to pry, but Dave," Salem pulls away a little and looks at him with glassy eyes. "I want you to talk to me about these things, especially if they hurt you. I want you to trust me enough with these things like I trust you."

Time sorta stopped for him. Not like if he were to actually stop time himself, but in that way that humans normally describe when something dramatic happens to them. He is lost in her words, by her feelings and sentiment. It's like being wrapped up in a warm blanket at night knowing that everything will be okay, a safe and flexible feeling.

"Friends share stuff like this with each other, don't they?"

His eyes widen. The unnatural reflex that had made him want to cry earlier came back stronger than ever, this time influenced by pure emotion rather than harsh ones.

Salem had called him her _friend_.

He pulls her back in and clings to her. His vision blurs and for the first time in forever tears came pouring from him in such odd relief. A weight he hadn't realized he had been carrying slips off his shoulders.

"I owe you one," he sobs quietly. " _Thank you._ "

* * *

 _Hnnghhhhhhh as I wrote that last bit the most perfect music came on and now I'm dying a little on the inside because I AM FEELING THINGS. Look up Ninja Storm 3: Tiny Life and then go back and read that last bit and come join me in this pit of infernal feels._

 _Disclaimer: Don't Own Homestuck_


	18. Schemes

_The Condescension:_

She rubs her jaw, feeling it swell where the human had punched her. She had not been expecting that, yet she was rather _pleasantly_ surprised. She admires the nerve of that human. Admires and hates it.

But the information she received out of the exchange as a whole is priceless.

Often she has encountered various people with their own pitiful forms of defense. The one that particularly intrigues her, as well as currently comes to mind, is the kind of protection between two people with a _very_ special bond. Particularly the one when two lovers are trying to save their partners at the same time from the brunt force of the opposition.

The human had done so selflessly, without a thought or care for herself it seemed. The look of outrage on her face through pain and fatigue betrayed how deeply she cares for the vampire. Then the predictable move followed after the boy finally realized it was a trick and he pushed the human behind him. The determination to protect changed him in a matter of moments.

A patter she never fails to notice in her prey.

 _Lovers, huh?_ She smirks. _Getting what I want will be easier than first expected. People in love are stupid, and will agree to do anything._

She paces the room thinking up another plan, muttering to herself all the while. The mirror on the wall lights up and she pauses mid thought to answer it. Unfortunately it's the last person she wants to speak to right now. No doubt _he'll_ have a few opinions to say on the matter of revealing herself.

"Your Majesty," Dualscar greets curtly. She nods for him to proceed, knowing only all to well what a pain he is if he's left to stew and sulk.

"Now that you've made your _entrance,"_ he clenches he teeth just a little at the word. "what is it you plan to do next?"

It's obvious though that at the moment he is trying to be polite, despite his grievances.

"Did anything happen after I left?" This is more curiosity talking rather than a need of importance. There's always room for more evidence to back up her judgement.

"They embraced," he answers disgustedly. "Why does it matter?"

"Dualscar, when one Matesprit is stolen from the other, what do you expect to happen?" She watches him stiffen up at the mention of Matesprits. His luck in the Quadrants is a laughable failure, but she doesn't care honestly if the question insults him or not. If he can't answer a simple question without wounding his pride to get his answer then he is weak.

"The free Matesprit," he slowly begins. "would do anything they can to get the other back. Fight, negotiate, or even fully comply to the enemy's demands."

And it dawns on him. She can pinpoint the exact moment when the light bulb goes off in his thinkpan. A malicious smirk creeps up on her.

"How do you expect to snatch the human though? I'm relatively certain you big reveal will cause them to heighten security," Annoyance enters his voice once more and yet again she wonders if he'll ever get over himself.

"I'll have to make a few calls to round up reinforcements. You'll have to prepare to receive some guests," she says thoughtfully, tapping a finger on her chin. If the children are going to put up a fight, which they always did, then she's going to finally have to call in the big guns.

" _Them?_ " Dualscar straightens up and narrows his eyes.

"Well unless you expect the lowbloods that aren't imprisoned to comply then of course _them_ ," She sighs in exasperation. _Cod_ he could just be so thick sometimes. "Besides, they owe me favors, and if they wish for the immunity to remain on their grubs then..."

She trails off. Though Dualscar serves her regardless of the welfare of his grubs, other highbloods needed a little bit more incentive to do her bidding. One in particular she knew of course would do it anyways just because he would get to destroy things. Her generosity of course has no qualms with letting him tear apart a measly human Hiveground to get a Pet.

"It's going to take some time since they're all scattered doing jobs, but prepare for them nonetheless. I will redirect the route of my ship and set course for your destination," She leaves a moment for Dualscar to say anything, but all he does is acknowledge her with a curt nod of his head. It's enough and she promptly cuts communications with him.

Quickly she strides from her room and makes her way to the center of her ship. There are drones there that man the basics and mechanics, but the one she needs to address is her main pilot and prisoner. The Helmsman is her navigation, entertainment, and battery. He's the reason she can get anywhere in the world faster than anyone. He's one of the best trump cards among many.

She pushes the door open with such force that it slams against the wall with a loud clang. None of the droids react much except to stand at attention while continuing with their jobs. She homes in on the back of the room where it's covered in pink tendrils. A male troll is wrapped up in all of it, his head bowed to his chest.

She stalks up to him and waits for him to look up in acknowledgment of her arrival. His stubbornness is still a persistent feature in him, though, and he keeps his gaze riveted to the floor.

"Chart a new course for Chelan, Washington. Make transport quick, but not overly so. I want to arrive around the same time that the others will too," She commands. The Helmsman scowls, but does her bidding anyways. Slowly the large ship tilts as it turns out of it's current docking port.

Smirking, she turns to leave.

"Care to explain your sudden change of mind, your Royal Bitchiness?" The Helmsman speaks the scathing question with a worn out, raspy voice. There's an echo of a lisp clinging to his words. She ignores his rude remarks, already having grown accustomed to his vulgar nature.

"We've found where those brats are hiding. I thought you'd like a last look at your grubs before I cull them for their insubordination," Casually she glances over her shoulder to observe his reaction. She had never promised his children immunity. The Helmsman had to be forcefully brought in for service after all.

His head jerks up and the pink tendrils tighten around him to prevent a possible escape. A cruel grin tugs at the corners of her lips. _That's_ the look she loves to see.

Concern, rage, fear. All mixed into one lovely batter and contorting his features in the most interesting way possible. She loves how he looks ready to tear her apart.

"You _shit stained old hag!_ " he whispers. His voice builds up to the point of shouting every obscene thing that filters through his thinkpan. His eyes spark and crackle as his psiionics flare to life. The ship jolts and veers sharply to the left. She barely manages to keep her balance.

"STOP!" She yells forcefully. It causes the tendrils to tighten their hold on him to the point where he's screaming in pain. His sparks fizzle out and he pants heavily. The ship powers down little by little.

She walks back over to him and crouches, grabbing his face and forcing him to look at her. Her hands become tainted with the sickly yellow sweat of his blood color.

Her voice is low, deadly even, as she addresses him. "Your continuous outbursts are becoming a nuisance. How would you like it if I made your boys join you in your job instead, hm? Would you like that?

"How long do you think they'd last? Who would be the first to shatter? Would it make you feel better to have them dying beside you instead? I have plenty of options for you Helmsman."

He shudders, but remains quiet. He's in an inescapable situation no matter how he looks at it. The only thing he can do is submit and obey and hope she will be lenient. The only thing she _wants_ him to do.

"There," Her tone of voice changes to one coated with sugar and she smiles sweetly at him as if there hadn't been a problem in the first place. "Now set a course for the new destination. We've got a date to make."

* * *

 _Whoops, there goes Condy again makin her assumptions about relationships. XD Welp, the next few chapters are going to cover a few more concerns I need to address and then we'll head onto the main battle!_


	19. Jojo Figures It Out

I rub my face tiredly while trying to not yawn. I had stayed up for as long as I could manage with Dave last night. That means pretty much until dawn. It makes it a bitch to deal with school for eight hours, but what came out of our late night excursion makes this exhaustion worth it. I mean, we had actually _talked_ for the first time. Like yeah we've talked things out before, but this had been different. I call it a heart-to-heart but Dave insists that it had been a feelings jam. Either way we ended up learning more about each other.

Dave had been 'made' in the year of 1616, almost a decade after the first colonists had landed in America. His full name is David 'Elizabeth' Strider. (Dirk had a sense of humor when he'd been the one charged with taking care of Dave.) He had grown up with colonists, and had been lucky enough to live in an area that was pretty much always cloudy. Although that didn't mean the colonists actually liked him or Dirk. He had always been bullied because back in the day being albino was considered a mark of the devil. But he'd found peace when Dirk had brought home a new pet; Lillith. By then he was experiencing the vampire's equivalent of puberty and let's just say that he had been a pretty raunchy sucker. Then his story about her began to collide with Dirk's story and I decided that he didn't have to tell me everything. But after Lillith had died and a few centuries down the road he'd transitioned into an ass and had been very... _active_ in a lot of certain movements and their benefits. His favorite decades, in which he did not fail to hide his pleasure, had been the 60's and 70's.

In exchange I told him a less detailed version of my life story simply because I didn't have four centuries on me. I was born here in Chelan. I grew up with my parents telling me to learn whatever I wanted, and I had chosen to learn about Monsters. I had always been fascinated with what others disgusted. I tried to have friends, but their parents didn't like me. So I spent my time alone outside and searching for the creatures, pretending they'd take me on adventures like Alice in Wonderland. That only ostricized me even more from my peers and they bullied me out of fear. That just cemented my mindset and made me hate them. When I was five I had decided to either become a rights activist for Monsters or else a medic for them. When I was seven my parents died and the bullying just got worse because 'a Monster killed my parents and yet I still liked them'. From then on my downward spiral into cynicism and sarcasm deepened and I had to deal with peers and my own family being assholes. The only one I actually liked has always been Aunt Jojo.

In all honesty it felt pretty damn good to get this stuff off my chest. We talked in extensive about our interests. Dave likes photography and making music, I like volunteering to work with animals and charting down new info I receive about Monsters. It left me filled with relief and warm fuzzies. I can still feel it now while I sit in the final hour of Hell waiting for the bell to ring.

" _Psst, Salem,_ " Jade nudges me a little. My eyes snap open. Woah, when did that happen? I could have sworn I was still awake enough to see the board just a few seconds ago.

Jade nudges me again and I sit up a bit straighter. She snickers a little.

"You've been out of it all day, is Dave draining the energy out of you that much?"

"Try did he even let me go to sleep," I mutter. "What about you? You haven't exactly been Ms. Perky either you know."

She doesn't respond to that. Both her, Jake, and Eridan have been pretty high strung today and I can only assume it has to deal with what Dirk had informed them of when he had disappeared. The Condescension, the tyrant Queen (or one of the more powerful ones in the Monster community anyways), is coming to town. Or is in town. God I don't know.

The quick low down I had received is that the Refuge for Monsters (a.k.a the Hive) has more meaning than just being a place for the different species to come hide from humans. It's also a place for Monsters to hide from their own kind. This Condescension lady is trying really hard to spark a war with the human race, but these guys don't want any of it. That kinda puts them on the map for being targets as traitors or something. Pretty shady shit honestly.

The bell finally rings and I stand up stiffly with a loud groan. There's the awkward shuffle for the door and then we're free to pick up the pace. We pass a long mostly in silence until Jade abruptly stops to examine a flyer on the wall.

"Oh, the school's going to have a dance after Spring Break," she says thoughtfully. "And it's an open ball theme."

She turns away from the poster and keeps on walking. "If I wasn't so stressed about current problems then I think it'd actually be pretty fun to go. I know some others back at the Hive that would want a break like this. What about you Salem?"

"I wouldn't know what a school dance is like. No one bothers to ask me out, and I don't ever want to go so...," I shrug indifferently. Jade's slight distraction towards the upcoming dance is probably good for her. I mean, cut down on the stress by daydreaming a little, you know? Not that she should be utterly distracted to the point of no return, but enough to still be sane. I can't say the same for me though just because I've given up on the population as a whole.

"I'm sure if you mention it to Dave he'll be more than happy to accompany you," Jade giggles. "Especially if we can remain undisturbed to the dance's date that is."

I blush a little. "What? No way. I'm not going to bring it up with him. Besides, that's a huge if anyways."

Jade sighs. "Yeah I know."

We hop down the stairs and catch up with Eridan and Jake.

"When is Spring Break by the way?" Jade asks suddenly.

"Next week I think," I stop and realize the dance which we had been talking about not that long ago will be soon after that. Plenty of time for someone to "accidentally" tell Dave about it. Oh god I hope no one does otherwise I think I'll just go die right now.

"Spring Break? That's a week long of no school," Jake sighs happily. I nod in agreement, but I'm still concerned with worries of someone telling Dave about the dance. But on the other hand no school means I can probably sleep.

"Isn't there a dance after the break?" And of course Fishdan brings that up again. At least he's asking it more as a passing thought rather than seriously considering it. His interest in the dance though shows just a little bit. I think the idea of a social gathering that requires a partner might still slightly be a thing for him.

"Man these guys sure have it easy," Jake sighs. Then he jumps back to his happy attitude and pumps his fist in the air. "So what are we going to do now?"

"Well I'm going home. You guys can come if you'd like," I shrug. Personally I just wanna sleep and procrastinate on homework, but we can always try for a round two of meeting Aunt Jojo. Sometimes I get lucky and she's off work early. There's a chorus of hell yeah's and that settles the matter.

* * *

I open the door to my apartment and we all shuffle in.

"Welcome home, Salem!" Aunt Jojo calls out to me from somewhere in the house. I grin, happy that I was lucky to guess that she'd be home early today. The trio with me stiffens slightly, fully alert.

"Jojo, where are you?" I yell back, slipping my sneakers off and further traveling inside my home. I throw my backpack onto the couch and my friends slowly follow after me, relaxing.

"Right here. I actually have something I want to talk with you about," Jojo pops out from the kitchen with a smile that quickly morphs into an O when she sees that I've got company with me.

"Oh."

Quickly I pick up the slack, saying, "These are my friends from school. Jojo, this is Jade, Jake, and Eridan. Guys, my Aunt Jojo."

They each step forward and shake a bewildered Aunt Jojo's hand.

She looks between me and them. "Friends?"

I grin and nod.

She snaps out of it upon my genuine conformation and smiles widely, gesturing for them to make themselves at home. "Well you three must be pretty special then. This is wonderful! How come you've never introduced them to me until now?"

"Timing's just been off is all," I shrug. "Do you guys want anything?"

Eridan opts for water while the other two politely decline. I reach for a cupboard and pull down a cup, filling it with the requested water. He takes it when offered.

"So what is it that you wanted to talk about?" I ask as I turn around and grab me a cup as well.

"Well I wanted to talk to you about Dave," she starts off slowly. I frown a little at her tone.

"What about him?"

She takes a deep breath. _That_ can't be good. I look over my shoulder in concern. What has the idiot done now?

"When were you planning on telling me your boyfriend was a vampire?" she blurts. The cup in my hand falls into the sink with loud clattering. At that moment Eridan had decided to take a drink, but the question surprises him so much that chokes an spits it out. He coughs and splutters while Jake starts pounding on his back.

"I made an assumption didn't I? Oh dear I went about this all wrong. I apologize for startling you," Jojo hurries to get Eridan a paper towel. Her apologies quickly make up my mind for me. I knew I wasn't going to be able to keep this from her forever.

"How'd you find out?" I ask quietly, turning around to lean up against the counter. Jojo freezes as she hands the towel to Eridan. Carefully she turns around to look at me in shock. I can't quite tell if she had been serious about this from the beginning or not with that look on her face.

"So...he _is_ a vampire then?"

I slump a little and facepalm. "Jojo you went out on limb with that question didn't you? What if he hadn't been one?"

"I-I did do a little research," Aunt Jojo apologetically shakes her head. "I mean, he wasn't showing up in certain photos and I was mostly going off of a rumor I had heard but..."

"Wait, that moron actually let you take pictures of him even though he _knows_ non-reflective lenses are only just becoming a thing?" Jade asks incredulously. Jojo stares at her in confusion. Jade sighs in exasperation and throws a hand up as if to say she's given up. She might as well, the secret is out.

I move forward and take Jojo by the arm and guide her to a chair before the poor woman falls over.

"Alright, funny story time Jojo," I laugh nervously. "After that party you took me to got crashed, Dave took me back to this place called the Hive. At the time I fully hated his guts and he made me his pet, yadda yadda. The couple thing has just been more of his cover story to explain why he hung out with me."

Aunt Jojo's mouth drops to the floor and I pick up the pace a bit more.

"The Hive is a Refuge for Monsters. These guys are actually from there and that's pretty much where I've been hanging out with Dave all this time. I promise that they're actually good guys though! I even joined a club with them!"

Okay so maybe mentioning the Anti-Dave club is not a great idea but I'm starting to panic just because Jojo hasn't said anything. Then again I'm talking too much and too fast for her to get in a word edge wise. Jojo looks at each of my friends with utter shock written all over her face. I bite my lip, an anxious feeling pooling in my lower chest and slowly filling the cavity up. The silence carries on to the point where I think I might just drop dead from the pressure.

Finally Jojo comes out of it and asks, "So then...what are all of you exactly?"

A harmless question. No maliciousness or terror. Perfectly normal. Perfectly curious. Everything is going swimmingly. No need to panic!

"Jake and I are Wolfbloods, but I'm the only one that can transform," Jade seizes the opportunity and engages in the casual conversation as a type of peace treaty. Information on them in exchange for not getting sold out hopefully.

"I'm a changeling. I normally look like this," Eridan morphs his skin color and grows a pair of lightning shaped horns. Aunt Jojo lets out a little gasp. I hope I'm not reading too much into it by thinking it sounds a little in awe.

"And there are more of you?"

They nod. "Friends our age and siblings slightly older. Some have been here before us. You'd be surprised out how often you actually walk by a Monster," Jake answers.

"And where is this...'Hive'?"

They glance uncomfortably at each other before Jake responds again saying, "We can't exactly say since we're trying to keep it hidden as much as we can. We can take you, but..."

Which reminds me... I should probably let Dave know about these changes.

I fidget with the ring a little while my Aunt starts getting more comfortable with the Q&A session.

 _Uh, Dave?_

 ** _Salem? Thank god what happened? I suddenly had this overwhelming attack of dread and I got worried._**

I blink in surprise. He had responded the first time. His level of worriedness has me worried that he's so worried.

 _Yeah, well, um, you see..._

 ** _What?_**

His tone turns sharp and the relief disappears.

 _My Aunt found out you are a vampire because your picture didn't have you in it._

 ** _Whaaat?_**

 _You heard me._

 ** _And?_**

 _Well right now she's entertaining a Q &A with Jade, Jake, and Eridan. She wants to come to the Hive._

 ** _Is she like...PO'd? Terrified? Neutral?_**

 _She's surprised to say the least. Beyond that I can't really tell. But she should be okay, I mean she liked you well enough before the beans got spilled._

 ** _So... Do you think she might be cool then?_**

 _It's possible. Are you gonna get your ass over here and find out yourself?_

As soon as I think it he comes. Aunt Jojo gives a surprised squeak and clutches her chair.

"How is it you can come into my house without permission?"

Dave must have been anticipating this question because he's got an answer raring to go like a professor honing in on his lecture. "That rule is mostly void nowadays because everyone is living on shared property. And if this place _wasn't_ then the fact that you did give me permission to come around whenever would do the trick."

"Oh," Same Aunt Jojo. I've been wondering the answer to that mystery for the past month. Now it's solved and it feels like the most anti-climactic resolution ever.

"So...um...," I shift awkwardly around. Jojo looks between me and Dave with a calculating look.

"Well are you going to take me to your hangout or what?"

Dave leaps into action, offering his hands to both Aunt Jojo and me. I'm used to it by now, and I take it naturally. Aunt Jojo hesitantly takes it now unsure of what to expect. The next second we are gone.

And then back again in the Hive; the Mess Hall to be exact. There's already a crowd milling about, but they stop when we show up. All the attention is immediately riveted onto Aunt Jojo, since I'm common company.

"Guys, this is my Aunt," My voice echoes weakly around the quiet cavern. "She, uh, figured it out."

I keep glancing between her and the group. She seems rather shocked to be seeing so many Monsters in one particular place. Everyone seems just as equally emotionally zapped to see her. The silence drags on and on until one brave, bubbly soul decides to step forward and introduce herself.

"Hello Ms. Jojo! It's really nice to meet you. My name is Feferi," The mermaid princess bounces over to us and offers her grey hand to Aunt Jojo. Dazed she takes it and shakes vigorously.

"Just Jojo is fine...," She starts to come around a bit and even manages to return Feferi's smile. I relax completely. She's taking this a lot better than I had hoped for. Everyone else eases back into normalcy and come forward to introduce themselves, some more tentatively than others. Gamzee even gives her the introductory hug he gave me. And when the Mayor shows up she loses her shit just like me and begins to coddle him.

The setting shifts rapidly into it's normal friendly atmosphere.

"Well that went better than expected," Dave sighs in relief. I nod.

"Salem!" Aunt Jojo calls, having drifted further into the ranks of my friends. I perk up and walk over to her. "How come you never told me about this? I would have loved to meet these people sooner."

"Sorry Jojo," I shrug. "I just wasn't sure how you'd take it is all."

I mean, I know she's good hearted and lives by a strict code of kindness, but... Society sucks and I wasn't entirely sure how she would handle this situation is all. Now that she knows it's actually a huge relief.

She turns around and puts a hand on my shoulder, looking me square in the eye. "Salem, I honestly don't give a damn if you make friends with Monsters or Humans. Just as long as you aren't compromising yourself for them then I will be happy for you no matter what."

 _Dammit_. I think I've got something in my eyes. I lean in and hug my Aunt. She's too good, too pure for this world. I'm so glad that she's here for me.

Aunt Jojo pulls away after a few minutes of family bonding and claps her hands. "Well, since I barged in unannounced then I will make dinner. Where's your kitchen?"

* * *

Dave and I are dragged into making enchiladas with Aunt Jojo as a semi-punishment for not telling her about the whole Monster thing. Not that we particularly mind the task though. Enchiladas are delicious as fuck and fun to make. And with a bit of music playing from Dave's phone, it's like we've got our own mini party going on.

Once they'd been put into the oven then things really start to... _cook_.

Dave grabs my hand and pulls me closer to him.

"What're you doing?" I ask suspiciously. He's got this dopey lopsided grin that says he's got a ridiculously dumb but fun idea. It reminds me of a dog that wants to play and is going to get its way by making its presence known.

"Nothing special," he responds casually. He takes my other hand in his and we begin to twirl around. I laugh just a little.

"Nothing special, huh? You mean to tell me we aren't dancing?"

He stops and dips me. "Nope, it's just your imagination."

I pretend to swoon as he pulls me back up. "Oh Mr. Strider you certainly do know how to charm your way around."

"What can I say? It's all natural and just for you babe," Aaaand he just lost any brownie points he may or may not have earned. I scowl at him and he laughs knowing exactly what he did. Cheeky bastard.

In the back of my mind I faintly hear Aunt Jojo muttering under her breath about how she wishes she had her camera. Heat flashes up the back of my neck, no doubt swirling in my cheeks. I avoid eye contact with Dave by looking at his ear- not quite human, but not fully pointed either. More like a gentle curve that meets at an angle rather than rounding out. Unfortunately those ears work too well, for he had heard my Aunt as well.

I sense a moment of dread as he let's go of one of my hands to remove a phone from his pocket and toss it to Aunt Jojo. "Take a picture and capture this!"

Dave's quick, pulling me closer to his body. His hand pushes on my lower back to make me arch away from him so he can lean down. Automatically my head tilts up so I can stare at him, catching traces of red behind his shades. I had no way to prevent him from swooping in and kissing me.

My mind hits a blank spot and _nothing_ gets processed. _WhatthefuckwhatthefuckwhatthefuckWHATTHEFUCK?!_ What is going on? What is he doing? Why is he kissing me? Oh my god is he smiling? Why is he doing this? What happened to my personal space? Why does this actually appeal to me? How is he actually not that bad a kisser? No wait he's like four centuries old and has had plenty of flings that's a stupid question. Wait why am I pursuing this train of thought?!

Like a fast forward button is pushed along with several panic responses I push away from him with a gasp. Aunt Jojo squeals and makes a lot of not so helpful sounds that resemble a chipmunk on helium. Yet again the Flames of Hell accost their services as my personal sauna.

"Wha-what was that for?!" I splutter indignantly. Dave's dopey grin shifts into his usual asshole smirk of satisfaction.

"Well I had to one up you for your daring actions before. I believe that this marks it as my win yet again?"

I can feel my blood pressure rising and a strangled noise wheezes from my body. That idiot! He didn't have to do that when he had _already_ one upped me! He did that just to tease me again! There's not a comprehensible enough comeback in the world to save me now except for stuttering out "Y-you idiot!" at him.

"What's a matter Salem?" He covers his mouth in mock surprise. "Don't tell me that was your first kiss? _Gasp,_ it was wasn't it?"

I whirl around. "Do you see the bullshit I have to deal with Aunt Jojo? He acts like he's king of the world and it's-"

"Sexy as hell? Come on Salem, admit that you liked the sample I provided you with," Dave cuts me off and tries to wrap his arms around me. I jab my elbow into his gut and storm off. I can't help running my fingers over my lips as I leave though, the feeling of his colder ones pressed against mine still lingering. My exit is as majestic as one of a fleeing girl can get. Unfortunately it just so happens that there has been someone loitering about at the entrance. And that someone is none other than spider hag herself.

" _Well, well, well_ ," she drawls, looping an arm over my shoulder and forcing me to follow her into the Mess Hall. "You two are getting pretty serious in there. When's the wedding?"

"It's not like that!" I deny instantaneously, wholeheartedly. "He's being a moron, you should _know_ this."

The problem with Vriska dragging me into the Mess Hall is that everyone can hear our conversation. And everyone seems to be the intended audience; consisting of mainly a lot of my chick friends. And with chick friends comes the need to swoop in and hear every little detail.

Feferi is the first to take the bait. "Salem what's wrong? You look like you got sunburned!"

"Dave kissed her," Vriska informs matter-of-factly. Like flies to honey the convergence begins. The congregation of girls is now an inevitable doom.

"Did you kiss him back?"

"Are you two seriously going out now?"

"What kind of kiss did he give you? Was it a French kiss or a kiss on the cheek, cause those are two _very_ different things-"

"Stop!" I yell. My head is swirling at the assault of femininity and it's only adding to the still currently engaged panic responses. There's a moment. I don't know exactly what went down but I never got to finish any of my thoughts because someone _had_ to start it all over again by asking what was going on.

Of course that someone is just who I need to get me out of this predicament! Fishdan, finally returning from my apartment, to the rescue!

After multiple explanations at the same time he gets the gist of it and starts to shoo people away from me. "Alright leave her alone. Especially you and your shipping wall cat girl, _get_."

He chases Nepeta away specifically, but everyone else goes (albeit grudgingly) away. I think I can recall what it's like to have personal space, and a sigh of relief escapes me.

"Thanks Fishdan," He nods and leads me over to the conjoined tables. We sit in the same places as last time, just under friendlier circumstances.

"Take a moment to actually process to actually processed what happened before talking about it, if you want to actually talk about it that is," Eridan looks away slightly abashed. I give him a thumbs up and proceed to space out.

I cover my mouth and lean on the table. That bastard. Of all the stunts he could have pulled he went with the one that _reeeealllly_ invaded my personal space. Stupid fucking vampire with his stupid lack of boundaries. And now he's got double the points on me? How the fuck am I supposed to get him back for this without overdoing it myself and inviting him to do the same? Urrrrgghhh!

"Oh come on now, it wasn't that bad was it?" I jump as Dave pokes his head over my shoulder. He chuckles at my reaction, even harder as he sees me scowling. He's lost his communication privileges. I turn away and strike up a conversation with Eridan.

"Do you have any methods for eradicating pests?"

"Hey! I'm nothing but an angel."

Eridan looks back and forth between the two of us in slight confusion. But, obviously deciding that it's in his best interests, he picks up on the conversation like it's normal every day chit-chat.

"Have you tried Holy Water? I find that works best in most cases."

"Can't say I have. I'll have to look into it next time I pass by a church," Dave makes strangled noises behind me and I can't tell if it's from my remark about church or if it's the fact that I'm ignoring him. Either way payback is payback.

"Hm, though it'll make your breath stink, I suggest that if you don't want a repeat of the incident then you should eat a healthy dose of garlic," Eridan's starting to get the hang of this and we both can't help but crack grins. He glances behind me and loses his shit altogether when he see's whatever the hell Dave's doing. Fishdan turns away momentarily as he laughs.

Dave grabs my head and tilts it back so I'm forced to look at him. "Alright I get it! I'm sorry! Just, _please_ , don't do any of that."

"I'm sorry, did you say something?"

He grits his teeth, fangs bared in slight agitation. Slowly he reiterates and rephrases himself. "I'm sorry I kissed you and I won't do it again. Just please don't do anything with the Holy Water or Garlic!"

I smirk at him. "Who's win is it again?"

The dramatic shift in facial expressions is priceless as he goes from mild annoyance to complete and utter surprise. While yes I had been legitimately pissed at him for kissing me, it doesn't stop me from forgiving him when he so _eagerly_ provides an apology. For with willingness comes a removal of his pride, and when I get him to drop _that_ it's an opportunity I can't waste.

"You are a wily temptress Miss Salem," Dave gets a hold of himself and puts up the suave front again. "Why, I could just kiss you!"

"Can't, you just promised you wouldn't do it again," I point out triumphantly. He shrugs as if to say he tried. Gotta give him his props though.

"Dave, come back to the kitchen please. I need your help with the enchiladas again," Aunt Jojo's head pops around the corner of the Mess Hall's door. She flashes a grin when she sees that I'm getting along with Dave again. Cue the dramatic eye roll, but grudging smile. She's so weird.

"Yes ma'am," Dave bounces into a chipper soldier mode and he salutes her. Aunt Jojo giggles and disappears. Dave turns back to me.

He takes one of my hands in both of his and adopts a New Yorker accent from a long gone era. "So long Martha. Take care of the kids while I'm gone. I'll be back before you know it! Don't cry Martha, I'll always be with you here."

He dramatically pats his chest in the area he's claiming to have a heart. I scoff. "What the hell are you talking about idiot? Are you off to battle the oven or something?"

"Martha don't joke about things like that!" Dave remains in character, and even has a stoic expression to match the mood he's trying to capture. "War's a serious business you know."

"Ah, well if that's the case, go get 'em tiger," By now I'm struggling to keep my composure. Damn, when did he get to be so funny? "Make me proud soldier boy and deliver those enchiladas to justice."

"Anything for you Martha," Dave finishes his charade and leans in for a kiss. I shove him away, having given up on the no laughing policy.

He slips his phone out of his pocket and waves in teasingly at me. "At least I have evidence now that we have kissed. And if you want it gone you'll have to come and get it back yourself."

"What?! Dave give that to me _now_!" He sticks his tongue out and wags it around before bolting out of the room laughing. I leap out my chair in hot pursuit. God fucking dammit Dave!

* * *

 _Eh heh heh heh hehhh... Long time no update. Dave don't go proving Condy right or anything geez! But still,_ ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯ _fucking vampires amiright?_

 _Or should I say_ ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) _fucking vampires amiright? XD lol forgive me for I have punned and deserve to be pelted with Swedish fish. But anyways, casual reminder that this still has not changed to a romance fic! I do not intend for anything more than friendship so don't be fooled by the upcoming chapters. And feel free to drop a review or two ;)_


	20. Boy of the Moon

I tap the edge of the mirror like water. This is the same place I've been coming to for a while now. The silver moon up in the sky, weeds of a meadow in my peripheral, same little boy waiting at the edge for me. I'm finally starting to get used to this oddly reoccurring dream.

The boy crouches near the edge of the water, staring at me intently, waiting for one of us to break the silence. We've both previously established that I was the only one that couldn't speak verbally. And I can't get past the water, but he can. It's an interesting twist to the rules of my dreams. I wonder what the force is that drives how this domain works?

I study the boy for the umpteempth time. He's familiar to me. I'm absolutely positive that I've never met him in my life, yet it's like I've known him for forever. He's friendly and polite enough to say the least. Aside from his eager usage of sarcasm, but I can't say that I mind it.

 _Who are you?_ I've asked him this a million times, but he refuses to answer me this. In return I have refused to give him my name. However it's becoming a bit tiresome having him refer to me as a drowned witch. That's just honestly creepy. The boy shifts in acknowledgement to my words. His red eyes stared intently at me. If they were a fire I'm sure I would have two holes burned into me. They're gorgeous eyes. I can't help but feel drawn into them. It's enticing and alluring in a way that only a Monster's enchantment can be.

"Who are you, little drowned witch? We can keep going at this for as long as we have to you know," He tucks his arms in between his chest and legs, cupping his hands around his chin to get comfortable and prove his point. His voice is clear, a little high pitched-though he is trying to make it sound deeper and more mysterious- but resolute. My hands automatically fly to my hips and I squint at him hard

 _Little? You're one to talk shorty. And for the last time I'm_ not _a witch._

"Your memory must still be defaulty. Don't worry, you'll remember that you died someday," Okay this is just getting ridiculous. How often did this kid deal with drowned witches exactly? Is there like a queue and he's just the witch whisperer, going around and releasing their chained, tormented soul? Pretty grim for a kid of the early centuries.

 _Look, right now I'm asleep. At home. In my bed. And I'm from a COMPLETELY different time period anyhow. I'm just a normal human being okay?_

The kid studies me extra hard, scrunching up his nose and squinting like he's trying to see the finer edges of me. Skeptically he asks, "So you're astral projecting through time then?"

 _...You know that is a cool theory I'd be more than happy to discuss at any given moment, but like I said, I'm just a human._

"You'll grow into your powers then and realize your potential," He nods sagely, completely ignoring what I just said. Are you fucking kidding me. This kid, despite how cute he is, is a rather insufferable prick that thinks he knows it all sometimes. I lean into the mirror water and glare at him. The ticks of a grin trying to be contained are much more obvious. Damn brat is pulling my leg!

 _You're a little shit, you know that?_

"If I understood the insult I'm sure I'd take it as a compliment," He laughs, shifting to hug his sides and bury his face in his knees. Okay, I've gotta give the kid his props, mostly just because he's too adorable for me to not. But if I can ever get past the water then I will smack him upside the head for this.

After a moment he calms down, looking up and wiping his eyes with a sloppy grin on his face. "I knew you weren't from this era, my specialty is Time after all. But you're just so fun to tease I couldn't help myself. Let's start over, but this time I'll ask you the question: Who are you?"

Well it's about damn time I get some answers around here.

 _My name's Salem, and you are?_

His nose wrinkles up and he frowns. "You're named after that awful place? And here for a while I did think you were a drowned witch. What horrible irony that would have been."

 _My parents had an odd sense of humor when the named me after the Witch Trials hometown. If it really bothers you just call me Lemon like some of my friends do. Now give me your name kid._

"What's a lemon?"

Okay he's not getting out of this so easily, but I guess since he's so far back in time I can indulge him in this tidbit of knowledge.

 _It's this yellow fruit that's really sour if you eat it plain. Most people make it into a drink around summer time to help cool down._

"You don't look like a yellow fruit," he says skeptically. "And you seem pretty sweet for something that's sour."

This kid is fucking smooth. _Too_ smooth.

 _You have not been hanging out with me for very long,_ I comment dryly.

"Point noted," He shuffles forward just a bit so the toes of his shoes hung off the bank and crept into the water just a little. Carefully he reaches out and touches the water where my hand is and pushes down. His cold skin brushes along my own and he grabs my hand. He tries to pull me up and out of the water, but we both get stuck in between the water and its surface like it's a natural barrier. This frustrates him, but he doesn't let go of my hand. Instead he holds onto it a little bit tighter and settles for resting his chin on his arm. A frown creases his face and he looks like he's thinking really hard.

 _What's your conclusion Doc?_

He's quiet for a second, and then, "Well first off I'm not a doctor. Second I don't know what this is."

He nods to the water. I shrug because I can't give him an answer either.

 _Anything else?_

"I'd have to ask my brother but...I don't think he'd like me talking to an unexplained phenomena."

 _Oh so I'm an unexplained phenomena now?_

The deadpan look in his eyes as he stares at me tells me that this should have been obvious from the beginning. I roll my eyes. This kid sure has a lot of cheek, that's for certain.

The boy looks over his shoulder, hearing something with his sharp ears that I couldn't, and then back to me. "Speaking of my brother, we should probably go. He's coming."

He releases my hand rather reluctantly and dries it on his pants. I don't really want to leave just because of his brother showing up, but I get it. Even Monsters couldn't always trust their own kind, and in this era everything's a lot more...wild. Untamed. Even if I am just a human, suspicions can still run high. And I've got this feeling anyways that it's almost time to be waking up. However if I find out I've still got time to sleep then I'm gonna be so pissed.

 _Well, see ya around then kid._ I give him a two finger salute before beginning my ascent/descent/screw fucking directions back to waking reality. Faintly I catch a very shy whisper in goodbye.

And only just before I wake up do I realize that I still haven't gotten his name yet.

* * *

"Salem, hold still please," Nepeta peeks around her canvas to give me a pouty look. She had pounced on me not long after I came back from school. Since she hadn't gotten her chance to do my portrait before, she wasn't going to waste any more opportunity when she saw that I was free of a certain Dave Strider.

"Sorry," I mumble. "Never had to do something like this before."

"It's fine. Nobody likes sitting still for so long unless they're asleep," She giggles and returns back to her work.

There's not really anyone else in the Mess Hall to compensate for noise level, and the static from silence is kinda irksome, so casual conversation it is. I curiously ask Nepeta, "How long have you been doing art?"

" _Fur_ as long as I can remember I've always loved painting," A hint of nostalgia enters her voice as she answers. "My family is full of artists, actually. My sister is really good at charcoal sketches, and my mom..."

She stops just a little, clearing her throat. I frown just a little. Is there something wrong with her mom? She clears her throat again and continues just a little bit quieter than before. "My mom was a _gurreat_ writer. Her stories really captured the emotions of the heart and she knew how to make words connect with a person's soul."

"Do you want to pursue a career in the art field then?"

"Mmhm! I think it'd be wonderful if I could attend a university and get my degree, but with things heating up on both sides of the rebellion then I don't think it's all that safe for me right now."

I frown but nod anyways. It's not fair honestly. She should get the same opportunity to go study her passions just like anyone else and not have to fear for her own safety. She'd probably be able to make it big time as an artist based on some of the samples she's shown me. If she said that her mother's _words_ could connect a soul with feelings, then Nepeta's images could steal the soul and make it become the feelings.

"What do you want to do, Salem?" Nepeta brings me back down to earth and the conversation at hand. I blink in surprise.

Once upon a time I had my goals in life written on a piece of paper and memorized to a fine point. "I was thinking of a medical field that dealt with animals, not specifically a vet or anything but..."

But the thing about Nepeta not being able to go to college in concern for her safety has got some old job choices surfacing back to mind and erasing those goals written on paper. When I was a kid I had big aspirations. And by big I mean it caused me to get bullied a lot. But in a way that can be considered training for the job right there. Being a right's activist is a hard knock life, and being one for Monsters is nigh on difficult these days. Hearing and seeing this problem though is like a spark hitting the coals and igniting a long dead flame.

"Oh yeah, you did say that you've volunteered at a pet shelter, right? Do they have a bunch of Meowbeasts there?"

I grin a little at her name for cats. "Yeah. They've got quite a few there up for adoption last time I checked."

It's been awhile, but no one comes by to adopt all that often.

"Really?" Nepeta perks up a bit and peeks around the canvas again, this time rather excitedly. Now _that's_ the look of a cat lover. I nod and she returns happier than ever to her project. In a few minutes she puts down her brush and turns the canvas around for me to see.

" _Wow,_ " I breathe. Each stroke blends well with the next. The palette she had chosen is mostly a bunch of shades ranging from black to the more shadowy skin tones. The real spark of color came from the red of Dave's Mark. Each contour and shape of my face somehow form a detailed and interconnected whole. The background, a light grey-ish green, seems to make my portrait pop with a glow.

Nepeta peers over the top of her canvas and points to my smile. It's small and gentle, a little hesitant. It hits me with a bittersweet feeling. "You remind me of this one song by Maroon 5. The one where he sings about standing out in the pouring rain to look for the girl with the broken smile? I think it sort of fits the side of you that people don't catch often.

"But you're getting better from what I've noticed. I think that this mostly comes from thinking really hard about someone or something."

She wiggles around in her seat and gives me a chesire grin. I know exactly what she's thinking, and I should probably put my foot down now before she goes any further, but she actually does have a point. I have been thinking about someone lately. A couple someones, but at the moment it mostly revolves around that kid I've been dreaming about. Nepeta sees the change and suddenly becomes the wily detective of the evening.

"Who could it be? They must be _purretty_ special if you're thinking about them so much."

"It's not like that Nepeta. It's just," I pause, wondering if she'll think I'm crazy or something for what I'm about to say. "I've been dreaming a lot about this kid. I don't know him, but it's like I'm connected to him somehow."

Nepeta nods knowingly. "It sounds like you've found your way to a dream bubble. Those are bubbles that contain memories by the way. Maybe I can draw the boy for you and we can figure out who's memory it is you keep visiting."

That's...actually not a bad idea. I scoot the chair closer to her and she squeals like she hadn't been expecting me to accept the offer. Nepeta puts my portrait down and trades it for a nearby sketchbook. She flips it open to a blank page and leans over to grab a pencil off of her easel. In no time at all she's poised and ready to begin drawing. I launch into a detailed assault about the Boy of the Moon.

* * *

"And what are two lovely ladies such as yourselves huddled away in this corner for?" An arm wraps over my shoulder and Dirk pokes his head between mine and Nepeta's.

"Just drawing something for Salem," Nepeta answers distractedly as she shades in the boy's eyes. Yet again her skills amaze me. Even without my help I feel like she could have drawn him from her own memory.

"Oh cool what are you draw-," Dirk leans a little closer, angling his head more towards Nepeta so he can see better. He stops short mid-question. Dirk tenses, frozen in place and captivated by the sketch.

"I've been having dreams about this kid a lot recently. You know him?" I ask. Something about him seems off, so I've gotta watch him carefully.

Dirk doesn't respond for a moment, and then, "Nope. Never seen him in my life."

My eyes narrow at the obvious lie. Nepeta's head tilts, ears flickering at the change of tone in his voice. Dirk's arm slides off my shoulder and he backs away.

"Well don't let me get in the way of your fun," He's too chipper. Dirk knows something, but why isn't he saying anything? We watch him leave suspiciously the way he had came with his hands laced behind his head.

What is he hiding?

* * *

 _Dirk:_

It finally took them long enough to get started. He sure as hell knows what's going on. It's like a process, a ritual, a ceremony-whatever the hell it wants to be called! He knows what it is, but Dave and Salem aren't going to. Boy are they going to have an interesting time these next coming days.

 _How long until it decides to pick up the pace and they Collide?_ he muses. Collision. It's the key component to deciding how exactly the Mark will define a relationship. Between him and his brother, he's the only one that knew what the hell would be going on. Dave's never experienced it before, due to unfortunate circumstances of the past. Salem, obviously, hasn't experienced it before just because she's human. And of course only one vampire to a Pet.

He's only ever actually experienced Collision twice, but they're memories he'll never forget. Once he had developed a heightened sense of awareness, a feeling he associated with the Pet that had actually been a very skilled teacher. The other had been a connection of love. Each Pet was meant to mean something different for them. Dave's first shot with Lillith had been ruined, but he's certain it would have become romantic. Whereas for him if Lillith had lived on then it would have been a bond of friendship.

But with use of certain clues he knows that the bond between his little brother and Salem is going to be emotional. He could tell from the way Dave always seemed concerned for Salem.

 _She deserves to be happy bro. I look at her and I just want nothing more than for her to have a smile on her face and mean it._

Dave's words float around in the back of his head as he contemplates the possibilities for the duo. Two outcomes are highly possible: They could either be the best of friends, or they could be the best of lovers.

Whatever it is, he can only hope it's what they'll both need.

* * *

 _SighingDreamer I hope that answers any questions_ _you might of had about Collision! If you still have any questions you're going to have to PM me since there's a bug on the site that's making the reviews not viewable at the moment. But hopefully that can get fixed soon. And if any of you guys still have questions or something then my PM is open to everyone ;)_

 _Disclaimer: I will never own Homestuck, but I will forever own my little disgruntled teenager._


	21. Girl of the Sun

_Dave:_

"Dave, what even...?" Salem questions him in confusion as he drags her into what he has ingrained in her mind as his 'personal bat cave'. She's been hanging out with him all week since Spring Break started and it's the best fucking thing ever. Today's exploits are only going to take it a step further.

"Movie marathon geez Salem get with the program," He pulls his prep girl voice and rolls his eyes even though she can't see them.

"Oh well _excuse_ me Mr. Strider, I didn't realize we even had a program."

He stops and turns to face her, slightly lowering his shades so she can see how 'serious' he's being. "What do you think we've been doing for the past few days?"

"Dinking around like a couple of stupid teenagers, what else?" Salem throws up her free hand and rolls her eyes with a sassy grin. His serious expression cracks and he slides his shades up his face. For a few extra seconds his stare lingers on her happy expression, drinking it all in. But quick as the moment had come it left, and he scoffs.

"I'll have you know I am a few centuries older than you," He chides her with gentle teasing, letting go of her hand to attend to his glorious tv stand. Salem moves around behind him and plops down on his bed. To be honest though he did have a reason to be doing all of this. For her safety it's just best if she remain where he can see her, or at the very least _find_ her. He doesn't want to risk any stray encounters that the Condescension might send their way. It already has him on edge that she hasn't struck yet.

"Alright _old man_ , what are we watching then?" Salem asks loudly, as if she were talking to someone losing their hearing. He turns around and scowls at her.

"Old, not deaf."

She flips on her side and smiles sweetly at him like it was an honest mistake that anyone could have made. He sticks his tongue out and returns back to his project.

"It's one of the hottest flicks of all time. One of the _greatest_ films on earth," He snatches the the movie case off of the stand and whips around to show it to her, a goofy grin planted on his face. " _Twilight_."

"Oh fuck that I'm out of here," Salem makes a move to get off the bed but he had been expecting this reaction. With a mighty leap he pushes himself off the floor and crashes into Salem, wrapping his arms around her waist and falling back onto the bed again. He pins her mostly in place, but she wiggles around making it difficult to actually keep her there.

"Come on babe, it'll be worth it! You gotta watch it with me," he whines.

Salem wiggles out of his grasp, ducking under his arm. She's almost made another great escape when he manages to get his arms around her midsection again and he clamps down tighter. Salem hisses. "You know I hate love triangles, and Twilight has one of the worst ones!"

He leans forward and whispers with a voice like silk into her ear. "Well if you don't wanna watch a movie we can always- _ummph!_ "

Salem's bony elbow rams into his ribs.

"Alright, alright!" He laughs. "We won't go there today. But I'm making you watch this movie with me, we'll critique it all you like and replace the dialogue with our own. How does that sound?"

"That's not really a fair trade off but I know you too well by now and you aren't gonna drop it," Salem sighs and goes limp in his arms. With a victory ' _yes!_ ' he lets go of her and returns back to tv duty gleefully. Quickly he shoves the disc inside the player and flicks the tv on. Spinning on his heels he jumps back onto the bed and crawls with Salem towards the head so they can get comfortable. Though it's not necessary, he pulls her close to his side and rests his arm over her stomach. Salem's head finds its way to the spot just between the ball of his shoulder and collarbone. He couldn't help but grin as he leaned over and dimmed the artificial lighting until it's almost dark.

A series of previews flicker across the screen, but it doesn't take him long to catch the sounds of slowed breathing, or feel the change of each rise and fall of her breath. He rolls his eyes and smirks.

 _Sub-goal complete_ , he chuckles just a little. He would have had to of been blind to not see how tired she was. While yes he did want to do movie marathons with her he also knew that the things he wanted to do were pushing Salem beyond her normal, human limits. So like a good friend he devised a plan to take care of her. Pick a movie she'll find absolutely boring or distasteful and just let her fall asleep on her own. A genius plot if he did say so himself.

He looks down at Salem and his smirk softens and turns into a small smile. A bit of her wavy hair had fallen over her face. Carefully he brushes it out of the way.

She really is just too cute when she's asleep.

With minimal movement, so as to not disturb the sleeping girl, he takes off his shades and sets them aside. For some reason whenever Salem fell asleep near him he can't help but feel sleepy as well. It's odd, simply because he doesn't need sleep, but it's something he's been looking forward to for a while now. To be truthful he actually really liked sleeping near Salem ever since the first time he had done it that night he had tried to make things up to her. It brings him a sense of the most curious peace, almost as if he himself were actually warm. And he really likes how comfortable it is she's gotten when around him. Salem hardly ever stiffened up at his touch anymore. It made him feel bold, and want to hold onto her more.

Slowly he tips his head and rests his cheek on her head. Her scalp is warm, and the scent of her shampoo wafts up to his nose. Lavender-Lilac, how relaxing.

He drifts off, not really paying attention to the movie as he did so. In moments he finds himself in a familiar field of gold. A hoard of butterflies spring up around him and scatter every which way.

 _No wait- those aren't butterflies, they're fairies!_

He stares in awe as the tiny creatures flutter away. A kid who had been hiding in the nearby tall grass leaps forth angrily.

"You moron look at what you did!"

He looks down at the kid he had dubbed as McShorty, much to her annoyance, and grins. She rants and raves at him, continuously wiping her dark hair out of her livid blue eyes.

"You scared them off! Do you know how long it took for me to find them in the first place?!" She folds her arms over her chest and puffs her cheeks angrily, a tinge of red swirling in her cheeks. She looks very pissed and it's incredibly hilarious! He stifles a snort, but fails miraculously so.

"I'm sorry McShorty, but I just can't take you seriously," He bursts into raucous laughter which earns him a powerful kick to the shins. McShorty runs off back into the field.

"Hey wait come back!" He calls after her still laughing. The girl, of course and as always, refuses to listen to him. He shakes his head and starts to walk off after her. Every few minutes he calls out to her, but she never responds. After a while he began to get a little worried.

The vegetation to his right moves and he goes in that direction. "He con on now, don't be like that. I was just teasing you a little. I'm sorry!"

"I'll be like whatever I want you jerk," Suddenly she flies out of the weeds and tackles him. They both go down, kicking up dust as they struggle against each other. Luckily he knows a thing or two about winning a wrestling match; when in doubt of your opponent just tickle them. Wise words provided by himself to himself.

He wraps an arm around her and traps her firmly against him while using his fee hand to tickle her side. She squeals and begins to kick him again. He switches between laughter and little grunts of pain. _Damn_ her kicks are powerful.

"No fair you cheater! Lemme go!" She tries to keep the laughter out of her voice -boy does she try- but he knows he's got her. He's about to start in on more teasing when he catches sight of something that oughta make the kid happy.

"Hey McShorty, look over there," he whispers, dragging her attention to something just ahead of them. She squirms in his grasp until they both end up on their stomachs in the dirt. She tucks her arms underneath her and watches with utter fascination. The object of interest is a group of colony workers- a breed of fae that didn't have wings- going about their business in leafy green garments. They couldn't be more than a few inches tall, but to the kid her expression said they could have been giants for all she cared. He senses the kid-in-the-candy-shop euphoria emanating from her with strong satisfaction. That itself is fulfilling in its own way. She just strikes him as the type who should get what she wants, but can't because everyone else is too stupid to see she isn't doing any harm.

"They're so cool," she whispers in awe. "Just look at how advanced their systems are! And so effective too!"

He chuckles lightly. "You really like Monster stuff, huh?"

She nods her head and continues to study the littles intensely.

"Well I'm a vampire," he blurts. She turns to look at him like he had just told the dumbest lie ever. He hadn't ever told her this just because of that tiny fact alone. And then there's also the deal about it being full on day time right now and he isn't burning crispier than bacon.

"Lemme see your fangs then," She demands skeptically. He rolls his eyes but opens his mouth. McShorty leans in close and studies his chompers, even forcing his mouth open just a bit more.

" _Shee anyhing you yike?"_ He tries to not bite her as he talks. The kid lets go and backs off with a rather satisfied grin. It seems that her monster sightings quota is being more than fulfilled today.

"I've never had a vampire for a friend before," She sounds rather pleased with herself for achieving this, not even the slightest bit afraid. "But how are you not withering away in the sun?"

"One of us must be dreaming then. But between the two of us, it's not you," He takes off his glasses and winks at her. She gasps and giggles.

"You're funny."

"And you're cute," She's just too easy to tease; McShorty blushes at his compliment.

"I-I have to go!" The girl gets up abruptly. He pouts and she squirms uncomfortably. "But I'll be back tomorrow though, promise me you will be too?"

She holds out her pinky, on foot nervously twisting in the dirt. He lightly smirks and takes her pinky in his own.

"You got it McShorty."

* * *

The sounds of _Fall Out Boy_ pull him back to waking reality. Salem shifts, blinks, and slowly sits up. His arm slides off of her and hits the bed with a dull thump. Stretching a little bit Salem pulls her phone out of her back pocket. Hitting a button she tiredly answers the call.

"Hello?"

He catches Jojo's voice on the other line. " _Just calling to check in on you. What'cha been doin' over there?_ "

And suddenly a brilliant idea, so brilliant and bright that not even the rays of dawn itself can beat it, comes upon him and hits him the force of a speeding truck that he has to stifle a snicker. Salem will totally kill him for this, but it'll be _so_ worth it.

"Nothing much really," Salem makes a move to get off the bed.

He grins and moans in a tempting way. " _Baby come back._ "

She freezes and slowly turns to stare at him with ice and fire in her eyes. He hides half of his grin in the cup of his hand, wiggling his eyebrows at her.

"If you leave the bed will get cold, _come back_ ," Her cheeks turn a beautiful shade of ruby red and she leans over to hit him.

" _What's going on?_ " Jojo asks suspiciously with a slight tinge of concern to her voice. The woman is smart for getting to _that_ point so quick.

"Nothing Jojo! Dave's just being a moron," Salem gives up on the endeavor of hitting him and tries to leave again. He practically slithers over the sheets of his bed and latches his arms around her waist. Slowly he inches up and buries his face in her neck and murmurs sweet bits of candy coated promises of the things he could do to her. Her skin flushes and exudes a tempting heat. Playfully he nips her neck and she gasps in a manner that's not so helpful to her cause. He repeats the action with a grin.

She squeaks while pulling the phone slightly away from her ear. "Fuck you!"

"Isn't that what you were going to do?"

She is _beyond_ too easy to tease. Jojo makes a choking noise on the other end of the line and splutters something in disbelief.

"What- NO! Jojo, no! Oh my- HELL NO! How could you- Jojo- JOJO!" Salem's skin feels like fire under his cheek and he starts to laugh silently, burying himself in the crook of her neck. On the other end of the line Jojo is torn between trying to be the reprimanding guardian and the just-so-long-as-you're-being-safe-I-won't-stop-you guardian. It's so comical that his stomach is actually starting to hurt.

"No, Jojo stop! Stop! We are _not having sex!_ " And he loses it, falling backwards with a cackle. Salem turns around and slaps him. He rolls away as the assault continues, laughter increasing as he hear's Jojo's utter astonishment turn to embarrassment. Then the woman apologizes and hangs up.

A few minutes of silence envelopes them, minus the part where he is trying to calm down his laughing, and Salem stares at him with murder in her eyes. "Dave?"

He glances at her, wiping a few stray tears from his eyes and snickers at the oh-so-scary expression she sports. The combination of livid embarrassment really does make for a good murder mask. "Yes babe?"

"You better start running if you don't want my hands wringing your sorry ass neck!" She lunges at him and he falls off the bed to avoid her. Grinning he gets to his feet and complies, taking off as if his life _might_ actually depend upon him making a successful escape.

* * *

 _Can I just say that when I first wrote this chapter I legit could not stop laughing at myself for stooping to Dave's level? Even better was the fact that I was in class and it was dead silent so I really couldn't laugh out loud and that just made it funnier. So hopefully you found it as funny as I did._


	22. Collision

"Salem, we have called this meeting in the Anti-Dave establishment because we are concerned," Sollux stands from his swivel chair after having majestically turned around in it. I roll my eyes at his employment of over dramaticness. This "council" he's called together is really only him, Aradia, and Karkat. The others can't be found or bothered right now.

"Sol, I have been nothing if not a hell bringer for Dave," I sigh in exasperation.

"Yes but the amount of time you are spending with him is beginning to have an effect on you!" Sollux jabs a finger at me. "He's rubbing off on you. Sooner or later he's gonna try and convince you to go rogue!"

"Sollux if I can hang out with Dave for as long as I have and still remain dead inside then she's fine. Can we go now?" Karkat snaps, folding his arms in irritation. Sollux throws his hands in the air and looking like we just offended his father's brother's cousin's uncle twice removed. Then he returns to pointing to me and he takes on a serious tone.

"Fine. But no sloppy makeouts, or hugging, or se-"

"Woah there dad," I hold out my hands in mortification. I chase Dave all over the Hive yelling at him for being a dolt and pulling a stunt like that and now everyone's gotta turn it into a joke. I still have yet to live it down, even at the end of Spring Break.

Aradia puts a hand on his shoulder and she shakes her head at me with a grin. That's how I know that this meeting was just meant to give me shit.

"You win this round asshole," I scoff, making a move to join Karkat in his trip to Can Town.

* * *

" _Salem,_ " I look up from my game play with the Mayor, searching for the familiar voice calling to me whilst being thoroughly freaked out. The kid is only supposed to exist in my dreams! Am I suddenly hallucinating? Maybe I should go lay down.

"Salem!" I practically jump, knocking over a building of cans as the voice yells at me in a less mysterious and ghostly way. I look over to the door of the cave and see the little brat hugging the rock frame with dorky grin on his face. He waves for me to follow and then disappears around the corner. I stand up and make a move to follow him because like _hell_ am I just going to let this incident pass without an explanation!

"Where are you going?" Karkat demands.

I don't pay much attention to him as I take off, shouting a hasty reply over my shoulder. "Chasing a kid, be right back!"

" _Kid?_ There aren't any kids here!" Karkat yells after me even though I've pretty much tuned him out by now.

* * *

 _Dave:_

He stares at the ceiling, twirling his shades on his index finger. His thoughts had become increasingly occupied with someone. A very specific someone. He didn't really even process the fact that he had been thinking about her until...well he realized he was thinking about her.

Her. Salem.

She made his head feel funny. Good funny, weird funny, just funny. It's like a mixture of fondness and amusement melting in a pot to make warm goo. He honestly can't deny that he actually likes the feeling. Likes that it's associated with Salem. If he could feel like this all the time because of her then he wouldn't mind it one bit. If it could be like this for eternity then he'd probably be the best off vampire that ever did roam this planet.

He really likes that idea.

"Dave!" He jumps when a small face is shoved into his. He almost lashes out, but stills himself when he sees the girl's cool blue eyes. Raven hair falls over him like a curtain, gently tickling his forehead.

"McShorty? What are you doing here? _How_ are you even here?" he asks in confusion. She giggles and pulls back so he can sit up.

"Something big's gonna happen, but I'm not allowed to say," She put her fingers to her lips with a grin. Then she spreads her arms out and falls backwards with a light _whump_. He squints and tries to figure out her words. What's gonna happen? Why does she need to be here? Did he fall asleep and not realize it? Because McShorty can't be here unless he's asleep, so he's gotta be asleep. He's about to pursue an interrogation when the kid strikes up a conversation in a completely different ball field.

"So who were you thinkin' about? You had a _dreamy_ look on your face," She chatters away like her being here and everything is perfectly normal. "Was it about a girl? Is she pretty?"

He blinks and recovers, shoving aside the intense need to question her about the existence of life itself. With a smirk he lightly teases her. "Calm down McShorty, you're taking my breath away."

She laughs.

"Yeah I was thinking about someone, and yes she is very pretty. _Gorgeous_ even, though she'll be pretty quick to deny it. You know McShorty, you kinda look like her."

He studies the kid closely. Dark hair curls gently around childishly rounded cheeks which are turning red from his compliment. Her eyes are the same shocking blue- clearer than crystal and colder than ice- that he practically craved to see everyday. He stops breathing as he gets lost in the thought of her eyes.

"Do you like her?" The question is quiet, yet meant kindly. He snaps out of it, eyes widening as he stares at the kid in shock.

"You know what, I think you're onto something," he murmurs hazily. Could this be why he couldn't get her out of his head? Why lately he's wanted to do nothing more than just be around Salem? Why he actually felt, well, _human?_

There's a knock on the door and McShorty bolts upright to exclaim excitedly, "Answer it!"

He looks between her and the door curiously, getting up off his bed to go open the door.

* * *

"Yo kid wait up!" I wheeze as I chase after him. The boy's silvery hair bounces around and he looks over his shoulder with a cheeky grin. I think I may have also just caught sight of a tongue sticking out at me, the little turd!

"Can't catch me!" he cackles, picking up speed and turning sharply down yet another hall.

Are you fucking kidding me.

"Oh it's on," I grumble. I run after him already pushing it on fumes and deadening legs. Once I get him then I'm _so_ gonna let him have it!...After I come back to life that is.

For about another ten minutes he leads me around the Hive until I begin to recognize the area.

Why the hell is he taking me to Dave's room?

"Hey," I gasp while clutching my side. "You have to tell me what's going on or I swear I'll make your time here a living hell for making me run all over the damn place."

 _Again._

He doesn't respond, just turns down another hall and stops in front of a door. Well not _a_ door, _the_ door. Dave's door.

I slow down and keel over with sounds that suggest I'm on my death bed, this cold and hard ass floor. The stitch in my side grows every time I move and I can't remember what it feels like to have a normal pulse. Or legs that function.

Once I'm done with my death rows the kid crouches, tucking his arms in like always and resting his head on his hand. He stares at me intently, like he's still trying to figure me out. Finally he asks, "How do you feel about him?"

"Huh?"

"The guy on the other side of this door, how do you feel about him? I-I know how he feels about you...," The kid falls silent and he looks away like he's slightly abashed. I blink in confusion. How do I feel about Dave? I like him well enough. He can be a pain in the ass at times, but it's nothing I can't handle anymore. He's my dumbass yet also not so dumbass friend. My friend that's somewhat appealing to the eye... And a good singer... Also funny as hell... Someone I can trust whenever it is I want to talk...

Wait where exactly am I going with this?

"He's my friend," I shrug, trying to not let the fact that my thoughts may or may not have been leading me down a beyond reflective path show. The kid nods like he's been expecting that answer. It might have just been my imagination, but he kind of looked a little sad. He stands up and turns on his heel so he's squarely facing the door.

"Then shall we get you an answer about how he feels?" he asks just before he knocks on the door. After a moment Dave answers.

* * *

 _Dave:_

He gasps slightly when a mini version of himself runs into the room after he opens the door. McShorty cheers in delight and he turns to watch the two meet each other halfway. They reach out to each other and he notes how they intertwine their pinkies before their hands, like they are making a promise. Then they're both racing back out of the room with joyous laughter. They fade away as soon as they pass over the threshold. He swore though that he could still hear them laughing as if they were now just an echo.

"Did...I just see...a mini me?" Salem asks in confusion. He jumps, suddenly realizing that she's here. She shuffles inside and sort of shuts the door behind her. It doesn't catch and it swings away just from the frame just a little.

"If McShorty was you then...," Then he really did just see kid him. What's going on?

"The other kid was you?" Salem finishes his thought out loud. "How even...? You know what, not now. Kid you asked me a weird question and then said something even weirder about you."

Oh _god_. He swallows hard and frowns slightly. What embarrassing thing did little him say?

"Dave, how do you feel about me?" A wave of nervousness washes over him. Salem stares at him, searching his face with those blue gems. He stares back, trying to find answers in them. There's curiosity, and a slight fear in what she might hear. But there's also a compassion and trust there telling him that she'll listen to him no matter what. Without really thinking about it he steps closer to her, trying to recapture that feeling of safety he always felt when near her.

"I feel a lot of things, a lot more than I did in the beginning when we first met."

 _Good enough place to start, let's not fuck it up now Dave._

He stands in front of her no more than half a foot away, maybe even less. She's just so short, and not for the first time is he realizing that he actually stands a ways above her. Salem's head tilts back to get a better look at him. His gaze slides between her eyes and her lips, and as poor timing he remembers how much he _enjoyed_ the first time he kissed her.

"I'm not sure what it is about you, but I like it," He's practically whispering, and his throat feels almost oddly dry. "I-I like _you_. Is it ironically wrong? Maybe. Do I even deserve you? Probably not. But can I stop myself? _No._ "

He reaches out with both of his hands and cups her face, gently pulling her in towards him. Her eyes widen, but she doesn't pull away. She seems captivated by the moment almost. He continues to dare again and leans down. Softly he kisses her, feeling the heat from her breath wash over him. Her lips are tender and he goes deeper, tempting for a little more passion. He wants her. _God_ does he want her. If his heart were beating it would be for her. For his friend.

A wave of thoughts and emotions collides within him.

* * *

I stand rooted to the spot. I saw it coming. I saw it in the way his body language shifted as he walked over to me. I saw his hands moving, saw him leaning in, but I didn't stop him.

Maybe I wanted him to kiss me again. I don't know. Maybe it's just this overwhelming feeling in my chest that's preventing me from functioning right. Elation, nervousness, shyness- all of it and it's not _mine_.

It's his.

It's everything Dave is feeling right now. Like he's pouring out his heart and soul into this one kiss, cold lips pressing against my own in a way so tender I never thought him capable of. There's this hint of a promise for me. It says _I can take care of you if you will just let me_. _I'll love you with everything I've got, to the ends of time._ These feelings aren't mine, and yet it's almost like they could be.

There's this possibility. This option. It's there, a love for Dave. I can sense it, almost see it, feel it. All I have to do is reach out and claim it as my own, leaving the rest to go down in history. But I'm hesitating.

Somewhere during this self evaluation we had sunk to the floor. I lean back on my arms, hesitating in my response to him. Do I...Do I kiss him back? A moment passes and I warily test it out, returning his gesture but barely so.

I'm hit with some internal force, like a wave. It collides with my very being and mixes with my thoughts.

* * *

 _Dave:_

He can hear her. She's like a tiny voice that's lost in the dark. All her worries, her feelings, her memories. They wash over him and he drinks it up, losing control and pushing deeper.

Faintly he catches the shift in Salem. She tentatively kisses him back. Unsure, confused, curious. Those weren't his feelings, but hers. And they felt like they could be his. She thinks the same about his own emotions, but she isn't sure if she wants things to be that way. Does _he_ really want them to be?

Yes.

No.

Maybe?

He tries to keep his thoughts separate from hers. _I like you,_ he thinks hard and hopes it reaches her.

* * *

 _I like you._

What do I do? I'm so confused.

* * *

 _Dave:_

 _What do I do?_

It's hard. She doesn't know how to feel. What it is she should do, how she should react. It's nothing she's ever seriously given thought to. Something she thought she might never have to. And now it intimidates her.

 _I'm hoping that maybe you might fall in love with me,_ he responds.

* * *

Love, huh?

From someone not family? How does that even work, honestly? Am I even capable of that? How is it anyone in their right minds can look at me and see a potential lover? It's scary. I've gone so long the way I have that now I don't even know how to cope with this sudden change. I've never been given something like this. I thought I never would be. I thought I'd carry on like always...alone.

There's this flash in my mind, and suddenly I'm at a crossway. I see Dave walking down one path already, little snippets of the life that we could lead if I chose to follow him playing like a movie. It's romantic and promising but...it doesn't feel right, even as I feel a slight yearning to follow after him. I peek at another path and see that it's almost the same as the first, yet it comes off as more friendly. I glance at another path only to find it darker than the others. It drags me into it wordlessly to see what it holds for me.

All around me are things familiar and things not. It's a home- my home- somewhere else. But there aren't any pictures on the walls, not on the bookshelves or the cabinets, not even a scrapbook. It's barren. There's no warmth in the air. No general feeling of kindness. It doesn't even feel like _home_. It's all emptier than before. No friends. No family. Not even a pet. They're all gone, leaving me alone.

Alone and terrified of it.

I snap out of the weird realm, pulling away from Dave. I stare into his eyes, beautiful soul filled rubies, and find them filled with tears. Some escape and run down his pale cheeks. He stares at me, not in a hurt way, but shocked. My vision blurs. Hot tears well and cascade in a torrent. Each one seems to represent everything I felt when I had stepped onto that path; the flurry of terror and loneliness overpowering me. How scary this possibility of loving Dave is now.

Because if I love him, I can lose him. And I don't want that. I don't want that at all.

I stand up and bolt out of the room, hiding my tears with the back of my hand.

* * *

 _Dave:_

He had turned around to see her walk down that dark path. He tried to call out to her, to stop her from going, but it had been too late. He saw it through her eyes, felt the emotions well up inside of her and then tear her down. He wished he could help her, but she had chosen to look at a possible future. Unfortunately it was one that corresponded with a fear that even she did not know she had.

He grips his chest, overwhelmed by this chasm that has been ripped open in him. He can't hear her thoughts anymore, but he can still feel what she is feeling. Salty tears burn like a fire in his heart and he weeps.

* * *

I stumble around the halls, leaning heavily against these walls that I have found to be so beautiful. It's hard to see anything through these damn tears but they won't stop coming! I want to scream yet all that comes out is a low whine. It's like my heart is drowning itself and I hate it. I can't breathe. _I can't breathe. I can't-_

"Salem there you are- Oh my god what happened?!" I don't need to look up to know that Karkat is the one who found me. He must have come looking after I disappeared. I reach for him and stumble.

"I _c-can't_ ," I sob. " _I-I just can't!"_

He grabs my hand and pulls me up, looping my arm over his shoulder. "You're gonna be fine! Just breathe Salem."

Karkat leads me away from the wall on shaky legs. I lean against him and pant, trying to breathe like he said. He did exercises with me while he opened a door and leads me inside what appears to be someone's room; there's even an underground spring. But at the moment it seems that it's going to serve as my panic room.

"Sit," Karkat directs me to the edge of the pool where I immediately collapse. he slides my feet in and joins me at my side while I struggle to regain my senses. Gently he pats my back while making quiet shooshing noises.

While this is going on the owner of this bedroom returns, but through the pool instead of the door.

"Bloody hell what are you doing in he- _Salem?_ " Fishdan stops mid startled rant when he sees me with Karkat. His expression morphs instantaneously and with powerful strokes he's swimming towards me. I focus on his fins, helping that it grounds me, and watch as they propel him faster than if he were to just use his arms and legs. In moments he's in front of me. He slides his slick hands into mine, resting his wet arms on my thighs and leaning in close to take in everything.

"What happened?"

"Let her get her breath back before you start interrogating her, asshole. She just had a panic attack," Karkat snaps. I let go of one of Eridan's hands and hurry to wipe my eyes. The effort's wasted just because my hand is wet from holding onto Eridan.

"S-something happened with Dave," I give a shaky start to my tale despite that Karkat had tried to buy me some time so I wouldn't. The boys stiffen up, obviously already taking this the wrong way. I don't want them to think he's been a douche again so I quickly add, "He k-kissed me again."

"Again?!" -Karkat's exploding response.

"But-!"- Eridan's confused one since he was there when Dave said he wouldn't do it again.

"I kind of let him though," I mumble and they shut up. "B-but then I began hearing his voice in my thoughts and feeling his feelings. I-I just-"

My vice cracks but I have to get the rest of this out before I bawl again. "He likes me and I know that I could like him back like that but then I saw this crossway and there was one road that made me so alone. And I-I don't want that! Not after I f-f-finally made friends with you guys, and Feferi, and Nepeta, and-and Dave! I don't want to follow a path where loving him could leave me more alone than I was before!"

I gasp and start to cry harder. I pull my legs out of the water and curl up, still keeping my hands in Eridan's. Karkat's patting increases and all that can be heard for awhile is the sounds of my gross sobbing and the water in the spring lapping against the sides of the pool.

Finally, when I've quieted down enough, Eridan starts to talk. "It is a scary thing to recognize that you could end up more alone than when you first started, especially after making connections with others and realizing you could also like someone. But just remember that there's always more than one path for you to take. You said you were at a crossway, right? What other options were there for you?"

I sniffle loudly and look up, into Eridan's eyes. He gazes at me with an ernest calmness that I know just how much he's trying to help me get through this, how much he cares. A shudder runs through me just before I answer. "There were at least two other paths that I looked at. They were both pretty similar, but one was more romantic while the other was platonic and friendly."

Eridan nodded. "And which do you want?"

I look down as I think. While yes a little part of me _is_ attracted to Dave it's not enough to commit myself to a relationship. And I don't think I could handle it honestly. There's just too much I'm not ready for, and might not ever be. When I had looked down the path that made things platonic, I felt safer. Just like when I had told Kid Dave how I felt about him I knew it was right. Dave's my friend, and I wouldn't have it any other way.

"Thanks guys," I whisper, wiping my face with the back of my hand again.

* * *

 _Dave:_

He sits on the edge of the bed with his head in his hands.

 _I should go look for her, apologize,_ he thinks wearily. _But will she even want to see me after that? What if I managed to drive her away? What if she hates me now? Is scared of me? I fucked up with her just like I fucked up with Lillith, didn't I?_

His mind plagues him with these demons and he presses the heels of his hands into his eyes.

The door creaks and he looks up, blinking rapidly to clear his vision. Salem quietly shuts the door behind her and leans against it. Her gaze bounces between him and the floor. A bolt of guilt tears through him when he sees the redness rimming her swollen eyes.

"Say it with me now: It's not my fault Salem has emotional issues," She chuckles lightly. It always puts him off the way she tries to make him feel better about something _he_ did to _her_. It should be him saying things to comfort her. Not the other way around.

She crosses the short distance between each other and sits quietly on the bed next to him. He feels gravitated towards her, and he wants to lean on her, wrap his arms around her and hold her. But he restrains himself.

"I can't return those feelings," She says softly. "But I'll still be your friend. Will... Will you still be mine?"

He gives her a sideways glance. It's like she's offering the hand of truce again, but more hesitantly than before. She's worried about being left alone after getting a taste of a real friendship. In a way he can understand. He doesn't want to be alone after this either.

"I promise," he answers, holding out his pinky. "To never leave you alone, to always annoy the living hell out of you, and to be there when you need help."

A grin cracks on her face and he can't help but mimic it as she takes his pinky in hers.

"And I promise to listen to you when you have a problem, to keep you and your sinful ways in line, and to kick your ass when necessary."

They laugh, lightly bumping foreheads.

"Deal," he says.

"Deal."

Now he understands why the kid versions of themselves did what they did. Why they were even kids in the first place. Friendship is the purest and strongest when you're young, and bonds forged then are harder to break. This time they met each other halfway, just like the other versions of themselves did. A new wave runs through him, this time not sharing each other's thoughts. But the feelings are still there and stronger than ever. Warmth, hope, serenity. The sensation of being wrapped in a warm blanket fills him up and he can't quite stop himself from pulling Salem in for a hug, wanting to share it with her. She snickers and hugs him back, mumbling about how he's such a big goof.

"Not as big as you though," he teases.

"Shut up, asshole."

"That's Mr. Asshole to you," They burst into laughter and fall backwards onto the bed. They collided and sealed their fate together with a promise of friendship.

* * *

 _*_ _sCREAMING BECAUSE I DID SO MUCH EDITING ON THAT LAST PART AND NOW I'M REALLY FUCKING HAPPY*_

 _And now for the Action/Drama brought to you next chapter by the Condescension._


	23. One by One

_Events take place throughout the entire week._

* * *

 _Mindfang:_

She sets her first step inside of the puny human town in a manner so majestic and territorial it's a pity that there isn't anyone there to see it. The air here is cleaner than where she had been stationed before, and much more moist than that ghastly polluted and crowded city inland. Good god she hates Houston. A little town like this is indeed a refreshing change of scenery to her sore eye.

Her company will be anything _but,_ however. Her former Kismesis will no doubt be as unhappy to see her as she will be him. And then there are the renegades of the law which she loathes to the fiery pits of hell and back. All in all unpleasant company. Honestly she doesn't see the need for her to even _be_ here if they were only going to be retrieving one pathetic human in order for the Queen to make a deal with some brats.

She sighs. Unfortunately her brats are in this mess too, and she just might end up having to fight them. Under normal circumstances she would delight in fighting with her grubs, sort of like a rite of passage for them. But in this case the Queen would take all the fun out of it and make her do it outside of her conditions. It's not how she rolls and it disgusts her. Being told what to do just makes her want to _not_ do it.

In fact the longer she stands at the threshold of Chelan the more she just wants to slink away from the place. She most certainly doesn't want to join up with any of the other Highbloods- well maybe Darkleer won't be so bad but at the same time he's kind of weird- and she knows for a fact that no one wants to be around her. Already she senses that it will not take long for there to be conflict in the group. Sometimes she swears the Queen's judgement is either blind or clouded.

With a shake of her head she starts to flaunt into the town to meet up with Dualscar, making sure to keep her head held high. With a growl she softly says, "No use dawdling here poking irons in the flame if I'm not going to make use of them."

* * *

"JOOOHHHNNN!" I squeal, nearly dropping my lunch when I catch sight of my math spirit guru. Jade had hinted to me earlier that there would be a surprise for me at lunch. I was suspicious at first but now I. AM. FUCKING. STOKED!

"Saaallleeemmm!" John floats towards me in slow motion, holding his hands out trying to catch me. His face is twisted in a comical mixture of delight and overdramaticness. I glide majestically towards him.

" _Joooohhhnnn!_ "

" _Sssaaallleeemm!_ "

" _Jooooohhhnn!_ "

" _Sssaaallleeeemm!_ "

Jake chuckles and walks around us with Jade, sitting down against the wall. Eridan laughs lightly behind me and moves in the opposite direction of the other two. Jake asks in a mock whisper, "Do you think they're happy to see each other?"

"Not at all, considering they just saw each other yesterday," Jade snickers and starts to dig into her food. I set my lunch down and immediately begin to hunt through my backpack until I produce the worksheets I'm looking for. In all honesty I could have, _really should have_ , asked him for help on these while I was at the Hive, but something about getting distracted by Dave Shenanigans can make a person forgetful.

"The math homework! The math homework!" I mutter fiercely while urging John to join me. Happily he floats around and begins to solve problems left and right like the magician he is. _Math grade you are saved!_

"They definitely have not missed each other one bit," Eridan chimes in with the general teasing and we all laugh. I wave him off and proceed to save my grade.

After awhile John manages to help me solve everything and then he proceeds to move onto another topic of interest for him. Unfortunately it's a pain for me. "So I see that there's a dance coming right around the corner. It's this Saturday, right?"

Jade nods her head while I wither and wilt inside of myself. "You know I really do think we should take the opportunity to go if we can. What do you think Jake, Eridan?"

"If the week goes smoothly then I see no reason to not, though I suggest not letting our guards down," Jake pulls out a hackey-sack from his backpack and starts tossing it around. Jade follows it intently, her green eyes glittering with playfulness. "But who would you take John ol' chap? I was thinking I might ask Janey if she's not too busy, or maybe even Dirk."

Eridan cuts in. "Or we could all just go as friends and save ourselves a load of trouble with dates."

Jake tosses the hackey-sack over Jade to Eridan and he tries to catch it before she does. "Touche mate."

John flips upside down and scratches his chin, a slight blush coloring his cheeks. "Well I'd like to ask Roxy to be my date, but I don't know if I'd be interesting enough for her."

I straighten up immediately, a huge grin plastering itself onto my face. "What's this? Johnny boy has a crush on Roxy?"

His cheeks turn redder and he begins to spin around to show that he's flustered. "I-I guess yeah. Like, I've kinda always thought she's beautiful and really intelligent; a-and I really like spending time with her."

The more he speaks the more the attention is focused onto him, the redder he gets and the more I just wanna poke him for being such a cute nerd! I have seen them roaming the halls of the Hive a couple of times and talking about whatever abstract things it is they talk about before, and I also know that Roxy likes him in a more than platonic way just like he apparently likes her. Maybe Nepeta's rubbing off on me but I'd say that's a match made in heaven and needs to become canon. (Okay she might actually be rubbing off on me if I'm putting it like that, but come on they're cute!)

On one of his revolutions I reach out and boop his nose. His face scrunches up and his glasses start to slide off. "Dude go for it. She'll be so excited that you asked."

"Really?"

I nod earnestly. Cute nerd with the hacker witch is adorable and I'm gonna help them take a shot even if it kills me. In the name of Nepeta's shipping wall I will for them to become canon!

"Thanks Salem," John grins and turns right side up. He starts to circle me and immediately I become suspicious. People don't circle me unless they're expecting to trap me with a very conversation trapping question. "But what about you? Are you gonna bring this up with Dave? You know he'd probably be ecstatic to take you, especially since he's been in a pretty good mood lately."

"Absolutely not," It's not that I'm trying to be mean to Dave or anything, I just know the devil by now. He'll probably take it way out of proportion and tease me relentlessly until I accept. No thank you. I'll pass.

"Oh come on Salem, let Dave prove he does know how to be a gentleman," Jade teases. Then again it honestly does not matter if he knows or not because our mutual friends are doing one hell of a job at picking up the slack. But he can also find out from these guys which is slightly terrifying because I'm not ready for the showdown when he comes chasing me wondering why I didn't tell him about the dance.

"What if we were to just casually mention this to him?" Jake muses aloud, putting his hand to his chin and striking a thoughtful pose. He glances at me and winks with a smirk. That _little shit._

"Do. Not. Tell. Him!"

"I could call him right now and let him know," Jade opens her backpack and rummages around for her phone. I lunge at her and wrestle to take it away before she can do anything dastardly such as calling Dave and telling him about the dance. She laughs and holds me back with one arm. Damn she's freaking strong!

"Jade!"

She falls back laughing her head off. I tip over but manage to catch myself. Gasping she says, " _Salem your face!_ It's so red! Ahahaha!"

The heat in my cheeks finally registers as being there, which causes it to grow warmer and ultimately betray me. I hear a few comments about getting introduced to some cooked lobsters and I take off my shoes to chuck them at both Eridan and John. I scuttle backwards towards my stuff, furiously fanning my face in embarrassment.

"Not a word you Dave, you hear!"

* * *

 _Darkleer:_

He can sense the blood of his blood on this land. The noble blue that flows in his veins also flows in the veins of his sons, and that connection alone could allow him to find them if he so desired. This is a fact he has kept to himself, however. If the Queen knew about this then he would be forced to hunt his grubs down to the ends and bring the group they traveled with to a rather unpleasant end. At the moment he yearns to locate them immediately and vacate from the land before chaos ensues. He would risk exilement for it. As much as he can not resist performing the Queen's orders he also can not stand this disastrous plight. He has no real desire to fight anyone of the young ones to the point of slaughtering them, for surely that is the direction the Queen wishes to take this even if she has promised immunity for some.

But as his Queen orders, he will do.

He shivers in the chill of early spring. What an unpleasant place to be positioned in. Now he understands why Dualscar is bitter about it. He will have to make certain to put forth the extra effort to speed up the task delegated to him and some others. Unfortunately his orders are to wait for everyone else's arrival. He wishes he could have calculated when that would be, so he could have arrived at the same time. Cut out the waiting time in which he would have to spend here and with unpleasant company.

Still... He hasn't been ordered to report immediately to Lord Dualscar. Perhaps he shall indulge himself and browse through the human wares...

* * *

"Salem what is this about a dance at your school?!" Dave seizes me by the shoulders, catching me utterly by surprise. I catch a glimpse of John floating casually behind him, stuck somewhere in between trying to act like he didn't do anything and being a guilty little snitch.

"John you told him?!" I explode.

"Never mind what he did or didn't tell me! Why didn't _you_ say something about this?" Dave continues to keep my focus captive by blocking the view of John.

"I technically did not say anything to him. He overheard me asking Roxy out. She said yes by the way!"

"Oh that's great John," I look around Dave. I'd flash him a set of thumbs up but someone still has my arms pinned to my side. So the floating boy just gets an approving grin.

"Hey, don't ignore me! Why didn't you say something?" Ever persistent is the vampire. He kind of reminds me of a cat that gets mad at me for not rubbing it when I pull my hand away to take a break. Next thing you know he'll put on a leotard and do a little tap dance. Yikes, actually that's a terrifying image let's not go there.

"I don't want to deal with your teasing," I say. Except for it came out as a highly unintelligible mumble. He leans in and I lean back, flushing from embarrassment intensely. That results in a smirk that I would just _love_ to slap off his face.

"What was that? I didn't hear you."

I stick my tongue out and shake him off of me. Fat lot of luck that does because as soon as I turn my back he snakes his arms under mine and pins me against him. I try to brush everything off by teasing him. "You should get your ears checked then old man."

The lack there of of body heat Dave possesses seeps through my clothes and steals away what little I have. A shiver travels down my spine. Dave cranes his head down and whispers into my ear.

"Will you come with me to the dance? I'll be nice I promise," I blink in surprise. Okay this has taken a completely different route than I was thinking it would go. I look back at him and see a softness that I actually don't see all that often. It causes me to relax a bit. He's being considerate and that's rather sweet based on the fact that it this _is_ him. I shrug him off again and turn around to face him, taking a power pose by putting my hands on my hips and weight on one leg.

"How nice?" I ask.

Dave bows and offers me his right hand.

"Dear lady, you would be doing me a great honor by going to the dance with me," I catch a glimpse of his eyes under his blonde mop. They're a light with a cheery playfulness and a tiny little spark of encouragement. I can't help but think that it's not a bad thing to cave into his wishes every now and then. I suppose that this one's harmless anyways. It's just a school dance, and it won't just be me and him. We'll have all our friends going most likely once the news of this dance really starts to circulate around the Hive.

My left hand slips away from my hip and gently into his waiting one. "I suppose that if this is the length you'll go to when it comes to being nice then it's the least I can do."

He straightens up and twirls me. With a little cheek and a smug grin he says, "As you wish, my lady."

* * *

 _Redglare:_

She doesn't agree with the Queen's methods at all. There's no real system of justice to it. As a woman of the law this is important to her, since justice is logic. And the Queen's logic is flawed, therefore there is no justice.

But she's just here to do her job. Get a kid, beat up a few others, and wait for a surrender.

Illogical.

What about what the other side plots and thinks? How does the Queen plan to account for that? The other side could be more just in their decisions, and therefore in the right about what they do. Certainly that is the reason in which her children, Latula and Terezi, had left for. She had raised them to process things with an open mind but still stick to that which is right after all.

And not only is there the matter of how flawed these plans are, but of the fact that she will have to work alongside a criminal whom she longs to put behind bars. While Mindfang makes encounters interesting, she simply can't put aside the overbearing fact that the other woman just does not have the true law on her side. Another plot whole in the Queen's logic.

And then there's Dualscar to consider. A bitter man, extremely sexually frustrated and ruled more by his anger. She can see at least one reason to his grubs running away, and knew that even he had broken a law in that respect. To her this makes him a criminal as well. Then there's the fact that he and Mindfang are ex-Kismesis partners, and will make the both of them unbearable company combined. Then there's Darkleer, a brooding mechanic and also rather awkward altogether. He strikes her as the deserter type, but his logic amongst the group as a whole is the most sound besides her own, and she really can't blame him.

The last member of this unfortunate team... Well she works under him to say the least. The Grand Highblood is a judge, and a very cruel one at that. However his rulings often end up in her favor when she drags in the criminals, so there really aren't any complaints there. But involving him, as well as most everyone else, in a mission as ridiculously simple as capturing a human? All she really can do is hope the human never encounters him, and if it does that it has a good sense of humor otherwise it had better run like hell.

"This is going to be an unnecessarily long job," she mutters to herself with a sigh before walking into the town veiled with the cloak of night.

* * *

"We're going shopping," Kanaya declares boldly upon her entry to the room. The chatter in our group ceases at the mention of shopping. While there's an excited gleam in pretty much every girls' eyes, I've got a lump forming in my throat. This is no doubt going to be for the dance. I'm going to have to do more things I've never done before, and this is very dark water in which I have no clue how to swim in without drowning.

"I need to pick out fabrics and threads to make your dresses, and the boys' suits, and flowers for the matching corsages," Kanaya continues to list off thing after thing that she'll need. All I see is dollar sign after huge dollar sign and a big sticker that screams GIRL EVENT WATCH OUT!

"Come on Lemon!" Roxy pulls me up exuberantly. Everyone files out the door under Kanaya's lead and we journey out of the stop by the fabric store and spend plenty of time trying to decide what colors, types, and amounts of fabric we'd like for our dresses.

Since I'm no fashion expert then Kanaya is all over me. _Maybe a moss color would suit you best. Or perhaps a dusty blue? Rose what do you think- Oh a dark purple with black falling out at the ends would be marvelous!_

And so on so forth.

Finally she settles on a black silk fabric coupled with a red bow belt. Since Dave's my date then it seems only natural that I match him, according to literally _everyone_. I suspect that they don't realize that we aren't actually a couple and only just friends. This is going to turn out to be more problematic than I would like for it to be.

After this we go shoe shopping. What. A. Nightmare. If I thought my last time in heels was a disaster it does not compare to this round in the slightest. My face never wants to meet the floor of that store ever again, and my ankles highly appreciate me not trying to break them, thank you very much. Finally they just had to settle for getting for getting me black flats with little bows on them. I wish they had just chosen these from the start.

When that's over with it's on to the flower store. By now we have mad several trips back to the Hive to dump off the purchases. This will hopefully be the last round before we go back officially and delve into Kanaya's fashion show.

On a reflective note this is probably the most female bonding I have ever done in my entire life. It's rather exhilarating, to be perfectly honest. This level of bonding is pretty foreign to me. But it's not bad by any means.

Someone bumps into me.

"Oh sorry," I apologize. "I didn't realize I'd been spacing out in the middle of the walkway."

I look at the woman who bumped into me. Her hair is long and silky, a platinum blonde. It curls over her shoulders in an almost seductive manner. Her suit is a combo of casual and professional, a few buttons undone to tease anyone of what's underneath. But it's her eyes- er, well just eye since the other is covered by a cerulean patch- that really catches my attention. The look of a predator that loves to toy with her food is dangerously present in the gleam of her eye. It reminds me of a certain spider hag almost.

"It's no problem dear. A cutie like you can bump into me all you want," I blink, slightly perturbed by the flirting. The woman winks, plucking a small flower from her batch and placing it in my hair. While she does that she also brushes a few stray strands out of the way and trails her fingers over my skin. I resist the urge to shudder at the unsolicited contact, but a light blush heats up my face.

With a slight smirk she pulls away and carries on like she hadn't done a thing at all. I watch her leave, her hair bouncing and swishing gently after her. Once she disappears I snap out of it and scurry off to find someone to talk to. I spot Rose and head for her location.

"Salem, where did you get that flower?" Rose looks away from her examinations when I step up to her.

"I think I just got hit on by an older woman?" I say this like a question because it is still confusing the literal fuck out of me. The only one that ever does the hitting on is Dave, but even that doesn't compare to the confusion of being flirted with by someone else, let alone by someone of the same gender.

Rose smirks, "You'll know for certain if she comes back and gives you her number then."

Somehow this strikes me as funny. I laugh and Rose joins in with light chuckling. There's nothing to worry about, so I'll just put this lady out of my head for now and hope that it honestly meant nothing.

* * *

 _The Grand Highblood:_

He feels like he's late and that makes him irritated. There's no reason for this feeling to be present. He can arrive any time that he wants and it won't matter. Even the Queen won't punish him for a matter as trivial as _tardiness_. But still the feeling persists.

Most likely this is due to the long trip he has had. He was in the middle of a job when he had received the summons to come to this wretched hovel that humans called a town. It was something about crushing a rebellion in Mongolia, which took him a week to his dismay. Only for him to have to turn immediately back around and travel back to the States to carry out what really seems like insignificant business for him to be doing. Time's been distorted for him. The past two weeks have been a combination of long and short for him. It's tiring, which is annoying.

When he had first set his eyes on this small town he hated it. It makes him glad the Queen has given him the permission to obliterate it. Now if only he can do the same to that moron _Dualscar_... Fucker can't even make a joke let alone take one. It really pisses him off.

At least Redglare will be there to fill in the gap that everyone else opens up. Though he thoroughly dislikes her as much as he dislikes basically everyone he admires her perseverance to bring him criminals and her sadistic twist of humor. She'll at least keep him from strangling Darkleer, skinning Dualscar, and bashing in Mindfang's head. At least until they finish the Queen's job. Afterwards all bets are off and if he sees any one of those three then he _will_ follow through with his desires.

Currently, though, he has to focus on making his way to the meeting point. Once there they'll no doubt tell him the same motherfucking thing like he's so damn stupid enough to forget it: Capture one goddamn lousy human, beat up a few motherfuckers, expect a surrender, yadda-fucking-yadda. Same old shit as always.

He's gonna need one hell of a motherfucking miracle to keep him sane if he has to wait forever to go through with this.

* * *

 _Dave:_

"But just imagine it: Vampires being blood doctors and being able to sniff out the diseases. Sirens helping people with PTSD go to sleep. Nymphs growing flowers for patients that don't have anyone to bring them things. The possibilities are endless, Dave, if only they could get a chance!" Salem's eyes sparkle as she gestures wildly around her. She lays on her back with the sheets of his bed scrunched up like a pillow. He's next to her, but on his stomach and watching her describe things intently, soaking it all in. Her enthusiasm for this subject is contagious, and he finds that he just can't look away from the passionate glow she emanates.

He reaches over and pokes her cheek. "You're so adorable when you go full on nerd."

She bats him away and flips onto her side with a quirky grin he really can't stop himself from admitting is cute. "And you're a total dork for entertaining my rants with a sloppy grin."

"Alas the lady hast discovered my secret," He feigns falling over, clutching his chest like he has been struck. "But if it pleaseth the lady I wish to impart a grain o' my own knowledge."

"Go on good sir," She jumps on the offer instantaneously and he snickers at how quickly she had taken the bait as well as gone along with the improv. She's definitely getting better at the whole friendly business.

The transition of topics is a bit awkward, but he simply hadn't known how else to bring this up with her. He scratches his cheek and clears his throat.

"Well actually it's more of an offer really. You see, after Collision, that weird thing we went through with all the emotions and stuff, solidifies our bond, I have this ability to...hmm how do I put this? To preserve you life? I think?"

Salem sits up, crossing her legs. He grins at her peeking curiosity, finding it endearing. "Woah, wait how does that work?"

"I'm not really sure of the workings myself since Dirk's the one who told me about it, but there's this thing I can do with my element. Like, I guess I can make you immortal by freezing our age in time or something. Or maybe I can rewind your years. I don't know. It's a hell of a mystery to me."

"What can Dirk do with his element? Do either of you know?" While he has been anticipating her to ask about this it doesn't stop him from feeling a little jealous. Dirk had gotten the opportunity to explain a lot to her, a lot more than he had. But now he's gonna try and make up for it as much as possible.

He shrugs. "He keeps like a piece of the person's soul or something. Kinda like breaking a mirror and only taking one shard. I guess he puts that piece in an object and just carries it around with him."

"That's amazing. So what you're saying is that if I wanted to then you could do some Time voodoo on me and then I'm just kinda...there?" She waits for him to answer.

"Sounds about right. What do you say, will you accept the offer?" He chews the inside of his cheek. He doesn't want to tell her the other thing Dirk had told him. Usually the Pets never accept the offer, wanting to move on. He won't guilt her into choosing him. There's no way he ever could do something like that. It's basically what he had tried to do during Collision, and that was one of the most awful things he could have done to her.

"Ask me again when I'm old and grey," She slaps his knees and flops backwards onto the bed again. "I've still got a life to live once before I need to be thinking about an eternity, ya know?"

Surprised, he nods. That's actually a really good answer. He smirks. "When you're old and grey I expect you to treat me like your grandson and give me candy."

"Only if you've been good, which is hardly ever because you seem to have this record of being a shit head. I'll probably be chasing you off my lawn with an army of cats," She cracks up and clutches her sides. The image is ridiculous enough to get him laughing too.

"You would, dork," he reaches over and bonks her head. One lifetime for now before a possible eternity? He thinks he can wait that long.

* * *

 _Next chapter: More problems brought to you by the Condescension!_


End file.
